I have a issue that I have been dealing with for some time that I would like the opinion of this board.  

I am a 64 year old married individual. In December of last year a widower for over 20 years came to work in my office on s temporary basis who was about my age and very attractive.  

From the get go this individual was very inquiring and inviting me to various functions with no mention of my wife and making remarks to see what my reaction would be. I suppose you could call it flirting.

Gradually over time I found that we had a lot in common and opened up to her even more. During this period of time, I discovered that this lady had been involved in two recent relationships lasting 3 and  parts of 12 years. I also found that she relocated here about 10 years ago to “help” her daughter who at the time had no children and now has four children. She is very involved in the lives of these children.

 On occasion she would make comments in tears about the children and their expectations for  her to accompany them when they relocate to another state. (The daughter her husband and children are all relocating to another state).  

Recently the widower and I shared a very passionate kiss at her residence at a time when my wife was out of town. This is one of the most passionate kisses I have ever experienced in my life. We did not have sex because she refused. Her treatment to me since this encounter has been must less flirt than before.
   
I have offered to assist this woman in finding a male that she would be compatible for her as I was very successful with this when I met my present wife.  

I would never leave my wife for this lady, yet I feel compelled to want to help her.

Her are my questions:

Why does a lady in here 50’s carry on relationships with men for 12 and 3 years without attempting to move the relationship forward? If she was sincerely interested in being a wife to someone, why would she not kick these guys to the curb after one year if they were not interest in marriage?

Why does a woman like this flirt with a married man I have done nothing to encourage this?

Does this woman have a shot at finding her forever soul mate at 64+ with her commitments to her family seeming to take preference over any man she might meet

We can yammer all day about her possible motivations. Like anyone, she likes the attention of someone she's attracted to, she probably gets off on a little game-playing, and I bet she's wise enough to know that married men are LESS likely to get attached. She's a grown woman; don't get lost in a White Knight fantasy.

What do you call a passionate kiss, if not encouragement? Why would you even get involved in her private life?  JMHO but I would not get involved any further.

who has lost her husband is a widow. A gentleman who has lost his wife is a widower.

I was quite confused by your story until I realized that the term was being mis-used.

Above and beyond semantics, I think you're enjoying this little interlude for its illicit thrill. The passionate kiss should have been its culmination, and your cue to step away from the ledge.

You are not Match.com, so I highly doubt you can "assist this woman in finding a male that she would be compatible for her as I was very successful with this when I met my present wife. "

This kind of flirting is exactly what the hobby allows you to do without repercussions.  

If you value your marriage, I would drop this flirtation and manage your incipient attraction by consorting with ladies who will not expect your romantic assistance or boil your rabbit.

happiness going forward,

Tab

I'm really confused... you gave a passionate kiss to a widower!!!??? Who the hell are you?
Do you know the difference between a widow and a widower?  

End the relationship, then get yourself a dictionary. GOOD LUCK!!

My thoughts as well ... pick words for their exact meaning
not just because they are close. Prevents the WTF factor.

Some people are flirty and it is all done just in fun.  I bet you had some weird looks at some of her comments.  She was enjoying herself and not hurting you, you did enjoy it didnt you?  Then she shared some of her deepest thoughts and feelings about her own world.  She didnt want you to solve anything, she didnt want a lover, she just wanted you to listen and nod your head.  I would agree that the kiss was the peak, something that she felt she needed to do.  I am sure she can find someone if she really wants to on her own and I wouldnt worry about it.  You have done all you needed to do.  And EVERYONE has a shot at finding thier soulmate, it is just the search can be long and diffucult

Man is granted one wish  by a Genie. Wishes for a bridge to Hawaii. Genie says, impossible chose again. Man wishes to understand women.  Genie says, Will that be two lanes or four?  

The French say it best "vive la difference"

To the original poster. Some people just do not want to be married again, for private reasons. Just enjoy the friendship and leave it at that.

If you intention were to just "help" her why were you at her at her residence passionately kissing her? Really?

Reasons she was end long term relationships without getting marriage? Maybe she just wanted a loving relationship without being married, comes to mind!

But please cut the I did nothing to encourage this stuff. You are a grown ass man. You would have had sex with her if she hadn't refused.

Leave it alone, this is your workplace and you are married-PERIOD!

Book a paid date and get her out of your system.

Steph



-- Modified on 5/29/2014 11:22:56 PM

-- Modified on 5/30/2014 10:05:28 AM

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Just read this myself.
Widow: Female who's husband has died.
Widower: Male who's wife has died.

what?