Recently I was traveling in Dixieland and saw a well-reviewed, local provider. She was sweet, a complete knockout, in her late twenties, and everything went really well. After we were done and as we were cuddling, I happened to notice she had an engagement ring and a wedding ring. I made a casual remark about the nice rock of a diamond she was wearing.  

What happened afterward was a little weird.  

She told me she just got married recently and went on and on about her husband, how nice he is, her wedding, showed me pictures of her husband and her wedding on her iPhone, their dream to have two boys and two girls, and a lot more than I wanted to know.  

When I left, I had strange sets of feelings.  

On the one hand, she was a very good provider. It was I who asked her about her rings. Most of her talk about husband and wedding were off the clock. It was an incall, so I could have found hundred excuses to leave anytime I wanted. But I did stay and I did enjoy holding her as she was talking about her happy memories of her wedding and dreams for the future.  

On the other hand, I had paid to see a provider for some level of a gfe fantasy or a girl who acts like she is in love with me. As I left, I felt the opposite – that I had violated a woman who was deeply in love with someone else (and would publicly display that with her rings).

Hobbyists: how common is to see a provider with a wedding ring?

Providers: how common is it to see a hobbyist with a wedding ring

..and those that are married all wear their wedding bands.  I don't think it's weird.  It's real.  Sure, seeing a provider is definitely supposed to be a fantasy-like experience.  But as a provider, I understand that my clients have a life outside of our experience.  

That being said, I prefer not to discuss my personal relationships unless a client asks.  Even then, I tend to be evasive and disclose very little information.  My job is to provide an experience.  Of course I have a life outside of my job, but it's not for me to disclose that unsolicitedly.  I think what you experienced was an over-share.  I do that from time to time concerning career aspirations and educational goals when clients ask me about certain things or bring up certain topics.  

Is it inappropriate for her to wear her wedding bands? I don't think so. It's her choice to wear them or not to.  

I ask clients to take off their socks all the time.  But I'd never ask a client to take off his wedding ring.  I don't have any moral puzzles to solve concerning that.  I wouldnt think a hobbyist would think much of the rings a provider was wearing,but I can definitely understand how that situation would have been awkward.  You're her client, not her best friend with whom she shares her hopes and dreams.  

Boundaries can be tough, especially after having shared really intimate moments and space with someone.

I do like that you acknowledge the fact that you asked. OTC time should only be between very few clients after Longer periods of time. As some men get to know us as people a little better, it can drive them away, or way too close. They disappear because the fantasy is broken, or they feel too close because the fantasy becomes too hard to separate from reality - because we've brought something real into our interactions.  

It takes two to OTC, but she's not on the clock, so you've become an acquaintance at that point.  For her sake, showing you pics of her family is dangerous, (not you in particular, but anyone in this business,) and for your sake, her SO - well, now you have an image of his face in the back of your head every time you see her. But she's human and excited about a new marriage. Asking a woman about a recent marriage - it's going to be very hard for her to stop lol.  

I guess all I can say is, "Don't ask, don't tell" is good in cases where you really don't want to know the answer.  

Wearing a fat diamond to an appointment? That's bold. A lot of money in that ring. Yikes.

-- Modified on 4/19/2014 1:47:57 AM

It is very common to see a client with his wedding ring on...but I never ask about it...I'm sure clients who come to see us dont want to talk about their SO lol

As the other ladies have mentionned...its her choice to wear it or not...personnaly I would not have shown pic...but she probably felt comfortable with you to do so
BJ

Modern relationships are fluid and each is different depending on the participants. Each of us has to figure out what they're comfortable with, what makes them happy, and go with it.

when you said "or a girl who acts like she is in love with me."  that's where I think emotionally, you crossed the line, causing you to feel the way you did.  
You have every right expect the things you do, you're paying for it, but in reality, this is nothing more than a "hobby".

and wouldn't care if I did, and if I did I probably wouldn't ask about it.  If she wanted to talk about it OTC that wouldn't bother me though I'm not much for hanging around OTC, usually on too tight of a schedule for that even if offered (which it rarely has been).

This is a free judgment zone and I am always looking to provide a great NSA time..

