Fairly new to the hobby and wanted to get some feedback from veteran about a situation where a line of communication is established with the provider and  she tell you a lot about her life and stuff and you feel like you start to develop a friendship and you keep in touch then it turn out that the only motivation to  contact you when she need $$ and ask you a favor.
Is it safe to say that Personal feeling and P2P should not mix ?

I've been doing this many years, and have heard any number of sob stories and been burned too many times.

Yet, sometimes a person rewards my generosity with a friendship that bears real fruit, and I think overall I'm richer in experience and joy for helping, though certainly not in the wallet.

An interesting life is not an easy one.

You have to decide for yourself.

Well all I can say is that I'm human and I have feelings  and empathy but then again I understand that seeing a provider is a business transaction and should be left that way but I guess part of me felt compeled to help and then I felt like " I'm the pigeon" .
With that said I appreciate the feedback.

Thanks

providers have a long way to go to catch up to civvie women as far as trust because the rules of the arrangement are known upfront. Not so with non providers.

But there is often blurring of the lines...  I am not close friends with any but a few indeed share our lives in both directions...  cautiously & within limits...  only if YOU are comfortable.   Others are strictly business or even have a false provider personna which they put on like a coat when in business mode.  Some might well, cultivate a "friendship" with a cash motive in mind.  My ex did that very well, & she wasn't a provider!  
I would say, stay friendly...  but if she asks for cash, ignore or decline as you see fit.  In general, I know some "promote" themselves when they need cash...  rent's due!!   If I feel like "helping" I schedule an appointment at the prevailing rate.  If I can't swing it right then, I decline.  
Some have loaned money & gotten it back...  many have not.  I can't afford to lose the cash, so I don't.
HV

But nothing in life is all that simple.  Some guys, if they see a provider enough times, will always get pulled into the trap of thinking "she likes me".  In fact she may like you but that doesn't change the fact that you are, first and foremost, a source of income for her.

I am very close friends with my ATF but it only started to develop after a couple of years of steady appointments with no drama and no "favors".
The sex is always paid for and the boundaries of our friendship are pretty clear.  Mature adults can do that sort of thing but finding out how mature both parties actually are is the tricky part.

I think that boundaries exist for a reason.  Providers deserve private time and this should be respected.  I see this violated often.  This is not to say that I don't have hobby friends that became friends.  They are very few and WE have to be VERY careful not to blur the lines of friendship.  A few have moved out of the inner circle, due to a lack of reciprocity.  I myself, make it a  point to stand on my own two feet and not borrow money; with the exception of a few close friends and one family member.  In turn I  have and will lend money to a few of my close friends without question.

Beware of people's intentions and chose your friends wisely.  They say if you die with the amount of friends you can count on one hand, you are truly blessed.

PS  I do know that sometimes certain dire circumstances come along; long term illness, tragedy etc. and this combined with common sense precludes reaching out to others and is completely acceptable.  The truth is to recognize and avoid the wolf in sheep's clothing.  This is just my opinion, so I am not looking for a billion exceptions to be argued.  Every rule has an exception, except sometimes in mathematics lol    cheers be safe and play nice and libidinous out there.

Kathleen Holiday xoxo  



-- Modified on 10/10/2012 11:38:32 PM

This had happened to me too only with a client I know for years as well.  Sometimes he thinks he gets a freeby from me, but like Mr.Fisher said, it is up to you to decide.  It is not easy to keep business and pleasure separate, especially if you really like the person.  

Missy

She's Really not your friend she's using you. It's the only time you get a phone call is when she needs money she's using you as a cash cow.
Still friendships are not like that
Women in this business can also maintain well constructed relationship that have grown through this business, but not everyone is looking for that not everyone can maintain them.

play with her when you want to pay for play don't play with her when you don't want to.
The very clear about where you are at and what you want. sounds to me like she's not the only 1 playing games you know what the game is in your playing it is well.

I have relationships with clients that are deep friendships that do not involve p4p while but they are true friendship the two r separate.

It sounds to me like she sees you as an easy mark.

Walk away I say walk away fast.

I wish you the best
Nic

i haven't read the rest of the replies yet, so i may be repeating someone but...

if she's only contacting you when she needs money or a favor, that's called lead generation from a sales point of view. sometimes people know that the more personal they are with you, the bigger the sob story for needing money, the easier it is to get it.  i'd NEVER contact one of my favorite 'boys' if i needed anything, because friends don't use each other and friends with benefits don't require money for a hookup.  so if you're thinking that because she's sharing personal things with you that you're friends now, yet you still give her money, you're wrong.  if she were selling flooring and she contacted you saying there was a discount on flooring to get you to come in and buy... that's similar to the sales angle worked when we're selling ourselves (which is what we're doing).  we give you something to make you feel special (meaning chemistry basically), you continue to see us.  that's the way it works.  if you don't feel a connection, you don't return.  simple as that.  whether the connection is real or fabricated.  

as someone who has been in this for almost 4 years now, and i've developed actual friendships with some guys, fuck buddy status with some guys, and friends with benefits with some guys, over the years, my rule is this...  IF I CALL YOU FOR COCK, IT'S ON THE HOUSE.  IF YOU CALL ME FOR COOCH, IT'S AN APPOINTMENT.  that way, there is no confusion. i love having my choice of good sex any time i want it, but i'd never take advantage of one of my boys or friends.

my advice would be to try to hang out with her when no sex or money is involved, just drinks or something.  if she consistently declines, you know you're being used and you can move on and stop being played for a fool.  i have a few awesome fellas who i am great friends with who i met through the hobby.  we are strictly friends with benefits.  we hang out whether or not we have sex and neither of us ask the other for anything, especially money.  there's a common respect.  if either person feels used, it's not really special or a friendship at that point.

good luck sweetness!

whitney



-- Modified on 10/11/2012 5:43:46 PM

This situation happens a lot and I think that in most cases it inevitably ends up being about money.

I guess the only thing to ad to this intelligent discourse:

UnPerfection, ahh, DUHHHHH!!!

Really, its obvious.

Thanks all for your feedback ,  I ended up severing contact with her as it was obvious she did not see me as a Friend because I have tried to hang out with her and she never responded to my texts when I asked if she wanted to do lunch or hang out ( tho she had mentioned she wanted to) and I only hear back when she needed $$$.
There is more to the story and I did got out of my way to help her when she told me about some personal issues she was dealing and  because I'm human and i have feeling and compassion I helped her out in the best of my ability  but I'm not stupid.
A I want to keep some privacy for myself and her I'm not disclosing further information and will just learn from this experience
thanks again for all the feedback

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