Hi all ... looking for thoughts from both guys and providers about something that I've always felt awkward about, discussing my marital status with a provider.

Most of the time, it's a don't ask / don't tell situation, but I have had providers ask me directly about my marital status and I'm never quite sure whether to be truthful about it or not.  I've also had situations where I've had really nice conversations with providers and I find myself changing details of stories so as not to mention my marital status.  Sometimes I feel like I have a great connection with a provider and I'd love to be open with her about everything in my life, but I hold back.

Curious to hear what others think about this, and I'd definitely like to hear thoughts from providers too.  Do you care what a guy's marital status is?  Do you think less of him if he is married?  Does it matter either way, or would you prefer that it just not come up in conversation?

Maybe I'm just over-thinking this, but I haven't seen this discussed on the board before, and it is something that I do think about and I'm trying to figure out the best way to handle it.  Thanks!

I personally think you are over thinking it for sure. This subject has been discussed on the general board recently I think. Maybe posed as ring on or off perspective. I for one wouldn't worry at all about the providers view of you being married! I'm thinking it just makes sense that most expect and welcome that status for several reasons. I don't know if it goes deeper for you than just what they perceive of knowing it but maybe it has something to do with your guilt possibly? Not talking about it is a way of coping maybe? I don't know but I definitely wouldn't make a major issue of how the companion views it. Shoot, a lot of companions are great listeners and conversationalists. If you wanted to open up about your married life I saying.  

Don't worry about it!

married.. and honestly that's how I like it... That way Im sure they are not gonna be in the "fall in love with provider" category or think I would date them.  
I prefer meet married men that don't want anything else then our time together and that's it.  

Usually single guys (in my experience) wants to date you (and for free) ..LO

Although yes you would hope a guy being married would reduce the stalker tendencies/boundary crossing etc. That's in an ideal world lol. But seriously though- we don't care about it. When we get into this biz we learn very quickly that most guys are married. If we cherry picked clients based on our own personal beliefs we'd have no business haha. It's really a non issue.  

Some guys wear a ring, some don't. Some guys will mention it during conversation at some point. I never bring it up, but often a guy will whether out of guilt or sometimes they really just would like an ear to listen them. Which I'm happy to do. I actually like to hear about people's situations, it gives me an interesting insight. Do whatever makes you comfortable. We are here  to provide a service, and especially considering what that service is, we certainly aren't going to judge you for being married. It's not really anyone else's business if you're attached. A lot of providers have boyfriends/husbands actually. I've seen some ladies wearing wedding rings in their photos, others will pretend to be single for the sake of their business.  

I do think you're over thinking it though. We're all here to have fun, not play moral police. ;-

I struggled at first with trying very hard to stay in a "single" persona. But was challenged with discussions about what I did last weekend. Wanting to say "we" did this or that, vice "I" did this or that. Found myself slipping sometimes. I have yet to say "my wife" when with a provider.. But that may come, then next, I guess, calling my wife by name.. Or should I give her a hobby name?  

And don't forget some providers are married too..

 
Do you care what a guy's marital status is?  

No. However, if he is, there's typically less stalker potential, if-ya-know-what-I-mean...

Do you think less of him if he is married?  
No. I think something about his "behind closed doors" situation isn't fulfilling his wants/needs.  
(And not to knock Hobbiest wives, I often do wonder if they don't elude to an answer, if the wife isn't taking care of business. Now not judging her, but I have had a few that the wife simply can not due to some medical reason, and he has full permission. I really truly feel almost overly empathetic in that situation. Sometimes I find out the wife is an "Ice Queen" who holds her pussy for ransom. Heh.  
Those 2 type of clients I always try to put a little extra "UMPH" into the sessions.)

Does it matter either way, or would you prefer that it just not come up in conversation?  
Does it matter?
Are we falling in love & running away together into the sunset lit beach on a pale white horse?
No? Well darn, guess it doesn't matter!!! LMAO
Seriously, it is a very set short amount of time with pre-set boundaries & expectations.
I live up to my end, you hold your end, & everyone walks away with a smile.

