Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!
During an email exchange to set up a new appointment, an escort I've seen three times asked me, "Can you help me out till our next appointment?" It got me to wondering: providers and mongers, is there a consensus as to what's appropriate? I mean, what are the boundaries in this kind of relationship? I don't mean to initiate a discussion with the provider as to the details of what happened. She's an amazing person and I've been kind of remiss in that I've cancelled a couple appointments with her (always at least two days in advance) and I really would like to continue seeing her, but she feels I've let her down. Anyway, I'm asking about the general principle, not the specifics of this case. I'm sure it would be totally uncool for me to ask for services now, to be paid when I get my paycheck next month, wouldn't it? To be honest, it also crossed my mind: is this crossing a line? Am I going to have to look forward to escalating requests for money/favors with an implicit threat to expose me in my private life? Or am I all wrong? What would be appropriate as a response on my part? Any thoughts? Ladies? Gentlemen?
the part "can you help until next appointment" Did she mean session with her and pay her next time you see her?
Did she mean pay her now and she will offer you credit time on your next appointment?
How does she know you were going to see her again?
I am still confused as to why if she asked you to help her out you would consider a payment plan .
Am I missing something ?
Angela
Thanks for responding. I guess I wasn't clear. She was asking me to lend her money and she'd give me credit on my next appointment. I'm not sure how I was supposed to get the money to her, probably Paypal. I don't know her real name or address etc (but she knows mine). What do you think about this? Are there rules or protocols or mores?
London said it all nothing more need be said. The fact that you came here to ask says that you have a trust issue. If you gave her the "loan" why would you even have to wait to have service? If you give it you get it. Got it? Sounds like you are a once a month guy so just tell her session time is around the corner and tell her to wait.
Ang
He asked a question because a provider wants to borrow money from him before the next session. I understood his post so why attack him? He's looking for guidance and he got it below.
I said don't be no different than either way your fucked comment below.
If I were to say you are a moron I could see you asking but I didn't .
However, if he never got paid back had he givin a large sum ....
If you can't make money in this business, go get another job to tie you over! Don't be so needy and tacky to ask married men to pay you when you're not even fkin them that day. Tell her, Sure babe I will help you out when I get the urge to BOOK with you again, if that day ever happens. No provider or hobbyist should be contacting each other out of the blue asking for shit, unless you guys have some sort of arrangement. Don't be a sucker...tell her to go make her own money or get a another job.
Don't hold anything back now LR, tell it like it is and let us know what you think. Stop pussyfooting around 
It's impossible to speculate on what will happen in the future if you decide to help her out. Some providers are totally above board and will either pay you back in full as soon as they can or else pay you back in services with extra time and/or services thrown in to thank you for your generosity. Some will string you along, milk you dry and then at some point never respond to emails or phone calls. Most will fall somewhere in the middle, they will pay back the loan in services but the services offered will be diminished and less spectacular. My advice is that if you do help her out, don't lend her money you can't afford to lose and consider it a gift, because you may never see it again. If she does repay you in cash or full services then consider yourself fortunate.
Well stated.
I want to send out a special thank you to some of the hobbiest who have helped me in the past.
I had an issue come up with my car and I needed to get it fixed. I received a some payment ahead of time to help me with the issue and I gave him a date. Even exchange!!
It does depend on the people that are involved in the situation. Some can not be trusted on either side of the equation. But most of the individuals that I speak of in my situation I have known for years. I have only asked for help twice in my time as a provider. There is nothing wrong with it just as long as the people involved are being honest about the arrangement.
Always trust your gut on what to do!
Kisses
JC
1. If you give her any money, plan on never seeing it paid back.
This does not apply to all providers, but most of them.
2. Your right if you give her money the next time she need money she will be calling you first.
3. As for exposing you in your personal life, There is a thing called unilateral self destruction.
If she exposes you, she has to expose herself as being an escort. Don't think she wants to do that.
4. As for feeling remiss about canceling a few appointment, you give her plenty of time (2 days). Most ladies would
love to have guys do that, instead of the few hour they may get if they are lucky.
I would tell her you don't have the money to spare right now and see what happens. Most likely nothing.
Just my thoughts on this
To anyone, never give out enough that you would be pissed if you never got it back.
Don't even consider it!!! It's crossing the line... How do you know if there will be a future session after you advance the funds???
Just like when a client asks "can you "discount" for me, I'm a little short...." If you don't have it don't spend!!! It's disrespectful, crossing the fine line of hobbyist/provider... Etc....
This is a business... People think just because they can make "whatever their rate is" that it's going to always be like that... Save & putting half or more of each session aside in the bank for a rainy day then you won't have to create an uncomfortable situation....
People amaze me.... Lol
Missing Chicago a lot!!! Lo
Speaking for my experiences.
1.If you don't loan her money, most likely she will be piss at you. There is a chance that she won't see you again.
