" This was posted on another forum, and I thought I would share....

ESCORT 411 – TAKE THIS ADVICE BEFORE SEEING AN ESCORT.

As an escort there is only so much Icansay to your face as my livelihooddepends on putting up with your bullshit. Even those of you who regularly see me can annoy the fuck out of me. First off MONEY DOES NOT BUY MY LOVE it buys you time and that does NOT include free time. Honestly what make you think, you little fucking leprechaun with a penis not much bigger than the eraser of a no. 2 pencil,that Iwould consider the retarded idea of you leaving your poor wife of 40 years so I can spend the rest of my life enduring your rabbit fucking not to mention feeling like an amazon standing next to your tiny 4'11 frame? I mean come the fuck on – knock it off already with the googly eyes and the sighs followed by 'you are all I think about, Ilove you' followed by the awkward silence that staggers EVERY fucking time you do this. Thanks for paying my rent but you need to know that I never think about you, not ever, not even while your eager eraser is rapidly but barely penetrating my vagina. I swear to god if she had eyes they would be rolling every time you do this. Oh by the way I have never cum while you shake your face from left to right in my pussy – not once.

Ok for the other weirdo with the world's ugliest cock that resembles agroundhog. Yes it's big but gross. It is squishy and fucking cold? Why is your groundhog so fucking cold? Cold to the touch and so ugly? You should never show that thing to anyone but your handand maybe that's why you see me and I swear you are the first client that made me realize my karmais in full effect. The way you stare at your self in the mirror while thrusting your entire lower half of your body up and down while I ride you is fucking weird douche bag –watch some porn for Christ's sake. You are only supposed to move your pelvis you freak. I'the think you'the get that hint every time you buck me off. I hate you but you pay me for several hours at a time (and even that is almost not enough to keep seeing you). Um no I am not going to ride you for 3 straight hours you fucking nut, no one will especially with that ugly cock. You are the worst I have to say and I hate you more than anyone congrats. You have made me realize that my acting skills are better than I thought OR you are just plain stupid.

For those of you expecting me to suck your dick but don't manscape your shit: I should not have more gagging of the hairy balls episodes than my fucking cat. When you show up with an afro Bush in your ugly area, I have images of taking the hair off my hairbrush and sticking it inyour mouth to see how you like it stupid fuck. Then you start with the 'you're going to use a condom? ' stupid question. Um Yeah. Do I want your dried piss, pre cum and whatever / whoever else in my mouth? Hell no. Besides it never ceases to amaze me when you are seeing an ESCORT, even wanting to go there uncovered on anything. That tells me you must be adirty bastard.

To the Titty Twisting Assholes: you like my big tits right? You like to look at them, touch them even lick them right? There will be aday you may not even have those senses to see, touch or taste because I will have beat the shit out of you for practically twisting or sucking my nipples off. No escort likes this assholes, we see more men than just you and you ruin it for the rest of them.

Butthole breath – you know who you are and if you don't, now would be the time to ask someone about your breath. If you don't floss regularly you can bet your breath smells like your ass crack on a hot summers day so make flossing and Listerine ahabit. If you decide to indulge in the garlic, curry or red fucking onions then simply excuse kissing from our session, it's the polite thing to do. When you notice I am turning my head to avoid your mouth don't keep trying to stick your nasty breath my way stupid ass. The same applies to you stupid fucks that have these wet gaping mouths that cover half of my face – I don't want your saliva on my face! Not even a little bit.

Now listen the fuck up time takers- if you pay me for a certain amount of time that is what you will get. I have been nice and allowed a little extra and you seem to think that a little extra gets longer and longer every time, until your greedy ass gets butt hurt when I kick you out whether you have finished or not. If you wanted more time, then pay for more time dumbass. I love to shoot the shit with you but when you are a pain in the ass guy with stalker like tendencies it's annoying and no I don't want to spend one more second hearing how you wish we could be together forever. Let me be clear, all I want is your money and hopefully an easy fuck session that ends quickly. I would never look for a relationship in my black book of clients, dumb fuck. Some of you are so fucking far out of reality I don't think it's possible to pull your head out from way up in your own ass. It's weird. I am an actress, giving you great sex and fantasies to take home to bust anut to later – THAT IS IT. I don't blame some of your wives for not wanting to fuck you,I don't want to either but thank god Idon't have to live with you, my props tothem.

Ok now for you fat fucks that think you are the shit because you have been a hobbyist forever. Do me and whoever else you subject your hanging fat folds to – when you shower lift the folds and scrub. After you do this take astick of deodorant to these areas – like the area under you long fat gut that cannot breath. Because evenif you shower you know your fat ass is sweating while getting dressed let alone while driving over to see me. When you are lying on your back and I lift that gut to find your hiding genitals it fucking makes me hurl in my mouth. So put some deodorant inside those folds – it will help.