I wear my ring because it would be an absolute disaster if I lost it.  I have no problem with a provider knowing my marital status. And I know that providers may be in relationships as well and I am totally cool with that.  But I don't want to know about her relationship and I don't want to talk about mine. For me compartmentalization is very important.  And there's lots of other things to talk about

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I do not think it was about a ring! You just got jealous Ricky when she talked about her warm feelings toward her husband. My three favorite providers have boyfriends whom they are fond of and hope one day they get married to. One day, one of them after she told me how good her new boyfriend was tried to show me his pictures but I refused (damn it; I do not want to see my rival who is much younger and nicer looking). I learned how to be friendly to the provider without getting too involved in her personal life so that I do not ruin my time with her.

While I realize most providers are in relationships, finding out they're married makes me feel a little unsafe. It's a double-standard, no doubt about it. Most of the concern is her SO becoming jealous at some point. Almost all hobbyists are hiding our extracurricular activities from our SO's but experience has shown that most providers' SO's know they're doing this. Their SO's aren't generally happy about it and it can become a serious problem the more we see a provider.

I feel safer with providers who aren't in a serious relationship and aren't married. No jealous b/f's or husbands to worry about. I know Zabrina will disagree with me and no Zabrina, I wouldn't refuse to see you just because you're married. But I sure would ask questions about how your husband feels about your job and whether your marriage is completely open and if he gets to play as well, etc. It's a matter of me feeling safe being with a married provider and so far I haven't experienced that safe feeling.

Of all people, you SHOULD be getting hit on in public, lol. Don't think that wally world ring will stop guys from noticing you a mile away.

We all have a life outside of this, and whether or not we have a SO shouldn't be of much concern as long as you enjoy the company of the person.  

I would say 85% of the gents that see me have a wife, and I dont necessarily ask about them but it is always kind of assumed that they do. I don't think I would ever broadcast my personal life by wearing a ring or something like that. But I would also never date anyone that I couldn't be 200% honest with. So if I were in a relationship you better believe the boy or girl will know exactly what I do for a living. But I wouldn't ever date anyone that would be uncomfortable with it either. But then again- I have an outlook that is more like a swinger's than anything else, so I'd probably be sharing my SO with others'- fair is only fair, right?

So - how about this question.... would you feel differently if the provider was married to a woman? Would it still make you as nervous and uncomfortable?

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The provider was obviously comfortable talking to him about her relationship, which is fine.  That's her limit; but if Ricky was uncomfortable with the conversation, he should have changed the subject.  I don't think jealousy has anything to do with it, but talking about "real life" definitely breaks the 4th wall.

Honestly, if he didn't want to know, perhaps he shouldn't have asked. If a lady is wearing rings on her left ring finger, it means something. We all know what it means.  

It's called girlfriend experience for a reason; it's the fantasy. As far as I'm concerned, my job is about fulfilling fantasies, and unless someone comes to me for some sort of cuckold role play or wants ultra-dirty talk, most of my clients don't want in-depth information about my romantic life.  It destroys the fantasy.  I personally wouldn't wear jewelry indicative of any sort of relationship status. It's too personal.  Its more information than anyone needs to know

The honest answer is no, I wouldn't be as uncomfortable with a female SO. There's no logical rationale for my reasoning other than I think there's more of a physical danger from a jealous male than a jealous female. All I can say is that I know of jealous b/fs or husbands that have become dangerous stalkers of providers and/or their clients. I've never heard of a jealous female partner becoming dangerous but maybe that's because they're aren't as many of those relationships that go sour or we simply don't hear about them. We have heard of the jealous b/f scenario many times over the years. If you look back at some of the old posts, you'll find an example of one girl who's b/f became very dangerous. Of course, she was hiding this life from him because she knew he wouldn't be OK with it. When I meet someone new, I have no way of knowing if she's in a relationship and if so, if she's being completely honest with her SO. She won't tell me this but if I find out later, it makes me think twice about seeing her again.

There's a gray area with a male SO - is he a husband, a b/f, a pimp, or maybe a combo of these?  Is he really OK with her doing this as in they're swingers and both are able to play with each other's permission or is it more one-sided where the female gets to play but the male does not? The first  time I meet someone new, I have no idea what her situation is but if I continue seeing her, I'll eventually figure out if she's free or spoken for. At that point, I make a decision as to whether it's safe to continue seeing her. If I believe she's being pimped, it's a dangerous situation and I won't go back. If I find out she's married, then it's a tough call but opting out is always safer than opting in.
If she has a serious b/f, that's another tough call because I can't know if she's being completely honest with him.

