To a certain lady on this board. I apparntly played a game, one that I thought to be innocent, by holding a conversation with her under an alias.While in chat the last 2 days. I never once tried to be any different than myself.  I never once said anything insulting but in hindsight I do understand where she percieves it as deceitfulness. I apologize. This is definitly one of those mistakes a man makes in his life that he would do anything to change.

Anything,

Trust is the utmost thing in this world and I took that away. I hope only for the moment and that she will see that my intention was not a deceitful one but what I thought was an innocent one.
That I may somehow regain her trust.

I hope that we can continue on as we were. I so so apologize and am so very sorry.

I am truly sorry
Bob

You may want to tell the person that you are bringing this attention to in a private setting rather than on this forum for seeing this out here may have her backing off more and also I am pretty sure that she would like her privacy respected. Just a suggestion. I hope it works out for you both.




-- Modified on 4/28/2004 9:25:17 PM

-- Modified on 4/29/2004 6:07:14 AM

because I was an idiot.  No other explanation. When someone tends to fuck up they always seem to go a step to far. I do know as hard as it its to believe it was not done in a deceitful manner. As the first day went on I knew it wasn't right and I had no intention of doing it again. I'm sorry I ever did it to begin with. Some mistakes are just to costly.
Guess I just wanted to be part of something. Realized the first day it was wrong and tried to stop but enjoyed talking and I went to far.
I think we all make major mistakes....I just hope that somehow ,someway I can make it up.

I am embarrassed as a man and ashamed as a friend.
Would love to redeem myself.

I beg her forgiveness.
Bob

Basically you deceived her.... bottom line and for you to act like it is an innocent thing is wrong.  You knew exactly what you were doing as you knew who you were talking to and she did not.  You had an agenda, you know that as well as her or I.  So if you think posting something in a public forum asking for forgiveness will fix that you are wrong.  I don't usually get involved but this happened to a good friend.  Bottom line its over and stop the manipulation

Hi there, Bob. YOu may just want to back off and just let the situation stand as is. When you lose someone's trust, it is very hard to get it back I do hope that you are able to let the dust settle, and just let her go forward with what is best for her. Also, you may want to work on what is good for your ownself, and move on.

Mel

-- Modified on 4/29/2004 8:47:10 AM

Bob, what you did in past 2 days was implorable. you were deceitful and insecure person to do something like that to her and she give you no reason for you as friend not to trust her.
you need to realize that when you misplace someone's trust and go spy on them for no reason at all, that could be the end of a good friendship.
a breach of trust between two persons who have agreed to be more open, honest, and trustworthy  as friend but you
violated her trust. Losing someone trust is perhaps one of the most devastating emotional utramas a person can endure
Why would you go behind someone's back, and miss use their trust
for? From what I am gathering, you have no will to give up control
I would find it very hard to trust someone who lies to me. my advice is leave her alone and let her go on with her life.
best of luck hopefully you learn from this mistake
Linda

Linda

You are right in all the things you say.
I am totally in the wrong and I hope that she will realize that a man is not just made up of one action and that there is much more to him.

It is sad that all the trust that I built up I went and threw away in one full swoop.
I hope she does realize someday that I am worthy of her trust again.
The only way a man can learn from his mistake is if the person he harms let's him redeem himself. Any advice on how I can redeem myself in her eyes?

Hope she finds it in her heart.

Thanks
Bob




-- Modified on 4/29/2004 1:16:15 PM

Bob,

You say what you did was an "innocent game."

I'm curious as to your motives...What were you hoping to achieve?

Kathryn

If you didn't use your alias/anonymity for any ill gain, what's the big deal? If you didn't say anything wrong or use your alias in a deceitful manner, where is the betrayal of trust?

I can see where she would think your immature, and pretty much an idiot but immature idiot males are a dime a dozen, you certainly didn't invent that mold. Either there is more to the story or she is (somewhat) blowing it out of proportion and/or very thin skinned. I'm not condoning your act, but it just doesn't seem like the punishment is fitting the actual crime here.

I'll also to advise you that the following acts are also childish: (all of which I thoroughly enjoyed as a kid BTW!)

1. Lighting your farts on fire
2. Putting dog mess in an inflamed paper bag on the neighbors doorstep and ringing the doorbell
3. Calling the the neighbors to ask if they have a pet monkey, then saying "oh that must be YOU I see in the window" and hanging up





-- Modified on 4/29/2004 10:48:57 PM

Peter....to be honest, in my heart I didn't do it for any ill gain, but to be perfectly honest........the person that I did it to was highly offended and felt deeply hurt by it and THAT is what matters to mme.
Because of her hurt and feelings of betrayal by me I know I was wrong no matter how innocent I maywant to make myself believe  it was.  It was a betrayal on my part and something that I will always regret.   Guarantee one thing, never again play games of any kind, no matter how innocenbnt I may think thery are.