2. If you do loan her money, the chance she will pay you back very very slim... .. ( and you will be piss as hell ).
So either way, you will lose her..
can I get a bj on loan?
've been hobbying a long time (over 30 years). I've advanced funds several times. Some times it worked out, sometimes not. I'd say I'm about 50/50 in terms of getting repaid. In each instance I went into it with my eyes open and realized I might not get the funds back and might never see the provider again. I didn't advance money I couldn't afford to lose (although some losses hurt alot more than others).
In my view there is no single "right" answer and the answer for you is highly dependent on your particular facts and circumstances and your relationship with the provider. From the questions you are asking, it sounds like the answer for you is "no." On balance, it's hard to disagree with "no" unless you can make a truly compelling case to advance the funds or the amount is small enough not to matter to you.
To anyone who reads this and realizes what a sucker I am - I have a new rule - no loans! Lol
Good advice.
The outcomes may range widely.
The best possible outcome is that she will make good on the loan and you will hopefully gained a loyal friend. The most likely is she will stop answering your calls and you will be out the dough. The worst possible outcome is that she will classify you as an ATM and the requests will continue and escalate with little or no repayment either monetary or in trade.
I have done this and other than making me feel good about helping out someone for a short time, I have never seen any return on those donations.
One additional observation, providers rarely are accountants so don't expect our recollection of amounts and her recollection to be the same.
I've been hobbying a long time (over 30 years). I've advanced funds several times. Some times it worked out, sometimes not. I'd say I'm about 50/50 in terms of getting repaid. In each instance I went into it with my eyes open and realized I might not get the funds back and might never see the provider again. I didn't advance money I couldn't afford to lose (although some losses hurt alot more than others).
In my view there is no single "right" answer and the answer for you is highly dependent on your particular facts and circumstances and your relationship with the provider. From the questions you are asking, it sounds like the answer for you is "no." On balance, it's hard to disagree with "no" unless you can make a truly compelling case to advance the funds or the amount is small enough not to matter to you.
To anyone who reads this and realizes what a sucker I am - I have a new rule - no loans! Lol.
But I do agree in most cases never extend more then you are willing to loose. However there is something to be said about the integrity of some providers. Some have it, others don't. You know by how they treat you if they are a stand up provider or not. Most will try to make things right, not always the best services but some have the integrity to keep up their end of the deal.
I have to give a public shout out to a few gents, they know who they are... I had a incident where I was in the hospital very unexpectedly and then unable to play for several weeks. I reached out to the gents on my mailer asking if they were willing of course I would offer them comps if they could help till I was back on my feet and able to play again. Several did, and seemed like they were happy to help take care of me when I needed it. Now I in turn have been making sure that they are very well taken care of in return. I truly hope that I did not make any gents feel obligated or uncomfortable in my contact and you can bet that each and every one of them will get back the comps they fronted me with my best service I offer as I always do. For the record I did feel a little bad reaching out for help, I was floored that so many of my regular visitors wanted to make sure i was ok by helping. They really helped me to stay on top of my bills and able to pay everything on time...
I am sorry if I made anyone on the board uncomfortable as well. I just wanted to point out that sometimes it can work out well, but you really do need to know you can trust the person and that they really will make good.
For those who are wondering, I am recovering well and have been able to play for almost a week or so now with almost no restrictions. To the lovelies I have seen recently, I adore you.
To the originator: Do you want to front her the $$? Are you able to do it without being bitter if you never hear from her again? Do you know her well enough to know she will make good? If you answered mostly yes then go for it but outline some details of both of your expectations about the outcome. If mostly no just ask her to wait till your next meeting or schedule with her ASAP. If she made you uncomfortable and you would feel odd seeing her, then don't see her again. Do what feels right for you because different situations work for different persons.
When things are slow for my Provider, she asks me for help with her Bills and Groceries. I don't mind cause I know for sure it's going to pay her Bills and Food. And besides she's so Adorable and Cute, how can I not help her out? In your case, Should you help her out? I'm not totally sure, but I think it's Fine. If you've known her for a while, I see no problem helping out a Favorite Provider.
Asking a Provider to pay her when you get your paycheck is definitely Not Cool.
Thanks for all the great responses. I actually did NOT give her any money, and she's mad at me. I didn't think of posting on this subject until she sent me an email saying I let her down and if I want to see her again, I have to book at least two hours. (I've never had any kind of relationship with her at all outside of booking three separate one-hour appointments.) That's why I posted my question -- was I out of line for not giving her money? Is that something I'd be expected to do? And if I did, is that just the beginning of being asked for more and more all the time? I think you all have answered that for me, and I thank you all for taking the time to respond.
She's Mad for you for not helping her out? The Hell with her. Find another Provider. Now she wants a 2 hour Session if you want to keep seeing her? Dump her Ass. Find another Provider. What the Hell is wrong with her? Probably a Gold Digging Whore.
