lots of books and web site advice on how to prepare for a divorce. Google it and take action quickly.
Protect your assets and file first. If you have kids then be aware of there needs to.
Try to agree up front to the terms of the divorce before the lawyers get involved....they try to make it worse and divide people just to make more money.
good luck and my condolences.
I totally agree. When it comes to divorce or any kind of break-up emotions run high and since both are human both made hurtful mistakes and there is no reason to be cruel or fight more than necessary! Keep it peaceful for your own self, and don't make things worse with fighting any more than you need to! I have a concept that I don't believe in grudges or forgiveness. I believe in acceptance. People are who they are and there is no changing them and many times people will do things that hurt you, but it is not really about them hurting you, but it is about them being human and making mistakes, in other words it is not about being mean it is about being human and how different people cope. Just because you accept them for who they are does not mean you must allow them to hurt you either. I say just get on with the divorce and only look back to learn and grow as a person, not to be angry or sad.
Since at least 2003, see providers and even TS's and you are angry and hurt because she is cheating on you too? You will get no sympathy here.
You talk about evidence for a divorce, yet you have published over 20 reviews.
I am not going to criticize you for hobbying, but for being somewhat of a hypocrite.
Get the divorce, or suggest an open marriage if you have kids involved. Otherwise let her continue to have her affair especially if you are going to hobby.
What's good for the goose is good for gander.
I really have never understood that saying. But stealthreviewer has a very valid point. Sucks, but these are the sand in the hourglass in the days of lives. Haha!
XXX-Giselle
Posted By: stealthreviewer
Since at least 2003, see providers and even TS's and you are angry and hurt because she is cheating on you too? You will get no sympathy here.
You talk about evidence for a divorce, yet you have published over 20 reviews.
I am not going to criticize you for hobbying, but for being somewhat of a hypocrite.
Get the divorce, or suggest an open marriage if you have kids involved. Otherwise let her continue to have her affair especially if you are going to hobby.
Hi Giselle,
As a guy I can say I enjoyed them back in the day of Luke & Laura on the run, General Hospital!! Nina & Cliff was a good story line on All My Children!! I gave up on soaps when the story line became Implausible on GH!! Someone built a freeze machine & threatened to use it on Port Charles!!! :o( It sounded something like Mr. Freeze on the old Batman series!!! I never watched DOOL, but Macdonald Carey's Intro was great!! 
))
Posted By: giselle69
What's good for the goose is good for gander.
I really have never understood that saying. But stealthreviewer has a very valid point. Sucks, but these are the sand in the hourglass in the days of lives. Haha!
XXX-Giselle
Posted By: stealthreviewer
Since at least 2003, see providers and even TS's and you are angry and hurt because she is cheating on you too? You will get no sympathy here.
You talk about evidence for a divorce, yet you have published over 20 reviews.
I am not going to criticize you for hobbying, but for being somewhat of a hypocrite.
Get the divorce, or suggest an open marriage if you have kids involved. Otherwise let her continue to have her affair especially if you are going to hobby.
We are all conflicted beings. That was why Tony Soprano was such an endearing character. We have SOs and we hobby for various reasons and we resolve that dichotomy daily, otherwise we wouldn't do it. My advice was not about being hypocritical, its about recognizing the relationship is over and its time to move on. So yeah perhaps she got involved with the trainer because she found out about his hobby. Regardless, time to move on.
If that's the real point (finally I get a divorce without being the bad guy) then there you go. Get one or have an open marriage. If you are looking for sympathy or comradere here I believe you you will be disappointed.
Women are VERY instinctual creatures, if she feels as if you are already gone, or if you aren't giving her the emotional needs she craves she will look to where she gets the most attention. A lot of time the physical is second and is given as a reward for all the attention and nurturing another gives. Its not usually the first thing we set out to look for to supplement a marriage.
Lamen terms: if you aren't making her occasionally feel like the hottest thing since sliced toast, someone else will be buttering her bread!!
Xoxo
VC
Posted By: Veronica Chase
If that's the real point (finally I get a divorce without being the bad guy) then there you go. Get one or have an open marriage. If you are looking for sympathy or comradere here I believe you you will be disappointed.
Women are VERY instinctual creatures, if she feels as if you are already gone, or if you aren't giving her the emotional needs she craves she will look to where she gets the most attention. A lot of time the physical is second and is given as a reward for all the attention and nurturing another gives. Its not usually the first thing we set out to look for to supplement a marriage.
Lamen terms: if you aren't making her occasionally feel like the hottest thing since sliced toast, someone else will be buttering her bread!!
Xoxo
VC
"Hobbying = NO emotions involved at all!!"
