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Good Lord.. One would think dating would be Easy..
mistressjessica 2338 reads
posted

Suddenly I feel like a innocent virgin again.... I have not actually dated for 9 years..  
Maybe I am smarter now or just pick or both..

I went out with a guy a couple of time and by date 3 He is ready for me to go back to his place and get our groove on.. I declined.. Date 4 he was more insistent and down right Pissy because I declined again.. There was no date 5.. I stopped answering his calls...  

Guys, Girls.. Is there really a rule about this kind of thing?
I just kind of figured when I felt the urge it would happen.. No pressure........

oldted1561 reads

Posted By: mistressjessica
Suddenly I feel like a innocent virgin again.... I have not actually dated for 9 years..  
 Maybe I am smarter now or just pick or both..  
   
 I went out with a guy a couple of time and by date 3 He is ready for me to go back to his place and get our groove on.. I declined.. Date 4 he was more insistent and down right Pissy because I declined again.. There was no date 5.. I stopped answering his calls...  
   
 Guys, Girls.. Is there really a rule about this kind of thing?  
 I just kind of figured when I felt the urge it would happen.. No pressure........

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bluejeans6661870 reads

Depends on motives......most (if not all) guys are thinking with their head (the one between their legs).  Now, if a guy is really not interested in moving things along with a female because he is either not attracted to her or realizes the relationship has no potential, he would either just end the date quickly or try his damnest to get the girl in bed as quickly as possible.  Then leave never to see her again.

If the guy really cares about the girl, he should be willing to move along at her pace.  If he is sexually frustrated during this time period, he can log into TER or BP and find a temporary release.

Posted By: oldted
 
   
Posted By: mistressjessica
Suddenly I feel like a innocent virgin again.... I have not actually dated for 9 years..    
  Maybe I am smarter now or just pick or both..  
     
  I went out with a guy a couple of time and by date 3 He is ready for me to go back to his place and get our groove on.. I declined.. Date 4 he was more insistent and down right Pissy because I declined again.. There was no date 5.. I stopped answering his calls...    
     
  Guys, Girls.. Is there really a rule about this kind of thing?  
  I just kind of figured when I felt the urge it would happen.. No pressure........

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Panthera121736 reads

You should have put out by 3 at the latest. I wonder if I am the only one who sees the irony in all of this. You will fuck a stranger for an envelope containing cash, but not to a guy who is wining and dining you on four occasions. Surely he spent more then your donation amount on these "dates".

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mistressjessica1963 reads

I am seeking something with a bit more substance then a meal, A good Fuck and some wine..  
I can get that right here..

There are big differences between sex for sport and truly enjoying each other in a loving way....
And for the right guy.. I would cook, clean, buy and suck.. All for free

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luvladeez1736 reads

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Bill_McNeal1971 reads

Panthera may be a bit rough around the edges, but he is a refreshing antidote to the constant white knighting around here.  

Some guys may only stick it out through date 2 or 3, but the majority would look somewhere else by the end of date 4. Dating is a numbers game, and, somewhat cynically, a return on equity calculation for guys. Only a truly exceptional woman would warrant investing my time and money through date #4 without a tangible return. Lots of available women will cook, clean, buy (?), and suck for free; these aren't exceptional perks.

Again, this is a very objective illustration, but all guys go through this mental calculation, whether they admit it or not. Most men with day jobs have limited time and money for dating, so we have to make relatively quick judgments on how to use both most efficiently.  

Your guy deserved to get dumped at the end of date 4; groveling for sex is very bad form.

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sweetnicole11812 reads

every ho I know makes the BF work for that first piece of ass.
We want to know its real. its us they like not just the hot ass.
we fuck and suck for $$$ we know we are good we know we can rule them with the best BBBJ swallow greek the whole 9yards. they eventually get the pornstar experience.
we need to know they just arent after the free ass.
and we can take ourselves out to dinner its the point.

I know it sounds crazy but we dont like givin it away...it has to be bought or earned. ;)

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MatureGFE1486 reads

The most of the men here don't have the same mind set as men that have never done "this" before.

Men get "spoiled here" at least if the lady is good at what she does. It's instant gratification.

But if you read my post below, I'm not surprised he got frustrated when he got a no on 4 date.

And unlike here is this world, a man looking for a long term relationship with a woman will wait a little longer if he is truly interested in more than a role in the hay.

And not all civvie dates have to be expensive. It can be pizza and a movie, a picnic or a romantic night including fine dining. And most men who know nothing of this world don't keep a running tab on how much money he's spent before the lady "puts out" unless he's a jerk.

And as Helen Gurley Brown, owner of Cosmopolitan magazine said, "Never sleep with a man on the first date...unless you really want to!"

It's a dance people play in civvie dating and the dance can be a lot of fun.


