> Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
> words
> back...or that you could crawl into a hole?
>
> Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....
>
> 1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
And
> asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I

> turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't
>
> say a word... he knew better.
>
> 2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
> was
> unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
> several
> minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
works
> at
> the store. He asked if he could help me.  Without thinking, I looked
at
> him
> and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
>
> 3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
> variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
> boy
> behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
just
>
> looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the
boy
> grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.  To this day, my
sister
> has
> never let me forget.
>
> 4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
> release
> some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
her
>
> after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
> told
> her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
> punished.
> To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
> threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that
> I
> saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"   The silence was
deafening
>
> after this enlightening exchange.
>
> Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last
of
> my
> dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last
> thing
> I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
>
> 5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three
> year old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on
him
> constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between
>
> errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my
> taco,
> I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
> daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked
to
> go
> potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No."
I
>
> kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't
> have
> any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't
have
> an
> accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an
> accident,
> because the smell was getting worse.
> So, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident?" This time

> he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks
and
>
> yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"  While 30 people nearly choked to

> death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat
> down.
> An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh
> they'd
> ever had!
>
> 6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
very
>
> embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
> before
> she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a
> true
> story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed
> to
> have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
> where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE
have
> to
> leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
>
>
> Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a
> good
> laugh.


Be careful, it's a "Jungle"out there.