Kidding right?
Is it cold in here, or is it just me?
CW
Posted By: aliciah
some people may feel that hobbying is "cheating"... and some may not... because there are TWO BIG DIFFERENCES!!!!!
Hobbying = NO emotions involved at all!!
Cheating = LOTS & LOTS of emotions involved throughout the whole thing!
Not taking anyone's side here... just saying that in general this is my .02$ of what popped into my head when I was reading this thread!!
Have an awesome night everyone!!
xoxox
Alicia Hartoley!!
To me Hobbying is nothing but a Business Transaction, it starts when you enter the room and ends when you leave the room. If you have ATF and seeing her twice in a week then you not Hobbying you getting emotionally involve even though you are still a $$$ transaction for the Provider and she is Damn good in making you believe that she really really Loves you and blah blah...when you leave the room the first thing your ATF do is to count the $$$ to make sure you did not short her !! ( happened to me once with my ATF who I had seen at least 50 times calls me while I was in an elevator, Honey you 20 short. to me it was an honest mistake and she never calls when I leave xtra 50 so many times. I went back slide a 20 under the door and never saw that B**** again)
Now their are exception where few providers carry these to next level (and I know of at least 3 of them in last 5 years) and marry the Clients but most of them are not out of Love but another long time Business decision so they can get out of providing and into Housewife's.. God bless them!!
If you have ATF then you should not be accusing your wife she doing the same what you doing.
If you don't have ATF and not attach emotionally to any one and your wife is attached emotionally to this Dude then yeah try to get as much evidence as you can it wont hurt to have that evidence when your lawyer will negotiate a deal with hers Lawyer and you just pray that she don't bring in your 20 Reviews on the Table...If she did then you are Screwed..
If your wife is calling a Gigolo every night then I wont blame her at all she has every right to do that as you have done it yourself for many years.
Happy Divorce !!!!
Posted By: ChicagoWalt
"Hobbying = NO emotions involved at all!!"
Kidding right?
Is it cold in here, or is it just me?
CW
Hi,
I'm of the opinion that a woman & a client can have some emotion, so long as you keep it in check!! It makes a session that much more fun!!
Posted By: aliciah
some people may feel that hobbying is "cheating"... and some may not... because there are TWO BIG DIFFERENCES!!!!!
Hobbying = NO emotions involved at all!!
Cheating = LOTS & LOTS of emotions involved throughout the whole thing!
Not taking anyone's side here... just saying that in general this is my .02$ of what popped into my head when I was reading this thread!!
Have an awesome night everyone!!
xoxox
Alicia Hartoley!!
Your upset about her trainer.... Yet you have 20 plus reviews! Hmmmm I love it your my type of guy!!!
Kyla
The determination of fault to grant the dissolution of the marriage will have little to do with the important stuff, da property. So gathering intel just puts more salt in the wound. To begin to heal your spirit, you gotta go thru it to grow thru it. Start the process so that you can get on with her life. Divide the property and move on. Equally, for YOUR benefit, forgive her and let her pursue her life's destiny. Not because you are a punk, but because there is balance in the universe and negative feelings only hurt you.
Best of luck and wishing you the best.
But like the others say , and I have to agree, you have been hobbying since 2003 you have seen multiple women , and yes we can say there are no emotions or feelings but you still did it. She might have guilty feelings and it might just be a physical attraction on her part . So what. Her one affair isn't as bad as your 20 . Both of you are wrong and if you want your marriage to heal you have to make an important choice. Do you , CAN YOU step away from the boards and looking at girlie websites to focus on helping the matter? Seems to me your only focus in YOU and what YOU can get out of it as if your wife has started to divorce you already. What matters here is that you both have done nothing to help resolve the problem as to why you both are looking in different directions to find sexual relief, but for all you know , she might sense that you have been unfaithful .Women can pick up on those little things you do that you don't think she may pick up on but we do. I've heard some horror stories about how men were found out about online fooling around. If I were you , I'd clear my browser every single time I log off the net and girlie sites , email, chat logs because for all you know she might have her evidence tucked away in a lawyers office or better yet a Private Investigator, bank statements and be preparing for you to make one more oops before evidence is placed in front of you to explain. So before you start calling the kettle black , if you have any element of love left for your wife, you have a decision to make and that is where to get counseling for you both. Marriage counseling .
Angela
I wonder if the OP would feel differently if his wife had hired a male escort. One reason men hobby IS to avoid the emotional entanglements of an affair, and the other is that it is MUCH less hassle. Perhaps his wife is having the affair for the same reason he's hobbying...variety and boredom.
