I need some help and advice from you lovely providers out there!!
I had an experience yesterday that left me feeling down, and put upon, quite frankly. It bothered me so much that I had intended to go to the web and tell all, but after I slept on it I decided that I really did not want to be that way about, since I am not that kind of person.
But I did not think that what happened was right, So I will share with you all the particulars of what happened, leaving out names, and I would like you to tell me if my reaction was wrong.
Many months ago I discovered a hot provider with stellar reviews and I was intrigued. I made several attempts to contact this lady via e-mail and phone, to no avail. Sometime later I finally received an e-mail response, so I contacted her to set up a date. When I called her back to confirm she abruptly and somewhat rudely told me that she did not have time to talk to me now and that I should call back. I really did not like her demeanor on the phone, and because we all know that first impressions can mean a lot, I decided that perhaps I would let this one go and stick with my wonderful regulars.
Well, as the months went by I would receive unsolicited e-mails from this lady. They were just automated advertisements that she probably sends to all the guys in her address book. As they would come in I would just delete them. But recently I got one that indicated that she had some new photos. So I went to her site to check them out. This lady was really REALLY hot and I thought that perhaps I had judged her a bit too hastily. So I contacted her a second time.
I wanted to see her that day if I could, but she really wanted to do some research on me, check my references, etc. I did not think that was a problem at all, so I provided all that she wanted. We then agreed that we would get together the next day.
Now I know that you ladies could never really know what it is like to be a guy, but I will just tell you that sometimes we really look forward to these dates with much anticipation. I was feeling it with this girl more so than with some others because she was so much my type and because of what I had read. So much so that it was hard for me to keep my mind on work all day.
I talked to her around 11:00am in the morning, and she had told me that she had not yet heard back from the providers I listed, but that she thought that it would be okay anyhow and that she would see me at 3:30pm. Even gave me the general location, and told me to call her back when I arrived.
However, at the last minute, as I was getting ready to leave, she called back to say that she still had not heard back from anyone, and that she would not be able to see me as a result. She apologized and offered to reschedule. I told her that I would have to get back to her, as I did not know what my schedule would be like the next couple of days.
But that was a lie. The truth was that I was hurt and upset that she allowed me to burn with passion all the live long day, only to yank the carpet out from under me at the last minute. So, I wrote her an e-mail to let her know that I was hurt and disappointed, and that I would just be moving on.
I did not expect to hear from her again but the next day she replied, essentially complaining to me that I had no sensitivity over her concern for safety. That comment also bothered me as I have always done my dead level best to make these encounters fun for the providers too. I care deeply for the safety of you lovely girls and some of you that know me and have been with me can attest to that.
And I am just as concerned for this lady's safety too. What bothered me, what seemed so unfair to me, was the fact that she had told me three hours earlier that she had not yet heard back from anyone, but that she did not think that was going to be a problem. I took that to mean that she had not yet heard back from any of the providers I listed, but that she had checked my work credentials, perhaps had seen my posts or picked up something in our phone conversations that suggested that she felt okay with seeing me.
Yet, at the last minute, she pulled out saying that it was nothing personal, but that it was 'policy'. I feel that if that policy were etched in stone, that she could have told me that at 11. I would have had time to make alternative arrangements with one of my beautiful regulars and I would have rescheduled with this lady later. In my view, that would have showed me a lot more consideration and respect then allowing me to think that everything was okay, only to leave me hanging with my dick in the wind, so to speak.
So obviously that first impression I mentioned above was certainly a negative. So much so that it really soured me on the idea of ever seeing her. I think we both wound up losing here, unnecessarily so. I missed out on what I thought could have been one of the best providers around and she missed out on having an extremely steady, considerate and generous client. A pity, I would have really liked to have gotten to know that girl.
Now my questions for you providers. Am I the one who is in the wrong here? Did I overreact to what happened? How important do you think first impressions are? If I was wrong, what could I have done to have prevented it, and what changes should I make to prevent this from happening again with someone else?
Any help you can give me would be appreciated as I pride myself in having great relations with my girls and a deep desire to keep them happy.