No, you're not out of line at all and good thing you didn't give her a cent. If a provider disses you for not giving her an advance, she's way out of line just as you would be in asking her to give you a session for payment at a later date. That's not cool either.
Good lesson here. Sometimes providers ask for loans and sometimes you can't or don't want to do it. If she gets angry or changes the terms of her business with you, get rid of her. She's bad news and things will only get worse in the future. OTOH, if she's understanding that you can't loan her money for whatever reason you have, then she's someone to keep around.
At this point, I think we should know who this provider is, she sounds like bad news to me.
which is rare. the fact that she asked isn't a huge issue but to dis a guy because he didn't that is completely out of line and just shows her true colors. Unless you are involved in a financial domination agreement that is totally uncalled for and no one should ever make another feel bad for not being willing or able to help out...
Maybe at least sharing who this is via Back Channel is appropriate if you are not willing to share it publicly.
Be well gentlemen, Sage
Years ago we used to agree on almost everything Sage. I think one or both of us have become jaded, uh oh, lol.
Oh well, it's been coming for a long time but I'm fine with where I am. I respect your opinion even when we don't agree and I'm well aware of your honesty and integrity. No arguments there, just mostly everything else lately, lol.
Good night to you too Sage
Now all who responded to you are going to have this coo coo for cocoa puffs chick stalking us lol. As if I care, but IJS.
Even if he did stalk you, all he'd get is your f*ckibng auto reply anyway. It's fairly intimidating as well, I know it scared the shit out of me the first time I got one of your hooktard auto-reply rants. I'm still shaking in my boots thinking about you going cookoo for cocoa puffs on my ass.
PP shudddddeeerrrringgggg.. scary chick
-- Modified on 8/27/2013 9:14:04 PM
Both providers and hobbyists provide a 'service'. One provides flesh and the other cash. I'm curious, if this question were to be flipped, and a hobbyist was short of cash - would providers extend a 'loan'?
Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!
Which is precisely my point. Some women want to act as if this shit is ok, when it is downright tacky. Unless they are offering a blowjob today for payment next week, wtf. Sad.
I have an Emergency Session Fund saved to see my Provider.
Makes the rest of us look bad and you never know if she will make good on it. Would you prepay or loan money to your real estate broker just because he's getting paid regardless of the date your home gets sold?
My .02
XXX-Giselle Parker
My .02
XXX-Giselle Parker
I have tons of regulars & I've known them since I started & I would never ask for "ADVANCE" assistance... You don't go to a salon & say do my hair but ill pay u later... But I'm a saver.. I put aside half or more of what I make for a rainy day along with paying for my semesters... You just have to be smart about money... But each to their own... If he feels comfortable & trust that she will pay it back then good for him... But if he doesn't get his "Advance" back then don't get upset.... Lol
-- Modified on 8/27/2013 9:01:57 PM
You and LR both, sounds like a doubles session waiting for a horny guy! Are my eyes deceiving me?
That's what'll happen if you loan her money. She will come to resent you. Your relationship will forever change. Indeed, the fact that she asked YOU tells you what she thinks of you.
In this particular case though, I agree, it's a really bad idea. Most providers aren't crooks and users and actually, mine are nothing like that. You either trust each other or you don't and trust takes a long time to build. If that kind of trust does exist, an occasional loan doesn't have to turn into an entitlement program that further degrades into an ATM machine. The first time you give her the benefit of the doubt and see how she reacts. She's either honest or she isn't and it will become apparent very quickly.
I'd never consider this with a stranger or anyone I haven't known for years.
I have a simple philosophy that's guided me over time: if you're going to lend/exchange money, don't expect anything back. It's a gift! Period
I am a nice guy. when I like a woman and see her more than once I have been asked on occasion for an advance against services. all but once I got more than repaid in exemplar services the next time the lady came into town. once, I just got plain stiffed. yeah it hurts when anyone takes advantage of you. would I NEVER do it again? I don't know. one lady who I lent some money to many years ago is still a friend and is long retired from this line of work. I am clearly old enough to know better yet, part of me likes that I have a stupid sense that most people are not looking to harm you. I really do want to believe that folks have good motives. yeah, yeah, I know I am stupid.
There was an ATF Provider I saw between the early 1990's to about the mid 2000's. She was Awesome. Always treated me well and always found time to see me no matter how busy she was with other Clients. She moved to North Carolina a few ago when things here got slow here. She's long Retired from the Business. She doesn't work in North Carolina. I've driven over there to visit her several times already. She's still Awesome after all these years. Just as playful and sexy since the first day I met her. What's the point of this story? I still help her out when she needs help. I just sent her a $500 Money Order to help her move out of her current apartment. If you have a favorite Provider that treats you Nice, then there's nothing wrong with helping her out. Even if she's retired from the Business. At this point I'm probably going to keep seeing her until the day I Die.