Sometimes you guys really do over complicate things!
(And I thought women were bad for that!! LOL!)

 
And on another note,
(this almost ran me a bit ILL here....)
What fucking provider asked if you were married?
REALLY?

You take a deep breath when they ask, exhale, look them in the eye, smile casually, tilt your head, and say,
"Why Ma'am, frankly that is none of your business!"

That ought to stop that nonsense (and invasion of YOUR PRIVACY!)
At least until you get to know each-other and YOU decide to voluntarily tell her that kind of information.
That is highly personal and a professional No-No, IMO!

Foxy


-- Modified on 5/7/2015 9:59:08 AM

Thanks very much for all of your answers so far ... I was hoping to hear that it wasn't a big deal, and I'm glad that seems to be the case!

I think what it comes down to for me is that I don't want a provider to think that I'm some sort of scumbag ... although when you think about the percentage of men in the hobby who are probably married, I can see how it would just not matter.  In the end, I want providers to enjoy their time with me, and I guess I feel that if they had some reason to dislike something about me, they may not and our time together might not be as fulfilling.

I had never considered that single guys might be more likely to be stalkers, but I can see how that might be true.  As a married guy (see, here I am now openly admitting it!) one thing that I really like about the hobby is that it is very discreet and you don't need to do court, date, or devote any time to a provider to earn the special time that you spend together behind closed doors.  Once a session is over, you can close the door and walk away with only your happy memories until the next time

And for the record, I actually think that the hobby is an overall positive thing for my marriage.  It fulfills my needs in what is likely the least harmful way possible.  It saves me from the possibility of engaging in a risky extra-marital affair that is filled with emotional and romantic entanglements.  It's just a physical act, fulfilling a physical need, and I think it makes me happier and more pleasant to be around.  It's funny to think that on days when I have a really great session with a provider, I come home to my wife in an incredibly happy mood, and as a result, my wife and I have a much better time together.

So thanks again ... the provider responses so far have only strengthened my belief that providers are wonderful and understanding people.  I look forward to hearing other perspectives too, especially if you have a different point of view on this.

I don't want to name names, but I have had multiple providers ask me about my marital status in the past.  It hasn't happened recently and most do not ask about it.  But when they have asked me, I've answered both ways.  In one case that I remember, I lied and said I was single, but the question caught me off guard and I don't think she believed me, and I think that added a bit of unnecessary tension.  In another case, I was truthful, and she flashed me kind of a dirty look and put her hand over her mouth like she was surprised.  In hindsight, she was definitely just joking around, but it did make me a little bit self-conscious.

addressing a question like that adds to the (what do the young folks say these days...) "awk-weird" vibe...

I think a part of the professional companions role is to make a man feel at ease...
And asking "Are you married?" is not a "casual question"... and can DEFINITELY backfire on the comfort levels.
I just can not fathom why a provider would do so, as a professional, it can be counter-productive and not conducive to the overall goal.

I want a man to to be comfortable enough, that he could fart around me, if need be! HA!

(Just kindly aim it THAT way and not MY way!!!! LOL)

I know not very gentlemanly, but very human, and sucks to be around people when ya got to "hold it in"- right?

Foxy

-- Modified on 5/7/2015 12:32:30 PM

If a gal asking if you're married makes you feel uncomfortable do what I did once. " yes but he's ok with me trying a woman out now and then" you'll get a priceless look with that one. Relax and have fun buddy!!

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Foxy,

I completely agree with you! What provider is outright asking about marital status?! I assume that most of my clients are married and could care less about their status

I'm married up front when setting up the date with a new lady. I ask them to not wear scented lotions or perfume so as to keep things safer. I've yet to meet a provider that held that against me. Only a couple have forgotten to not wear the scents and those I politely asked to please go wash as much of it off as they could. They both complied and apologized for the oversight.