My favorites are those who show up on time, don't talk much and when finished get upand leave but always leave a little extra. They know I will always take care of them because they get it and they don't ask my real name or if I have a FB or try to find out where I live because they know the deal and you guys are the ones that make it bearable.

The rest of you who cannot seem to find a woman or keep one please know that going to an escort is not the same as match dot fucking com. Just because some of us are nice, not mechanical and beautiful does not mean we want anything more to do with you than what you are already getting assholes.

Yours Truly

Another Escort"

Your thoughts if any? (oh god lol, wonder who I am mimicking)

3likes

I'd like to be the romantic one and tell you that the girls "honestly like you," but the fact of the matter is that they're trying to make money for themselves, not to "make friends." Knowing that, there is still room for you to pay for their services, have a good time and go back to your regular life. While they're selling their services to make a living, you're paying up for them to leave after you had a great time. It's mutually beneficial and it has worked for thousands of years.  

Cheer up, brother... Remember that you're not paying for them to be your girlfriend. You're paying for them to leave after you're done.

Ya man... I understand that some people don't take care of themselves. With that being said, I always make it a priority to go see a girl clean, smelling good and well groomed. It's not only common courtesy, but it improves the overall experience.

 
Do I enjoy when the provider is having a good time too? Absolutely... It's a big turn-on for me! But the hateful person who wrote that rant (yet, continues to do a job she apparently seems to hate) forgot one simple fact: we're the ones paying up to have a good time. We're not paying for her to have a good time. She seems to simply hate her job and I bet her one-time clients notice that too.

Boston,

I had the same response as you.

I'm in my mid-40's, decent but not great shape (but I'm kinda short). I guess I'm not the best lover (otherwise my wife would be a little more eager). But I'm successful at work, so I make a lot of money.

I've always hoped that providers felt the same was as I did - this was a mutually beneficial transaction, and we're both pretty glad it happened.

I try to be respectful in every way - I show up and leave on time, I groom carefully and wash thoroughly. I try to make friendly (but DEFINITELY not prying) conversation. In other words, I try to be a complete gentleman.

And I try my best to be a generous, satisfying lover (although, as I said before, I'm realistic - I'm probably not the best).

And of course - I always tip, at least $100.

Ultimately - my attitude is that I'm paying for the privilege of the companion's time.

I've HOPED that the providers I see actually enjoy our time together. Of course - I'm honest - I know it wouldn't happen unless I was paying them.

But the idea that she might actually despise me... that does take a little wind out of my sails, and makes me a little less eager for my next date.

Not sure what to make of that...

How did everyone skip over the part, where she described the type of client she does enjoy/

Krystal,

In fairness, it seems like she said this:

Worst case - I want to puke when I see you.

Best case - If you show up, finish quickly and quietly without saying anything, and leave early, then you're OK.

I think some of us were hoping that for something a little better than that.

In other words, what we were hoping for... We show up, share a little nice conversation and a few laughs, have mutually enjoyable, satisfying sex, then relax together for a few minutes, with some GENUINE appreciation of each others company.

I guess we feel bad that THAT'S not on the table (at least with her...

Jeff, I cannot believe that anyone would be naive enough to believe anything said to them when they have had to pay the "friend" to spend time with them.  Please.  

Now, the above, well written rant is probably more extreme than most of the ladies think of most of their paying friends.  Thats because they hardly think about their paying customers as people.  It is work to the ladies.  Some might actually enjoy some portion of it, but that is the exception rather than the rule.  

How do you know if the lady actually enjoys spending time with you?  When she stops taking your "donations".  Even then, I would be very suspicious of the lady if I spent any off the clock time with them.  I would suspect that there was an ulterior motive.

If I was good with the ladies, I certainly wouldn't be paying them!  We can joke all we want about paying them to leave, but really there are plenty of other ways to get a person to leave than pay them.

Get real or get therapy.  

