This is just TOO much!

Be sure you lock your doors and windows at home. A Lewiston man was
found dead in his home over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the
man face down in his bathtub. The tub had been filled with milk, sugar and
cornflakes. A banana was sticking out of his ass.  Police suspect a cereal
killer.

Re:This is just TOO much!

good one. You had me all the way until the last sentence

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh
>blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
>Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him
>about where he got it. He told them to bugger off and let him get some
>sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "OK, follow me", he
>said, and flew out of the cave with hundreds of
>bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and
>into a huge forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats
>excitedly milled around him tongues hanging out for blood.
>"Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked.
>"YES, YES, YES!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
>"Good!" said the vampire bat, "Because I fucking didn't."

Woodpecker Challenge  A Georgia woodpecker and a Kentucky woodpecker were arguing about which state had the toughest trees. The Georgia woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Kentucky woodpecker challenged him and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Georgia woodpecker was in awe.  The Kentucky woodpecker then challenged the  Georgia woodpecker to peck a tree in  Kentucky that was absolutely un-peckable.  The Georgia woodpecker expressed confidence  that he could do it and accepted the  challenge. After flying to Kentucky, the  Georgia woodpecker successfully pecked the  tree with no problem.  The two woodpeckers were now confused.  How is it that the Kentucky woodpecker was able to peck the Georgia tree and the Georgia woodpecker was able to peck the Kentucky tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?  After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:  Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.