But you are right , definitly an immature idiot.  God, it's funny, I always said I never wanted to grow up, but in reality,as much fun as it is in always acting like a kid, sometimes and in some areas we should grow up.  This is one area I definitly need to grow up.
Still am very sorry for what I did and do hope to make make up for my betrayal. My intent doesn't matter anymore, it is clear that what the result was all that matters. And that makes me wrong. In any book that makes me wrong, very wrong

let sleeping dogs lie. The more you cry about this, the more it makes you look sappy, which is the BIGGEST TURN OFF IN ITSELF!. Sorry but no woman wants a man that is acting sappy. What did you think by posting this, that she would suddenly come back to you? WRONG. You are only driving MORE of a wedge between you and her. Stop looking so needy. Be a man and move on. What is done is done. Enough already. SNAP OUT OF IT. This is the best time for you to look at yourself to see what you can change about BOB59. We all need some fine tuning once in a while, and there is nothing wrong with that. But everything happens for a reason, and you need to realize that you cannot change people. They need to want to change for themselves. All you can do is worry about what is BOB59 doing to change himself. Just take a deep breath, and take a step back and access the situation. A man and a woman would be totally turned off by someone who was constantly needy with them. Maybe you need to learn not to be needy, and learn how to just accept circumstances for what they are and just leave it alone. Hopefully, you will take this advice and just concentrate on yourself.



-- Modified on 4/30/2004 8:33:34 AM

-- Modified on 4/30/2004 4:23:40 PM

Is it me that's not letting the sleeping dog lie?......

The only post I ever made was my original one, except for the posts I made in response to others.That post was about a despicable thing that I did to another human being that occurred in this forum. That is the only reason why it is here to begin with.
I really don't get where you feel that I am trying to change anyone. The whole situation has been about my betrayal of someone's trust. Nothing else. And yes, in response to Peter's statement " there must be more to the story", actually there is. This is not about 2 people who just met, this is about 2 people that have and have had a strong personal relationship for quite awhile now. That is why this has affected me so much and why I felt that I have said the things I have.
This person has for over a year now shown complete trust in me and given me total love and  by my doing what I did I betrayed something that she was never able to have in her life before. TRUST in another human being.

Several of the posts, from Crystal, Melinda, WildLinda and Kathyrn Rachael have shown me that no matter how much I wanted to convince myself I was acting innocently, I have learned that I did not. Because of a weakness that I have, insecurity---feeling of unworthyness, I guess my agenda turned out to be the proverbial "fly on the wall". Something that we all at one time or another have wanted to be. Turns out that I never needed to do that cause this wonderful woman is as true to her word and heart as she always testified to be. I had the most precious gift, a completely open and honest woman and through my "immature idiotic" action, I have done a great deal of harm.

The thing is that what you don't understand or I think will ever believe is that I don't want her trust back for myself, I want it back for her. It is a gift that she found for the first time in her life and I want HER to be able to have that feeling of security in being able to completely trust someone again. That is what my purpose is. And yes, I hope it will be with me, for a very long time.

As far as being "sappy"...well not sure how I can defend that. All I know is that the way I was raised was to stand up like a man an admit your wrongs. If you do wrong in front of people, you stand up in front of those people and admit it. You don't go hide in a corner. You stand center ring, chin out, in front of everyone and stand behind your own name and take what comes your way. I never started this any other way. I didn't hide behind any alias this time. I stood up as Bob59.

Yes I am taking your advice, I am taking care of Bob59's issues, I am taking a step back and assessing my faults.The only neediness that I need is forgiveness from this wonderrful woman. Anything else that you perceive as needyness is actually just "want, desire and a great love" for a woman.
Finally, I never , ever would expect her to "suddenly come back to me". She didn't suddenly come to me in the first place. I had to earn her respect, love and TRUST back then. I am no fool. I know I have her love, I believe I have her respect and I DEFINITLY know that I MUST earn her trust, and that to earn it this time will be much, much harder than the first time.


-- Modified on 4/30/2004 5:18:25 PM

-- Modified on 4/30/2004 5:22:57 PM

Although I know it is not I of whom you speak of but another,
I do think your formal apology is not only worthy but one that I would welcome. I commend you for taking the time to realize your fault and acknowledge it!
Thanks ~CarleeofArizona