I say, divorce her if you don't want to live with her anymore, or confront her and deal with it. But don't be hypocritical. If I found that my wife was having an affair, I'd say Hallelujah! Then we could openly and honestly discuss our issues, and decide what to do next.
Now, I hope you ALL know why I don't kiss and tell...
What do you want from us "love2rim"???
YOU have 23 reviews and your pissed cause you found a text message. (Really?) You come on to a escort discussion board and YOU want advise from us (and I'M SURE your freaking out) on how to deal with YOUR CHEATING wife. (Really?)
My advice... Get a divorce (Really.).
If you had to go outside of the box 23 times (at least) then why are you with her? Money???
Secondly, who are YOU to be the judge of your wife's actions?
We all entered into this world with knowledge that it's not a healthy environment.
Point is... This is the wrong venue to be looking for marital advise from.
You shouldn't be on TER. You should be talking to a good lawyer.
That's my .02
SP
Hi,
Yes, your wife cheated, but you are doing the same thing!! Plain & simple!!
Posted By: love2rim
So I found some text messages that confirmed my suspicions that my wife is having an affair with her personal trainer. It's been an on-again/off-again (mostly off) loveless marriage for many years now so I'm not the least bit surprised but I'm still hurt and angry. I've confronted her about her personal trainer before but she just lied about it with one excuse after another. Now that I have 'evidence' I'm contemplating what to do.... should I confront her with it (which she'll surely deny and lie about it) or should keep quiet about it for now and continue to gather intel? I know we'll end up divorced so I'm thinking the more evidence, the better. Thoughts?
I. Knew the hypocrite argument was going to come out... To be clear, I'm not saying what I did is any less wrong and I'm not even saying I don't deserve it. We're both guilty and I am NOT looking for sympathy. Truth be known, we actually started messing around while she was married to her first husband (I was single at the time).... My question is simply can I use the text messages to my advantage in the divorce?
Well, you have to agree your post implied a double standard. She would probably be crushed if she found out about your hobbying. Seems from your posts that you believe that you are ready to declare your marriage dead, so my advice will proceed with that assumption.
As has been stated, but lost a few times in the replies: get an attorney ASAP. What you are asking for is legal advice. You can use any information, but whether it is to your benefit to use a set of given information is going to be based on your unique set of circumstances. This is where you need legal counsel.
If your goal now is to end the relationship and get a divorce, you have to understand that you are to immediately consider that you are in an adversarial position to your wife. You get to play the role of "scum bag" in the divorce. Don't confront her, as that will tip her off and prompt her to retain a lawyer before you make your move. Follow your attorney's advice on how to protect your assets, money, etc. in the proceedings. If the type of information contained in the text would be useful in the case, you might also need to hire a PI.
The quicker you move to obtain good legal advice, the better your position will be.
Hi,
I can't answer that question, for I'm not a lawyer!! I sure hope you will not try to "stick it" to her by trying to get money out of her!! That is dirty pool!! If she will try to get money out of you, then the gloves should come off!! Two wrongs don't make a right!! Thank goodness I'm single!!!
Posted By: love2rim
I. Knew the hypocrite argument was going to come out... To be clear, I'm not saying what I did is any less wrong and I'm not even saying I don't deserve it. We're both guilty and I am NOT looking for sympathy. Truth be known, we actually started messing around while she was married to her first husband (I was single at the time).... My question is simply can I use the text messages to my advantage in the divorce?
As I said before, these message will have no affect in the overall outcome unless your wife was the primary bread winner and you gave up your career as a brain surgeon to stay at home and care for the kids and now you have emotional distress. Just get a good attorney that will fight for the best split of the joint stuff.
As for the kids, you'll get weekends or every other, slip up the holidays, say goodbye to the house and 1/2 of your pension/401K and move on. You'll only hurt yourself by fighting and using lawyers instead of just calling 2spades, 2spades and using a mediator to chop up what's left.
Result to a pissing contest with lawyers and you can kiss 30% of what's left good-bye. Sometime cutting your losses is actually a win.
Xoxo
VC
If you had any heart at all you would feel somewhat guilty for starting to look around and do what you have done. I think you only came here to get supporters hoping someone would tell you to
open a case and use your stupid texts to continue to hurt your wife so that you can look like some innocent spouse and be rewarded damages . It's clear you want more money to pay yourself back from years of spending on providers. I think you are a spoiled brat who needs a slap to wake you up.
You have this my cake and eat it too attitude. You are not honest , and I would bet 100 bucks that if you asked your wife if she has ever cheated on you she would tell you the truth. Says alot about a person. You on the other hand have to admit if you were to tell the truth you would have too much to lose.
