My SO is so damned uptight and repressed that the entire relationship is at risk.  What can I do to loosen her up?  

Don't give meth flowers, dinner, date thing.  She loves the flowers, loves the meal, says thanks and then puts on her flannel pajamas and goes the bed.

I thought about hiring a male stripper.  And then I thought about offering an extra $50 if he could get her shirt off, another $50 for her bra, and $100 if he could get her to take his cock in her mouth.  I am sure that $200 would be safe and the stripper gig would behis shortest ever.

Any suggestions.

I don't mean this in a mean way but.....

Why would you marry someone who wasn't as into sex as you?

I'd leave her be. Pressuring her isn't going to do a lot for your relationship, sexual and otherwise. I'd find some fun on the side with someone who wanted to be with me. Getting turned down all the time wouldn't do much for my ego. BUT!!! I'd make it a point to do activities with my SO that we liked doing together. I wouldn't let the relationship die.

Been there, and I was not successful.  Of course the romancing her is the first thing that comes to mind.  Go back to the beginning.  

Communication is key.  Maybe you can discover what is going on inside.  here in Hobbywood I find that the biggest sexual organ is the brain.  I think its true outside also.  And if the mind does not go there then the body wont follow.  

We went to counseling.  And at the end the counselor basically said there was no real hope of changing anything, and I would just have to accept things.

To answer Marie's comment.  My experience was that the sexual part, the loving part of the realtionship was great before and right after marriage.  Then came kids and a change of consentration.  Gradually every thing changes and focus on the SO is lost.

Yep - you are right.  Everything changes.  

I think Marie is right - find a side distraction - maybe someone with similar problems.  

none of us would be here.

Kinda brings me down.  Brings back a lot of self worth questions.

I left the hobby and then came back because I could't get a date. I had no sex life and no one was interested in me. I don't get asked out in the outside world even now, nor do I get hit on. It really is devestating for my ego, especially when I ask guys out and they turn me down. If it weren't for the hobby, I feel I would be a completely different person, a very sad and lonely person.


The hobby seems to be my nitch

Marie,
   I am not sure how to take your post, but I assume you are serious.  In the looks department alone you are great.  I cant imagine you not getting 'hit on'.  I am sure I would get whiplash if you walked into the room. Of course there are guys like me that wouldnt even try cause we know we would go down in flames.  Then your posts present a very kind and intelligent lady. ( did I spell that right?)  And I know you help a lot of fellas out that are having some sort of issue, outside the bedroom. That show me you have a kind heart cause you  genuinely care.  Add the care you have for your animals.  (Did you see that news story about the purple squirrel last night?)

I am sorry it seems like fiction to me.  I wish I was half the person you are.  And I am serious,  no smoke here.  I have never met you but I do like you as a person, and I am sure there is many others.  Sometimes the woman is buried under the provider too much here.  But ma'am,  not thinking about the hobby stuff at all,  your a great lady. And I am glad to know you through the web.

Thank you Roadshow....I wish I was all that!

Yesterday morning I invited a non-hobby guy over for coffee. I still haven't heard back.  

This is what normally happens....

I meet a guy I am interested in. I feel they are interested. I ask them out....and they disappear

I try to tell myself the Universe is trying to keep me safe, that I'm being taken care of by a higher force. Hey, it beats getting depressed over it

Your SO is who she is and you or a male stripper are not going to change that.

People, stop trying to change each other.. we can grow and learn together but at the end of the day we are not going to from wearing turtle necks to topless dancers..etc, etc.

Please tell me you are smart enough to know better..........

You are very kind. When I first moved down here seven years ago, I blamed my not being able to get a date on me being a Yankee. All I ever heard was how horrible and unwelcomed we were here. Now...seven years later, I feel my area has changed, thanks to the military, but my socail life outside the hobby remains the same.