It's not the same situation on the hobbyist's side. 99% of the time, we're sneaking around and you ladies know it and we're up front about it. We don't take our rings off so you know up front you're dealing with a married man. You can also judge if we're taking the proper precautions to not be caught and whether we're protecting you from retribution. Providers don't typically discuss their situations and as you said, you'd take the ring off and hide it from us. I assume the reason you take the rings off is because you know we'll be worried about the fact that you're married or engaged and you may lose some guys who are uncomfortable. Basically, you're hiding your relationships from us but we're not hiding ours from you so it's not the same level of comfort on both sides. I hope this makes sense.

I wouldn't say that I'd take it off to "hide it", but rather- to keep up the fantasy. If I were comfortable enough with someone and they inquired and honestly wanted to know, I'd probably be honest with them, because I am not the type of girl who tries to hide who I really am. BUT- you hit the nail on the head when you said that the dangerous boyfriends are the ones that are being lied to. But at the same time- a gent's wife could come after us, too. And we can't help but to see clients that have wives/so's, because we'd have no business ! LOL.  

I think part of the reason the OP 's girl told him so much was probably because she was worried that he would assume that the hubby was a pimp. He mentioned that she made sure to talk about how nice he was- usually if a gent finds out about a man and the girl is doing this, they immediatly assume that he must be using her for her money.  

If you watch the movie American Courtesan there are a couple of husbands of providers' that speak. So it goes on quite often, and often enough the guy is comfortable enough to be okay with it. Of course, there are MANY MANY guys that wouldn't be okay with it, but at the same time there are guys that are. Like I said- I would NEVER date someone I had to lie to, and it's not like I'm a nun when I'm not with guests. So I have been with a few boys and girls that were okay with it. TOTALLY ok with it, because they were comfortable with themselves and knew that there is a big difference between love and lust, sex and relationships.  

I wish we lived in a world that wasn't so narrow minded to think that you can't be sexually active with someone and not love them. I actually got into an argument with a guy because his girlfriend was working with me and when he found out he flipped on me. And I tried to explain to him that she could do this for a couple of years and then invest her money and retire and that she'd be in a way better spot financially then if she didn't do it. But it was just too much for him.  

Ok, I'm kind of babbling here. BUT my main point is that all of us have lives and I would never be dishonest with a guest, but I also know that I am supposed to give a certain service or fantasy, and thats what I always try to provide. It seems like when you cross that line and share more with a gent it seems to blur the lines for them and they seem to think the relationship is more than it is. Or at least that's something I've learned recently.  

Too bad we just can't all fuck each other and every gent can bring his wife to a session. LOL

And has usually is forthcoming with that information as they like a provider to be extra cautionary with regard to discretion.  We girls tend to keep our personal lives more secret wanting to keep up the fantasy.  I think it was in poor taste for your provider to be so callous about your feelings.  I'm sorry that happened to you but, hey, I'M single!!!

XXX-Giselle Parker

...it's rare that one actually wears his wedding ring on a date with me (except for couples...they always keep theirs on). I'm sure there's an explanation for that, but I don't think it's any of my business so I don't ask.  

As for me, I bought myself a fake wedding ring set to wear when checking into hotels. I've never had any hotel staff be seemingly suspicious, but I figure an extra touch of "normal" never hurt anyone. I pair that with a conservative suit, a secure updo and a little extra makeup (I look too young without it) and it gives me the appearance of any other traveling businesswoman.  

Personally, I feel like I'm way too young to get married, and it would be hard for me to truly enjoy my work if there was another person added to the mix in some way. I know a lot of ladies whose husbands are perfectly fine with what they do, but I assume that those guys are allowed a certain degree of "freedom" to keep things fair, and I'm way too jealous for that shit. I'm happy for those who can balance the two, it's just not something I can see working for me. Plus, many clients of mine have dished on what's wrong in their respective marriages and effectively turned me off completely to the idea of matrimony.

I am the first to admit that if I see a provider with a ring on her finger, I steer clear.  It infringes on my fantasy of finding the ultimate GFE.  It's not a judgment in any way.  It's just my ego trying to think I can miraculously make a woman fall in love with me in 60 minutes...lol.  While I have no allusions whatsoever that nearly every provider I see is either married or involved, I certainly don't need the proof.  That's just me.  Other hobbyists don't care.  That's what makes the hobby so great....to each their own and no judgments.  The secret life seems - at times - to be the most honest life, too.

You were helping their relationship, most likely

Im not married or dating but if i was i wouldnt be wearing my wedding ringing and giving a sloppy hj/bj at the same time thats a little weird to me....

just my 2 cents
kyla