-- Modified on 6/21/2013 10:45:00 AM

I know this is not going to be what all providers feel but I think that she summed it up well. I was pretty amused by it being so closely associated with it from both sides. I have been a BF of a provider for some years now. I can attest that this is actually what most of them think because I have heard it and from her associates also.
  Most of the times it is because the guys do not act like the last client referenced in her post. Just think of it this way if you were in a club or on the streets and met this provider what are the chances this woman would be going home with you? Most of the clients are chasing young woman half or more than half their age. some half their size. So when you show up just have a good time and be friendly. I think this is the type of person that gets a better expierience. Don't force the GFE issue. You can't make someone be attracted to you because you are paying for it, this is nature even if your paying for it.  
   If you are looking for a girlfriend you are in the wrong place. Whoever dreamed up the so-called GFE must have been a lonely delusional man and the women love dumb men (especially when they leave that money behind). Prostitutes (or as we like to fool ourselves by calling them a providers now a days) did not deal with this stupidity before. You went to see her did your business and left under a cloak of secrecy. Now there is some type of glamour to this till you get caught and it is still prostituition or better yet now a days "human trafficking".  This is suppose to be fun and a distraction from everyday life.  
  As for the types of guys she was right on. You have the guy who has money and shows up two or three times in less than a week. He wants her for himself and makes it clear that he can afford anything he or she wants but what she really wants is him to stop being obsessed with her. If there was chemistry it would have happened and showing up over and over is not going to make it happen. Actually it would probably have the opposite affect because she's thinking that you are a stalker and now conveys her concerns to her BF. lighten up have fun dude
  Then there is the A-hole who shows up with no emotions and makes it known that she is providing a service like the maid he just passed in the hall and it is all about him. Which maybe it is to some extent but I think it bothers the provider when they start directing them to wear this or do that and again depending on the chemistry and if the provider is having a bad day may get mixed results. Ending with the client not so happy. Lighten up dude this is suppose to be fun.
  Now we have the guy who has plenty of emotional baggage and is looking for some therapy. She now has to listen to how he is unhappy with his wife because she is this or she doesn't do that. But what he doesn't realize is this is exactly what turns a woman off hearing a man talk about his wife like that on the other hand she is watching the clock tick away which is less painful than having to pretend that she actually is interested in you. Shut your mouth and have fun.  
 
  A piece of advice guys leave your problems out in the hall go in and be friendly. Treat her like you want to be treated and you will have better results. And always remember it begins and ends with that door opening and closing don't fool yourself these girls want YOUR MONEY NOT YOU. Hope I didn't break anyones heart or burst their bubble . Have fun hobbying and the girls will respect you more and like spending some time with you.

There's a reason I refer to "My Boys", as "My Boys".  I don't tell someone I like their cock, if I don't like their cock.  I go by the 'can't say something nice? don't fucking say it' rule.  We're not all cold hearted cunts.  Sometimes you guys do need another shower. Sometimes you're not the best lovers.  She was very crass and jaded but she had a few valid points.  

I think I can speak for a few of us girls who do enjoy what we do and our clients when I say this... There are PLENTY of dudes who make me smile by just texting me. There are PLENTY of dudes I look forward to seeing, you know who you are =) I don't date in the real world and yes you pay me for my time, but you're also respectful and spoil me so I show my appreciation by doing the same in return. Treat me like a princess, I'll treat you like a King.  I just want my king to shower and pop in some gum lol

Just as when a professional stand up comedian gets on stage and makes jokes about exaggerated realities to make a bad situation humorous, you should be taking that rant with a grain of salt.  

What's interesting is that what that girl did was give mini reviews of some of her worst clients.  Every time we see someone, we make sure we're bringing our A game because we know that if any little thing sucks for you, such as our breath, if our coochie was smelly, if we kicked you out in 15 minutes, etc... and all those other things that are rude, that shit GOES STRAIGHT INTO A REVIEW OF US online for everyone in the world to see.  When you guys have 'bad hooker' qualities, we don't go ripping you a new one in a review.

Whether you work at McDonalds, a law firm, or as an escort, if you hate your job, DON'T FUCKING DO IT.  Switch career paths.  

Now, back to our regularly scheduled hobbying please.

Personally, I like offering the GFE experience, rather than have some guy show up and just use my body as a jungle gym or use me just as a hole.  The point of the GFE experience, when done correctly, is to have it feel like it's not just some impersonal encounter.  

All prostitutes aren't in this just for the money, cringing every time we blow you.  Yes, this job does allow me to put money away faster than if I worked as a regular IT professional or whatever, but I quit a real career that I did not enjoy as much, to start this career that I simply love.  You being the BF of an escort, well, let's just say, she's likely not coming home telling you about her favorite clients who rock her world.

There are many different styles of girls, just as there are many different types of guys. The key is making a good match. Some of you guys just want a hole. You're not for me and I try to weed that personality type out.  

None of this is as cut and dry as we'd like because this is a business based on illusions and delusions.  Just sit back and enjoy the shit while you can.

ww

I have and am no longer twisting her titties and I am seeing  a  
dermatologist about getting a "CockLift" similar to a "FaceLift" do my cock is not so ugly.

We are working on our relationship and I will keep all posted on how we are progressing.

Rest assured "mnifgpcmfg" you are an escorts dream. The type of client a provider says "hmmm I wonder where so and so had been." You smell great, look great, wonderful to talk to, considerate, and  know how to make a woman feel good. And as far as your SO is concerned..... for us ladies that have young ones in the home (if you can relate), this really drains the libido. It would take Tatum Channing and a bottle of wine for me to feel a little something after dinner cleanup and homework. Otherwise I need to be well rested and out of the house to forget the mom 1/2 of me