I am really bummed that guy didn't e-mail me back

At the possible risk of piling on what has already been said, I am AMAZED that you are not asked out, hit on, or whatever else you want to call it. I suspect that many attractive, intelligent women (like the animal lover in question here), are intimidating to many men. I have to admit that men are just as insecure as women, even though they may not show it. I cannot speak for the other guys here, but I suspect most of us still recall being in high school and being afraid to ask the "hot chick" out for fear of rejection. And to be honest, one of the attractions, of this "hobby" are that there is more of an understanding up front. I struggled for years trying to please my wife, attempting to give her what SHE wanted, or at least I thought I was trying !  Now I please her with a monthly check !  but back to your issue. Hard, nigh impossible for me to get my head around an invite from you that was ignored or not welcome...If I were single, and lived in your area, and you offered coffee...I would fall over myself to accept...  and even without knowing or expecting something beyond coffee....  An intelligent, thoughtful, attractive woman to spend an hour having a cup of coffee, or lunch..no strings, no expectations..even no sex.. would be a joy.

Shocking you don't get hit on. Besides being a hottie, you fascinate me Marie. I am not even into women but I check you out from time to time and have given your link to a few guys I met also telling them they were free to tell you that you were my girl crush. LOL

Just blows my mind.  Leaves me speachless.  Of course if you had invited me for coffee I would probably falling of my chair, broke both arms and wouldnt be able to type.  That would be my luck.  

I really dont see a negative yankee thing here.  I will joke about it with people.  You know,  2 types of yankees - Yankees and Damn yankees -  one comes down to visit and the other comes down and stays.  But I find there isnt much difference in any of us. There is more differences in city and country folk.  And I dont have a issue with either.  I take people for who they are.  They start out at the middle and work thier way up or down.

You know,  I come down to Pope on occasion.  I'll buy ya a cup of coffee and a meal to go with it.  
Maybe you are right,  maybe a higher power is protecting you, in fact that would be the only explaination.

I agree with everyone else - you're being stood up or not hit on is a mystery to me as I would jump at the chance to get to know you better, etc.  If I lived closer I'd be glad to sit down over a hot coffee with you.

You have to maintain the right attitude in this situation - that the problem isn't with you - it's the other person who just doesn't know what they are missing out on.

You know that we all have to walk that lonesome valley, we have to walk it by ourselves---as the song lyrics goes from song a  ways back---talking about something else, but still applies to the decision those of us in, or have been in, this situation have to make for ourselves.

It was heart wrenching, the decision I made to GO, after almost a quarter century with a beautiful woman with no passion in her soul( I have since experienced  a number of loving, giving, women in our lil corner of Hobby Wood, who have made that hard decision a little less of a guilt trip. A few stumbles here and there, but over all, a good decision for me.

Still...........last week, on my trip from west to east, I made a stop on my way to a dance with one of those LiL sweet, sweet ladies--Daisy Bell---at a Rest Stop by the side of the road to stretch my legs. I was playing with my phone, and when I looked up, I was behind and older couple---he with his cane, and she with obvious bad knees limping along, holding hands. Quite obvious to me that they had been together through life's ups and downs and were going to be there to the end of the road. I stopped and stared a bit, reflecting on MY decision, as I watched them struggling together. I then remembered who was waiting for me, and a smile crossed my face, as I raced  ahead to hold the door for them.  Two different paths taken, but so right for me, and  this couple.

Choose, and remember that you will have bitter sweet  memories that will not go away, if  you choose to GO, but there will be the opportunity to make new ones)  GOOD LUCK!

All of which seems to prove that I'm actually right for a change, and young men these days really are much dumber than they were when I was coming up.  I can only assure you that if I was a few years younger, there would be some serious wooing going on here....

I will also say that this sort of fits with my experience in many ways...I've never been the shy type and have never been afraid of hearing "no", so over the years I've been fortunate enough to find myself attached to wonderful ladies who were far too beautiful and bright to be wasting their time with the likes of me.  On those occasions when I worked up the courage to ask the question "why are you with me?", the answer was almost invariably "you were the only one to ask" or "you were the only one to take me up on the offer".  Always made me wonder what the other putzes were thinking....

I've also learned over the years (please forgive me everyone...I do have an Irish romantic streak) that the Good Lord makes a match for every soul, and sooner or later...usually after you stop looking...your match will pop up and surprise you....

It's a good thing I have a few extra bucks to spend or I'd get no action.