Yes you are the pot calling the kettle black. So some soul searching because two wrongs don't make a right. And NO YOU SHOULD NOT attempt to use your dumb tent messages against her . If she is smart
and in touch with the net you might already be fried by surprise lol! Karma is so against you right now.
If you're going to partake outside of the marriage, then you have to allow her equal opportunity to seek out whatever makes her happy and/or satisfies her physical/emotional needs. Otherwise you're a hypocrite. You say yourself it's a loveless marriage. Why stay married? Sounds like you've been having problems for some time. It could be that she discovered your history of seeing providers and decided to seek out her own fun. What's the problem?
Be civil with each other, respect that you're different people and suggest an amicable divorce or at least an open marriage. The only thing each of you has to gain is your freedom.
-- Modified on 3/4/2012 7:09:06 AM
I wonder how the hell your wife would feel if she found out you were taking a side order of the sausage.
Like the old saying goes you made your bed now sleep in it. And you are hurt ? what a joke.
She also has feelings to pal
should not throw stones.
Are you kidding me??
Its funny how eveyone on this site is some sort of moral police. The very fact that u r on the site, makes all ur so called morals irrevelent as far as Im concerned.
He asked for more or less legal advise, not a dressing down by the moral police.
Hi,
... is immoral!!!
Posted By: litlbstard
Its funny how eveyone on this site is some sort of moral police. The very fact that u r on the site, makes all ur so called morals irrevelent as far as Im concerned.
He asked for more or less legal advise, not a dressing down by the moral police.
To many, there's immorality in having sex outside of their marriage. For others, staying married for the kids, for their finances sake, for a million other personal reasons is moral. Who are we to judge? What I say is that it is immoral to be a hypocrite, and it is immoral to try to use one spouse's affair as the reason for divorce when the other spouse himself was cheating.
Maybe they'd let you watch. You could serve as his fluffer. Feel better now? All things work out for the best.
I think you missed your calling as a marriage counselor
I think it is best you guys just part ways as cleanly as possible. No need to go through all the extra nonsense, just get talk it out like adults and move on with your lives.
" because One Day Chickens will come home to roost".
So thats why try to leave as less evidence as you can.
If your wife has 1/2 the IQ of yours then I can bet she must be reading these posts as we all are reading.
Are kids involved?
Is there a business that one (or both) of you own?
How long have you been married?
Is the marital estate significant? (in excess of at least $ 1M)
How important is it to you to "make out like a bandit" on this?
How careful have you been about "cleaning up after YOURSELF"?
Once you answer these and ask yourself some other questions regarding how "tough" you want this divorce to become, then sit down with at least two (preferably three) DIVORCE attorneys (not your friend the real estate attorney) and get some input. Do your preliminary financial checkup so the attorneys at least know if this is something that is "worth" fighting over. And just remember, the attorneys will still fight on this issue...but unless there are some significant assets worth fighting over...why?
I can't tell you how many times I've been hired as an "expert witness" on marital estate valuations. And in almost EVERY case the real winners are the attorneys (and CPA's). So unless there is something material here...as others have suggested...be a big boy and sit down with your lovely "soon to be ex" wife, hash things out, and get on with the next chapter in your life.
If there are kids involved...then you will have a different type of agenda. And you will never be "really divorced".
Do your homework...talk to the lawyers...and move on to the next chapter.
Life is short...don't screw things up worse than they already are!
If you really WANT a divorce, then just do it. But if not, then sit down with her, tell her that you found evidence of her having an affair, and then ask her what she wants to do about it. Maybe you can turn your marriage into an open marriage, and have the best of both worlds.
I was fully expecting some flames but had no idea I would incite such anger. My apologies.
I do think that perhaps some people on this board might do well to take a look in the mirror too. On the provider-side, I have yet to read any review where part of the screening process was "are you married? Cuz I don't see people who are cheating on their spouse/girlfriend" and on the hobbyist-side, well (sigh) what can I say.... I guess I am the only one who doesn't fall into 1 of 2 categories - A) single or B) cheating on their wife and therefore has no issues with their wife having an affair. Had I known this was a message board of such moral people with strong integrity, I would not have offended anyone with my honesty.
Sex Workers do not care if you are married or single, like steak house does not care if you claim to be a vegetarian but order surf and turf.
Your vows, your responsibility.
Why should some people here look at themselves? you asked a question and many gave you a direct answer.
Alot of hobbyists, have nice things to say about their spouses even though there may be a lack of activity behind closed doors or she may have a health issue I haven ever read or heard a man say what you said or thought of doing. There has never been a topic on what if my wife cheats on me. Maybe it is a topic that should be open for discussion. Alot of guys want more activity with his wife and seeing providers , at least for some, gives him some insight on how to rekindle that again with her .