Steph

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Bill_McNeal1508 reads

'The most of the men here don't have the same mind set as men that have never done "this" before.'
'And unlike here is this world, a man looking for a long term relationship with a woman will wait a little longer if he is truly interested in more than a role in the hay.'

Wow, how patronizing. I didn't realize looking for some extracurricular fun once in a while had permanently altered my mindset. If I quit the hobby, can I return to the civvie world, or am I permanently damaged?

'And most men who know nothing of this world don't keep a running tab on how much money he's spent before the lady "puts out" unless he's a jerk.'

And naive. (Also, add time to the running tab, a cost much more dear than money). Some members of the dating pool have lower thresholds than others, but everyone does the cost-benefit analysis, perhaps without even realizing it

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MatureGFE1875 reads

and find it hard to wait when back in the civvie world.

And I doubt ladies that date in the civvie world sit there keeping a cost benefit analysis on things like shopping for new clothes to wear, beauty products, hair and nails appts, maybe having a man over and cooking a nice meal, and some that date and have small children need to hire a sitter, ect when deciding how much effort and $$ to spend when dating a man.

And I was born at night but not last night so one thing I'm not is naïve. If a man approaches dating with the mindset 'how much am I going to have to spend to get in her pants", he not looking for a serious relationship, sorry. And the fact that you think this way...and you are here, well um, nuff said.

For me personally I know before the 2nd date whether I want to have sex with a man. It's whether I want to act on it that takes me a little longer.

And reversing the roles. I've heard it said many times by ladies who date in their personal lives, that they have to get used to not seeing an envelope when dating, ME included, lol . Yep, this world does change a person's perspective.

IMO once you've entered "this world" you have to work harder in the civvie world to maintain a relationship. It's just so easy when things get a little stale to trot right back here because you can. And if YOU don't think that's true you are naïve.

Steph

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OhCharlie1901 reads

Oh god... You're over here now?

Girls may choose to bounce around and play stupid for you for the money. But, that is completely different than civie dating, and this "you're a whore, don't act like you deserve to close your legs" doesn't apply no matter how badly you want it to. Her personal life is separate from her work persona, with an entirely different set of boundaries and needs, and she should not have "put out" or anything else she didn't want to, no matter the time frame.

There's no irony, just willful ignorance. Surprise.  

Posted By: Panthera12
You should have put out by 3 at the latest. I wonder if I am the only one who sees the irony in all of this. You will fuck a stranger for an envelope containing cash, but not to a guy who is wining and dining you on four occasions. Surely he spent more then your donation amount on these "dates".

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jessgfe1589 reads

And the big O is bigger. We teach our SO what we like :) I've never had a friend from here say, "hey, and I'm doing this right?"

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kelleywhite1838 reads

You are the biggest jerk on this board and from what I have seen you have had nothing positive to say to any of the ladies here. I see you do not have a PM so I cannot send this message to you personally. Do you have any reviews, or are you just a member who enjoys putting women down?

I doubt Jessica would have anything to do with you. Such a shallow personality. I know not who you are and I doubt any of one of class would want to date you. Fed up from reading all your put downs on the board.  Kelley White

Related Link: www.kelleywhite.net

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Panthera121518 reads

You can just forget that. You are too old for me by about 15 years. Cross me off your list  :

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jessgfe1690 reads

Don't ever fill out my booking form.

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Panthera121415 reads

and I would never fill out a booking form on an unsecured website.
Don't flatter yourself. I am very picky on who I see.

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jessgfe1603 reads

He has no reviews.

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Timbow1409 reads

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jessgfe1406 reads

^^^TRUE

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SonnyNC1512 reads

It all depends on how things unfold in the relationship.  I never push for sex, just not my nature.

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ceotraveling1552 reads

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SonnyNC1504 reads

Most recently we had about 7 dates in 2 weeks, I figured something would be happening soon and low and behold one night out of the blue she says "are you going to take me to bed?"

Good things come to those who wait, and also bad things like being sore and worn out from twice a night every night this week lol

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ceotraveling1610 reads

Posted By: SonnyNC
Most recently we had about 7 dates in 2 weeks, I figured something would be happening soon and low and behold one night out of the blue she says "are you going to take me to bed?"  
   
 Good things come to those who wait, and also bad things like being sore and worn out from twice a night every night this week lol

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MatureGFE2274 reads

If a guy is interested in you for possibly more than a "hit and run just for fun" he'll wait until after the third date to make a move.

But even thou most have heard of it, it doesn't mean you have to follow it.

Maybe he was VERY attracted to you. Did you talk to him about what you are looking for before you get intimate?

Are you really attracted to him? I suspect some of us ladies tend to be stricter when trying to have a personal relationship because we are intimate from the get go in this world here.

Are you being too hard on him? Is he worth talking to about it? There was something about him you liked and vice versa or you wouldn't have made it to the 4th date. sounds like your guys has heard of the "3 date rule" and was following it.

