He put it on the table, but I did not even look at it, mention it, etc. because at that point I had already made up my mind that I was not comfy. He took it with him when he left- WHO in their right mind would make the friend give them a donation when they are being asked to leave???? He just got there, really? I feel like as an upscale and I have worked hard to prove myself in Boston, in such a short time that that would not be of question because it is a refelction of my character. I guess there are models that have ruined it for the legit ones....
Hi Boston,
Since I am a new provider, I need your thoughts, I had a meeting with a known hobbyist from this board and upon meeting him I started sweating, my heart started racing, and I politely told him to leave. I am not sure if it's because I was super nervous about it or what...never felt this way before meeting anyone that I have corresponded with for a week or two in advance. I do feel guilty sending him away, since I know he traveled and was looking forward to it...thoughts?
It would depend. Weird feeling how? That he was LE?
I'll take your word that this isn't a pre-emptive strike to head off a complaining post on his part.
It's a bit unusual (actually a first since I've been on this board), but I expect that there could be lots of reasons. He may have reminded you (visual or smell cues?) of someone you either had great feelings for (perhaps the man of your dreams?) or great feelings against (fear of physical or emotional harm from a previous experience?). I think if you sensed it was LE, you would not have posted here with the symptoms of your panic attack -- which is what it sounds like you had. Something deeper in your subconscious, I suspect.
He is not LE, not that I am aware of he is actually known on the board. I think what set it off was an experience I had when I used to dance and THAT gent was vice...not that I'm comparing but it just set off flashbacks, they did look similar. I was being paranoid, just surpressed memories. Ugh, I am going to reach out to some models who have seen him and go from there... just never had sweaty nerves like this! I'll take safety over "gifts" anyday though.
Aside from your panic attach after him leaving did you think about why you felt that way and if you don't mind can you share those thoughts and feelings. I've never heard of this happening before and I'm curious.
I get that 'stunned and unable to move' feeling when I open the door and the guy is drop dead gorgeous.... oh babe' oh babe' oh babe'
Seriously, though, it is always best to follow your gut feelings.
Possibly try to work out whatever was causing the 'off' feeling?
or an email. I'm going to echo what jhonny8770 said, and suggest that you try to contact this guy. Put yourself in his shoes for a minute. You say that you had a strange feeling. How do you think he felt when, for no apparent reason, you told him to leave. I know we have to go with our gut feeling, but I think the poor guy at least deserves an explanation.
I understand that you are new, and nerves can kick in, but you need to be professional above all else.
I will remember not to give you my real board handle before we meet ![]()
Just don't make this a habit.
I was professional, I don't owe him anything at the end of the day. It's business, BUT as a genuine person I have given it some thought all day and just PM'd him. I do listen to my gut and this time it just kicked in, I do have a professional modeling career outside the business and IF anything were to happen I would be absolutely devastated...hope to meet YOU soon. XO
I suppose at the end of the day you don't owe him anything. He only made plans (excuses to be out of the office or away from home etc...), drove to you, maybe took a shower
etc....
OK - that was meant kind of sarcastically.
I don't think you owe him an apology, but certainly an explanation (you indicated you did that or at least reached out to him).
The important question that no one asked is, did you keep his donation or give it back?! :P
He put it on the table, but I did not even look at it, mention it, etc. because at that point I had already made up my mind that I was not comfy. He took it with him when he left- WHO in their right mind would make the friend give them a donation when they are being asked to leave???? He just got there, really? I feel like as an upscale and I have worked hard to prove myself in Boston, in such a short time that that would not be of question because it is a refelction of my character. I guess there are models that have ruined it for the legit ones....
"I was professional, I don't owe him anything at the end of the day. "
Excuse me? Taking time out of someone's day and then turning him away, you say don't feel the need to at least apologize?
Not only did you waste the guy's time, but you also possibly took business away from another provider that day.
I'm not sure who taught you your manners, but that attitude is sure as hell un-professional.
Good point! If he's that well known and posted on the board that he was turned away for no reason....I certainly would not try and book.
You need to see things both ways because providers get very upset when a gentleman doesn't show up understandably so. No apology my ass.
I'm going to have to file this one away for the next time a guy blows off an appointment.
Perhaps you're just allergic to him or his heavy after-shave.
Of course, it is best to listen to your intuition. If you weren't comfortable with him, it is best to ask him to leave and return his money if you have it.
She chose not to excuse him anyway despite her gut reaction.
After an hour of behaving relatively normally he attacked her and her back was broken (she was nearly paralyzed).
Hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills and months of physical therapy later, hindsight is 20/20. She said that she knew that something "wasn't right" despite him having being verified but she continued anyway.
Jordan all providers, even the most experienced become frightened, paranoid or fearful(justified or irrationally) of "known quantities" (verified clients).
Nearly all providers at some point will ask a client to leave.
On occasion I've even lapped into months of irrational paranoia and a lack of confidence in my own capabilities in protecting myself at which point I've gone work for services until I could fully get over it.
I would say that there is not necessarily anything wrong with your having excused him because you were frightened...but I do hope that you take a more proactive approach than your comment "I don't owe him anything" above- because as a professional, you do.
You owe him respect and honesty both of which allow him to retain some of his dignity. This is a very sensitive service Jordan; imagine if you planned and traveled to someone's door and you were turned away arbitrarily? It would leave you confused and your feelings would be hurt (not to mention a loss of time and possibly income).
Typically provider discomfort occurs for one of two reasons: incomplete, rushed or tenuous screening practices or an immediate lack of chemistry.
I think that you need to be honest with yourself, consider why you chose to ask him to leave, take responsibility for that and make an effort to make amends with him via email. He'll respect you for it and you will have learned something about yourself and your business.
Jordan- you seem like a very sweet girl.
A sense of entitlement or a disproportionate sense of importance of your well-being or comfort over that of your clients is something that is very hard to break once you've made bad habits or assumed a staunch position. Take this time now, while you're new, fresh and have great momentum to make good habits. Keep an empathetic, productive perspective & approach towards each client and meeting. Intuition is a powerful tool in this business...but you have to try to discern between when you are being irrationally fearful or when something is legitimately wrong. Erring on the side of caution is totally fine- but you have to be willing to correct that action and make amends if your intuition or "spidey sense" is wrong.
Good luck honey - and spend more time on the provider only board; you don't have to post your questions there but you can learn a great deal by reading through the archives.
Take good care of yourself,
Ally
Always go with your gut. Girls get robbed, cheated and roughed-up every day from guys who passed screening. No matter how carefully you have done your homework prior to the appointment, once you are alone in a room with a guy all you really have are your wits and your own good judgment to protect you.
I know a lady who let a guy slide a few years ago when, after many appointments, he shorted her twenty five bucks. She figured he just counted wrong. A month later he shorted her a hundred bucks! Needless to say he became an ex-regular. Another gal I see often caught a regular going through her pocketbook when she came out of the bathroom. In both cases these guys had been screened and had references. Always go with your gut.