When I read your post , I felt a little miffed. I cannot speak for everyone, but a provider isn't out to be a home wrecker.And I am sure a fitness instructor isn't looking to move in on you or your wife when he probably has alot of women flirting with him. Basically he might even feel like a male escort if he has a large female client base. The fact that it bothered you seeing her text tells me you don't want her having sex with anyone else but you or you would trash her from wall to wall and make her suffer if you knew you could.I truly hope you can save your marriage and that it is more special to you and worth trying to save instead of running to see who wins and who owes what.I don't think it is necessary for you to start confession your activities here if you can get over her fling and show her that you love her more than you do the providers .
Good luck
Angela
Wait, so you're saying that "most men who see providers" do so because their wives have health issues? I suppose if that helps you sleep at night.
The point that koshermeat, L2R and a couple others are making is that by just BEING in this hobby it is terribly hypocritical to call L2R a hypocrite for his post as seeking practical advice. If he is the pot calling the kettle black then all his moral judgers are a bunch cast iron frying pans.
It's one thing to participate in the hobby, it's another to cast stones at a spouse who choses the same indirect path while. Unless any of the posters here are looking to seek vengeance on their spouse for being in the hobby or fucking a trainer per se they can look in the mirror all they want. Their opinions are valid and not hypocritical.
Truth is: Two cheaters - they apparently deserve whatever bed they made for themselves.
This isn't a hobby question and really doesn't belong on this board. He walks like a duck and she quakes like one. Most of the people here really could care less. My advice to OP... don't come seeking life changing advice from complete strangers just because you have one thing in common- the hobby.
Seriously, what did he expect??
The judgments being cast down are pretty mind-boggling. It makes no sense that it would come from escorts who are 100% involved in enabling cheating spouses and hobbyists, 95% who ARE cheating spouses. And we're all supposed to believe that if your s/o were cheating on you your response would "oh well what goes arounf comes around. Now please pass the salt"
As surprise was that the providers who are also partner in crime are siding with the SO.. may be its a Gender thing..
If not for them this wouldn't be ....
Posted By: Angela_Petite2
If not for them this wouldn't be ....
Today I ask my SO do you prefer me seeing a provider or having an Affair with some Hot Woman.
She replies well if you with a provider then I know you may catch CR*** but you will be back to me
But if you having an Affair then You will never come back to me and even you back your heart and mind will be with her..
Thats the difference between Hobying and Affair..
This work is created by Both providers and Hobyist and they could be either Gender..
im 3 years into a horriable divorce, cought her having an affair. Long and short IL is a no fault state it will not help you in any way if thats what your thinking its a 50 50 split. She may or may not get matinance depending on if she works or not so do what you have to so it will not be fun or easy
DB
L2R never said that he is Moses or Jesus, he is as Guilty as anyone else on this board and Hobby.
We should give him a good Advice as few did!! Ameen
Providers giving him lecture on cheating on his wife, Next time a Man showed up for an appointment ask him if he has a wife or a GF, If he said Yes then ask him to Leave because its so immoral and Providers never ever think to Destroy a SO home...If you can do that then I will quit this hobby and go in Jungle to F*** some Monkey or Hog..
For L2R try to workout with your wife for a even split and stay away from Attorneys because they are the real winner and you both be big looser..
Just because we as providers see married men changes nothing about it being all business.
I can only speak for myself and my reasction to him and my reaction to him is a complete detached
issue . By detaching myself as a provider and answering the question as a person viewing the situation as a whole. We , at least me, don't hate or dislike or for that matter have anything to do with the mans
wife or the fact that he is married. We provide him with pleasure and fun and help him along but just
because we are against him pulling a fast one , has nothing to do with who we are as providers , but as women who would hate to see any spouse scorched as if she were the only bad person in the relationship.Looks like we ladies do have morals . But sorry we ain't sending you home because it can be such pleasure doing business with you . I always say this when visiting. Leave your troubles at the door .
uote]
Posted By: koshermeat
L2R never said that he is Moses or Jesus, he is as Guilty as anyone else on this board and Hobby.
We should give him a good Advice as few did!! Ameen
Providers giving him lecture on cheating on his wife, Next time a Man showed up for an appointment ask him if he has a wife or a GF, If he said Yes then ask him to Leave because its so immoral and Providers never ever think to Destroy a SO home...If you can do that then I will quit this hobby and go in Jungle to F*** some Monkey or Hog..
For L2R try to workout with your wife for a even split and stay away from Attorneys because they are the real winner and you both be big looser..