Just something to think about.

xoxo,

Steph

-- Modified on 8/1/2013 12:18:42 PM

Related Link: http://www.examiner.com/article/should-we-follow-the-3-date-rule

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breannabreeze1663 reads

I believe the general rule is three dates before you have sex.  However I can see women like us wanting to wait longer than that.  Dating is hard as it is nowadays with so many men looking for the easy "friends with benefits" situation.  A lot of them want all the benefits of dating without having to put the work in.  I kind of blame it on the "instant gratification" mindset that permeates our society today.  It's so hard to find a man that isn't just interested in sex.  I think it feels worse being an escort when you sleep with a guy and then you hear the whole "I'm not interested in a relationship but we can be fuck buddies" because you are thinking to yourself damn that was a waste of time, I could have been making money instead of hanging out with this douche bag.  I tend to find hobbyist for the most part treat me better then men I go on dates with anyways.  If a man is interested in more than sex he will be respectful and not try to beg for it.  Good for you cutting that guy loose.

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anonymousfun1705 reads

Why do you think busy men hang out here and seek instant gratification? LACK OF TIME. I don’t know how many men here get to work at 8AM and Leave at 5 PM, haven’t been able to do that schedule for the last 10 years.

Why do you think busy women advertise on Match.com? Exactly for the same reason, NO TIME, such is the world we have built for us.

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breannabreeze1811 reads

It's different in hobbyland, it's much more of an equal trade.  I'm talking about the men who expect sex and don't want to give anything in return.  It's different when the sex is actually good but most of the time it isn't.

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anonymousfun1428 reads

In that case I agree 100%.  
No place for them any where but we have them in both genders!

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breannabreeze1529 reads

The people that are too busy for relationships put that constraint on themselves.  If they lie in order to get sex then maybe they should be paying for it in the first place.

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anonymousfun1328 reads

Work life these days are tough. Reason why many company’s have Work-Life balance programs. The higher up you go, more hours you have to put in for many reasons.

I work with some gorgeous women and they are all single and most men they meet don’t want to stick around after one or two dates. We talk about it all the time.

It is rough out there

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EasyTimes1504 reads

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GargamelsDrawers1419 reads



-- Modified on 8/1/2013 5:00:17 PM

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GargamelsDrawers1803 reads

There is no rule about when anyone should do something they do not want to do or are not ready to do. It was right for you to feel like you could take things slow AND to be honest, it was right for him to want it sooner. Its just two different people who did not meet the same accord.  

Communication would have made things easier but you know how most of us humans are with that sort of thing, especially when you are getting to know someone (shit, even after you know someone). Just take it for what it was, two people not on the same page. In the future, maybe you just want to have that conversation somewhat upfront. Yeah, it may mess up the "romance" but it will save the time. This guy was obviously a douche bag though and not because he wanted to get physical on your third date per say  but because he acted like a child when you did not want to. MOVE ON and LEARN.

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Roadshow21354 reads

Isnt dating all just an experiment to see if  there is real chemistry?  Usually by the third date infatuation kicks in and by the twelfth date reality sets in. Then you wonder what were you thinking. lol

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Lorenzo671639 reads

Jessica needs a link to my POF profile. LOL

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silvertongue11480 reads

is that the guy was getting "pissy" about your not sleeping with him. If he is getting pushy after only four dates, how overbearing will he get in the future? That's how I read it. Time to get a fresh start. There are good guys out there who aren't in a hurry, but you have to "kiss a few frogs" to find the prince out there. Don't give up!

Posted By: mistressjessica
Suddenly I feel like a innocent virgin again.... I have not actually dated for 9 years..  
 Maybe I am smarter now or just pick or both..  
   
 I went out with a guy a couple of time and by date 3 He is ready for me to go back to his place and get our groove on.. I declined.. Date 4 he was more insistent and down right Pissy because I declined again.. There was no date 5.. I stopped answering his calls...  
   
 Guys, Girls.. Is there really a rule about this kind of thing?  
 I just kind of figured when I felt the urge it would happen.. No pressure........

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longrifleshot1399 reads

henever I am in the presence of a charming and beautiful woman like yourself, I find myself totally captivated by just her presence. Maybee I'm an old softie, .............. perhaps that's not the right term for this website '''''''''''''''''' but when I'm with a woman that I really care about, I am pulled around by my heart .............. not my dick.                                 That being said, you can't blame a fella .........  
I do ya in a heartbeat myself.  ;)

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jessgfe1643 reads

5 dates is kind of pushing it in a sexually charged 2013. We all know if we want to sleep with someone within 60 seconds of meeting them. Not saying go run to a gas station restroom or something, but it's not like your looking to marry the guy lol

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Jacque_Jenesais1979 reads

Def never gonna' happen with me, lol. If I want it, I go for it, and I doubt the guy is going to say, "no, wait. I'm waiting to make sure you care about me" hahahaha.  

JessGFE is right, at least in my world, hehe :D

-Court

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