that you dont want to see them anymore?

I always thought silence(not responding to phone/email) would be best.

Any circumstance where they would expect more of an explanation?

Also, I suspected once that a lady didnt want to see me anymore because she would accept an appointment then cancel it on the day of. If she didnt want to see me why would she even accept the date in the first place?

especially when you are not dating them.

you are paying for their time.

snap out of it, buddy

Lol
Oh August, I would be equally as sad if you broke up with me! Have a heart would ya ?

Sometimes people find connections in the business, its case by case. I am not Dr. Phil (thank God, hair looks better on me) but I would say gentle, honest and direct and do what is best for you without causing harm to others and remember this experience for the next time. . maybe not get too close or "regular?" There has to be a boundary or line set for your own well being

xoxo
Brooke

...you don't owe us any more than basic respect; and the rate for the time you used.

.....how regularly you saw her and good the connection you once had with her was. And depending on that you simply telling her "I won't be seeing you anymore" might warrant further explanation...or not.

Silence would be my first choice, but if not then lying is preferable to hurting someone's feelings.

Honesty is not always the best policy.

As for the provider who cancels the day of the appointment:  If this happens more than once, then move on.  She either doesn't want to see you or is too flakey to deal with, or both.

Silence and avoidance was my first go to response mrfisher but I think he said that wasnt working or just emailing wasnt enough. . I do agree with you, this would be the "easiest" way
Theres really no need for drama in this business it should be cut and dry but there are many different personalities here and people are unpedictable lol.

1.  You don't owe her an explanation. Only you can decide if you have known her long enough or well enough to offer one.  Most of the time trying to explain yourself will cause more drama than just saying nothing.

2.  Simple, she needs to earn a living.  She is hedging her bets until a better offer comes along.

-- Modified on 9/26/2012 12:54:32 PM

I usually never see a provider twice, and now I'm seriously involved with a now-retired provider I met in the hobby; our first date we both knew it was very different than the ordinary connection if you know what I mean.

This doesnt happen for everyone, of coarse.

But I'd suggest silence, you really don't need the drama.

snap out of what?

she would contact me when she was in town.

I really dont feel "too close or regular". I dont see her every week. I actually prefer the two other providers I see over her.(I see each one for different reasons)

1.I know what you mean. It's easy for people to misunderstand your reasons.

2.but she only sees one client per day.lol! and it was planned for weeks.

I almost hedged my bets by scheduling another provider.I couldn't go through with it, but I guess I should have because she cancelled leaving me holding tickets to a show I couldn't get rid of.

The only instances in which I can think an explanation for choosing not to see a provider again would be appropriate is if you have an arrangement of sorts where you are expected to meet your end of a financial agreement or if you have crossed professional boundaries and have been seeing the provider socially or romantically as well.

I have have had clients who would see me weekly or monthly for several months or a couple of years and then not contact me....if they returned that was fine, my arms were and are always open.  
If they did not....that is the nature of these relationships.  
As professionals connections with us are intended to be easy, drama-free and fluid for the client.

makes sense.

My initial thought was just that. if she didnt want to see me, i would assume she would not answer my attempts to contact her which would be ok with me. since we had a "pattern" of seeing each other i contemplated letting her know it would be ending.not a big deal.i'll figure it out.

That people can't be upfront anymore??  Tell her that you don't want to see her anymore.  That it was a good time and that she is a good person.  That you hope that life goes well for her.  Then if there is drama...it is on her not you.
Of course, I'm assuming that she doesn't know any of your real info.  I would never give a provider my real full name, address, phone, work, etc...  So if she is physco and wants to cause drama she only has your hobby phone # and email.
I'm in sales and deal with prosepective clients all the time.  I hate it when they go silent.  Thngs are fine and friendly then they just go silent????  If you're not interested just tell me...I'll be fine and I won't be mad.  Nothing ever works out 100%.

I normally would not say anything to a provider because i don't think she would really care one way or another.


I think,generally, in the hobbyist/provider "relationship", the former is the one who thinks it's more than it really is. If I sent that type of email, a short "explanation" if you will or, a goodbye message, it would just end up in the trash bin a few minutes later.

When I first started in the biz, the hardest lesson was letting go after a wonderful time. Now I cherish each visit with no expectations of follow up visits - but very often wistfully hope they will come back. I don't 'own anyone' . Although there a special people that are always very cherished in my heart. Hum, I even wrote a few blogs on this topic.
We may provide a service but some of us are not without feelings.

As to the explanation.....I think it depends on what you want to do. Me, I'd say if you saw her everyweek then it might be considerate to let her know you won't be back around and thank her for a good run. Otherwise - who knows, don't say anything because you MAY want to come back and visit in a couple of months
I have to have a thick skin to cover my heart, sometimes, and that is part of what I took on when I signed up for this adventure. Enjoy 'em while they're there, is my motto!

why the heck would you make an appointment knowing she was going to cancel.  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.  My advice is dont say anything.  As I have read all your posts and come to the conclusion,  that its the second part of the original post your dwelling on.  My advice to you move on and say nothing and book another provider.

actually, it's about two different providers.

yep, they're on the back burner until i decide.

I'm gonna see third lady next time.

I've never had a lady contact me about a session

I'm thinking I want to look for another potential Fav...  But IF she knew you had tickets & was more than a hour date...  then she SHOULD appologize & explain what emergency caused here to break your date.  She'd expect the same from you.  If she doesn't within a day or so, then I'd write her off & no explanation needed because SHE made her choice.  
I had a well reviewed provider, confirm the night before & then the morning of, ignore my calls.  I wasted one opportunity on her.  I never heard from her again... though I see her posts.  I would not see her now, if it was FREE because I'm not going to risk my time for her.  

I'd not contact her again.  If she contacts you, you have a dilema.  I prefer the no dama approach but you might feel differently.

the original post was about two different providers actually. the second part about the lady cancelling is perplexing because she is acting so flaky. she is also well reviewed. I always assumed if a lady doesn't want to see you she'd just stop answering emails but this provider didnt. she responded back and forth all the way through then STILL cancelled. TWICE! (I had seen her  last year without issues)


thing is  i dont like to jump to conclusions so i let things slide and usually dont make a big deal about things but I think i have my answer.