If she is uptight as you say, then hiring a stripper will be a disaster.  That sounds like the exact opposite of what will turn her on.
I agree with the othes that ultimately you need to talk.  I made the mistake of feeling bad about sexual desires and needs I had and ended up resenting my SO.  It's likely that you are unequal in the desire category, but you might be able to reach some middle ground

hmmm Julia, you are probably right in some respects. I must say that there actually are a lot of wives (I think ? ) who like sex, and even like it frequently. Probably more that don't or at least don't consider it a necessity. But I recall a lady on this board posting once that men like this hobby as much for the "hunt" for something new or different. It is in some respects, not the sex...but the SEXINESS that attracts men (My opinion only)..it is also what separates the women on this board, from those who are advertising $50 for 15 minutes..  It is the "experience", the kissing, the passion, the excitement. Most men can get sex at home if they are married, IMO, but a lot of time they cannot or are not getting SEXY...?

But you are right, a world without escorts...like you, would be emptier by far.

-- Modified on 2/10/2012 1:32:33 PM

Getting on to my advanced age I am rarely shocked!

Got to be honest Marie just cannot see how it is possible you are not constantly beating the wolves
off.

The couple of times I spent with you were fantastic and I not only found you an extremely sexy
and beautiful woman but also very interesting to boot!

Anyway, guess only response would have to be the traditional worlds loss id the hobby's gain.

Shifterp Concurs and the Dude Abides!

Shifterp OUT!

Marie you are any mans dream woman which scares the hell out of the majority of men. I am friends with a now retired lady who suffers from the same issue. Both of you are highly intelligent, over the top attractive women who have their lives together. Very attractive independent women tend to intimidate all but the most secure men.

Funny thing is that whenever my friend & I go out it is obvious that men are drawn to her but few chance approaching her. We men are funny creatures.

I know I am scared to walk up to a woman. Especially since I am not as pretty as you!  Does your non-hobby  friends know about the hobby? I am the type that couldn't date a provider. Honestly, I would get jealous. Which opens another can of worms.  That's my 2 pennies worth

Well, I love to step into a great conversation from time to time so here is my two cents after readign through this thread.  First of all, permanent relationships change things, as does the passage of time.  Comfort and being familiar with a partner reaches a point where kids, financial obligations, and everything else associated with a LTR get in the way of sex.  Isn't that why this Board and the hobby exist?  As such, a good answer to your entry may not exist and your plight may be what it is.

Taking an example from my experience with Marie, I think most men find Marie intimidating because she knows who she is and is comfortable with that.  Many men find that kind of female confidence makes them uncomfortable.  That said, it is what has drawn me to her for more years than either of us want to admit to, but in the context of the hobby it is easy for me to analyze.  (AND using the word "analyze" when talking about Marie makes me smile in and of itself.)

I hope someday Marie finds the perfect long-term mate and that that person will will be everything she deserves and isn't afraid to have coffee with her.  Until then I am glad she is my friend.  For armybrat, find a level of comfort with your SO, and find whatever other comfort you seek elsewhere if your SO isn't going to change and try to make sure no one gets hurt in the process.  Best of luck in your undertaking.

First of all, Secret Agent Squirrel has got to be the most unusual provider name around.  It is so lame it's actually adorable.  How the hell did you make that up?  Then I go on your site and your pix are cute as hell.  Love your look.  Reviews ain't bad, either.  You also seem to have good taste in friends.  Then you say you couldn't get a date and had no sex life because no one was interested in you.  Shee-ut!, if I'd run into you I'd have eaten you with a Goddam spoon.

I have to say that I find this to be completely impossible to comprehend! You are a beautiful woman both inside and out, Ma'am, and ANY man should count their lucky stars to have the opportunity to spend time with you! Over coffee or anything else, I can't imagine you are anything but the wonderful person and gorgeous woman that I had the far too brief pleasure of meeting!

Hold your head up darlin, things will go your way eventually! And forget the Yankee thing, you belong to the Carolina's now and you ARE one of us!

Aint skeered to say it and willing to fight anyone who denies it!!

Degen