Want to avoid feelings for an escort? Here's how!

As this topic seems to come up in various guises, I thought it might be worthwhile to share how to pull this off. Naturally, I don't take my own advice because I simply have no fear in that regard. But to some folks, this whole realm seems magical, mystical and thus outside of their control. It seems (to them) as though emotions come out of nowhere and take them by surprise.

As a result, they are afraid of it. So here are some easy things that, especially when combined, will make sure you don't feel connection or intimacy, much less romantic feelings.

I should add that these are just my opinions based on both research and anecdotal experience. Your mileage may vary -- and if you have something to contribute, please chime in.

I should also add that following this can substantially reduce the subjective quality of an experience with an escort in some cases. There's no such thing as having your cake and eating it too. Which is another reason I really don't recommend following this approach. But I figure I'll put it here for discussion; if for no reason other than to answer the question of the Newbie who gets taken by surprise and is asking himself "How in the hell did she do that?!!"

1. Avoid prolonged eye contact (i.e. longer than 30 seconds), especially from close proximity.

There is a ton of research on this. A few google searches returned dozens of studies.

In essence, you can create an emotion simply by engaging in the behaviors that would stem from it. Normally, looking someone in the eye is seen as a threat. But when done at close proximity by mutual consent, it indicates openness and vulnerability so it can RAPIDLY increase feelings of intimacy and, to a lesser though still measurable extent, feelings of "like" and "love" EVEN between total strangers. (1)(2)(3)(4)

2. Avoid non-sexual touch.

There is a general stereotype that men want sexual touch and women want non-sexual touch. In reality, both need both; and our society as a whole tends toward a deficit of non-sexual touch.(5) The results vary in degree but not in substance between men; but non-sexual touch has an enormous capacity to increase bonded feelings in men. One source characterized the result as "... a strong, loving bond that goes beyond the physical." (6)

While therapeutic massage is most often described as a method of increasing attachment between parents and children, it can also work between total strangers. But full-blown massage is not needed.

Many years ago I went to massage school as a way of balancing my martial arts skills with something more healing. I attended with a lady I worked with. While this has always been a non-romantic thing, we bonded -- at least as friends -- big time; and likely for life. This was obviously an extreme case as we had spent hundreds of hours in aggregate in non-sexual touch; but don't discount how powerful it can be even in short applications.

3. Don't swap secrets

Swapping secrets increases both the level of closeness and feelings of loving between those swapping the secrets. (7)

4. Don't go from safe space to personal space gradually. Instead, go all at once -- pounce.

A small study has demonstrated that when a man and woman move more closely together gradually, starting from about four feet away until they are well within each other's personal space, the effect on emotions of liking, loving and closeness can be quite pronounced. (8) But if you just pounce, this effect is negated.

5. Break rapport.

If you are extremely observant, you may notice that, while having a conversation with an escort; you will start mirroring each other's postures, positions and movements.

Psychotherapists and hypnotherapists often do this deliberately because it establishes feelings of trust and rapport. With a man and a woman, it can cause feelings of linkage. In fact, such subtle mimicry can be described as "instantly beguiling" and "the physical dance of charm itself." (9)

You can break this by engaging in postures, movements and facial expressions that can't possibly be mimicked, either consciously or unconsciously.

6. Finally, and most obviously, only see her once then "break contact, continue mission." All of these things become more powerful with repeated exposure with the same person.



As I noted above, I don't follow any of this advice. I'm not at all concerned, and I want a lady I see to knock the ball out of the ballpark. So I personally do just the opposite: Gaze into her eyes, engage in mutual massage. swap some secrets, move together slowly, allow rapport to occur naturally, and see her again.



Sources
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(1) Barbara A. Woike, Journal of Motivation and Emotion, Volume 18, Number 4 / December, 1994, "Vivid recollection as a technique to arouse implicit motive-related affect"
(2) Teske, J.A. (1988). Seeing her looking at you: Acquaintance and variation in the judgment of gaze depth. American Journal of Psychology, 101, 239-257.
(3) Schulkin, Jay (2004), Bodily Sensibility: Intelligent Action, Oxford University Press, 2004
(4) Epstein, Robert (2010) "How Science Can Help You Fall in Love" Scientific American Mind, Jan/Feb 2010
(5) Joyce and Barry Vissell, "Enhancing Sexual Intimacy" Shared Heart Foundation
(6) Al Link and Pala Copeland, "Sexual and Non-Sexual Touching - Body Freedom", Nov 9, 2009
(7) Kulish, N. (2002). Female Sexuality: The Pleasure of Secrets and the Secret of Pleasure. Psychoanal. St. Child, 57:151-176.
(8) Epstein, Robert (2010) "How Science Can Help You Fall in Love" Scientific American Mind, Jan/Feb 2010
(9) Carey, Benedict (2008) "You Remind me of Me" New York Times, Feb 12, 2008