Silly I know to draw a quick conclusion from your story but sounds so much like an experience of mine that I cannot help but make the leap. In my case, the provider clearly and admitedly was bi-polar and hooked on pills (Xanax, Vicidin and others) as crutch to get through any depression or anxiety that might pop up during her day. She would change on the spur of the moment same as you describe, one minute decisive and warm and inviting and conversational and sweet, and the next totally opposite. And I knew this provider pretty well so I could spot the changes as they occurred. I read up on personality disorders (bi-polar, narcisistic and antisocial behaviors, etc.) and their effects and how they're treated (which is not very effectively for the most part) and found that no amount of warmth and understanding and patience can be relied upon with any surety to break the cycle. I concluded that underlying everything with this particular provider was a total lack of conscience, which could be a CAUSE or EFFECT, I don't know which, but that lack of conscience was the one thing in her chemical make-up that made everything else a waste of looks and talent and what otherwise could have been a wonderful lady. Sad part of all this personally is that I still think of contacting her now and then for a date because, like you, she is just my type, but my practical side knows it will not go well. All boils down to chemical make-up and your provider may be just as broken as mine. Luck ...
Hello Jim,
First I sympathize with you for you bad luck, but I will play Devil's Advocate and say that you are partly to blame. When this provider told you that she had not yet heard from your references but "it would be okay", did she specifically state that seeing you without hearing from them would be okay or perhaps was she stating that "it would be okay" because there was still time for her to hear from them before the scheduled appointment. You don't really clarify that in your post and it appears that you may have assumed she meant something other than she did. If she stated it was okay to see you without hearing from your references then you have every right to be angry... if you assumed, then you tasted first hand the famous old saying behind that word.
Second, you lied to her when she called to cancel and asked to reschedule, but then later sent her an email telling her how she ruined your day. Now to her, this sends mixed signals. She will think you were okay with it, but have a change in attitude and are blaming her. It kinda hurts your credibility.
You should have told her when she called (tactfully of course) that you had scheduled your days activities around this appointment and reminded her that she already said that it "would be okay". Then you should have told her you were disappointed she didn't make this clear earlier and that now you will have to take some time to rearrange your schedule to accomodate her.
My guess is it still probably wouldn't have gotten you anywhere with her, but it least she would have some accountability placed on her shoulders and may even feel guilty over the ordeal. If anything, she would have been told to get her sh*t together for the future.
Again, I do sympathize... just last month I traveled 3 hours to see Lisa whom I booked through Jordan (I will name names... but this was the girl visiting from FLA). I arrived on time, but Jordan had screwed up and Lisa wasnt expecting me for another hour. Lisa asked for 15 minutes to prepare so I gave her 20. Well Jordan said those extra 5 minutes was too much of a delay and cancelled the appointment on me! Then blamed everything on me!!! Boy was I ever pissed!!!
Thomas Jenkins
Bummer about your appointment Tom. I would have been upset too. I guess I would have more sympathetic to her plight if this had not been the first time things had gone wrong trying to schedule. I guess this whole experience blew me away a bit since I had never experienced this kind of difficulty in 20 years or so of hobbying.
There were other factors that may have torpedoed this one. But I just chalk it up to this. Wheather it be hobby relationships, business relationships or more traditional relationships, in order for it to be good the two individuals have to relate. First impressions can really set the benchmark for how things are going to go with an individual you are attempting to deal with. For whatever reason, this girl and I made lousy impressions on one another. Really twice. No matter what happens from this point forward her and me could never really get all that enthused about seeing one another. Throughout life you are going to meet people that like you and those that don't. In this instance, I tried to partner up with someone who was destined to be one of those people that ain't going to like me.
It's a free country- I wish her all the best for her future. As for me, I am setting the old e-mail blocker (don't need to be spamed by the lady anymore 'cause it never works out) and forgetting that this lady ever existed. Then I am going to focus on my pornstar date with Keisha next month- REOW!!
-- Modified on 3/26/2003 8:42:18 AM