Ladies, for a limited time, I am offering the ultimate Boyfriend experience. I have the following packages available:

Two hour incall introduction
I will walk around your place in my underwear and scratch my butt with your remote control, fail to notice when you get your hair done or dress nice and make you fetch me endless beers until I pass out on your couch.

Threesome and more.
If you wish to extend our time together, I’ll invite my slob friends over and let you make us snack foods while we watch football and fail to thank you.  We will discuss totally improper things in front of you and they will make sexist comments about your butt while I do absolutely nothing about it.

Ultimate dinner date.
Romance beyond your wildest dreams.  Our evening will start with a romantic dinner for two at a Hooters or Steak and Shake location of your choice.  If you fail to pick us up a waitress, we will proceed to the opera house where I will complain about not understanding Italian and fall asleep half way through the opening aria, snoring like a chainsaw and embarrassing you to no end.  I may get in a fight while leaving and vomit on my opponent.

Please call for rates.  As you can imagine, my availability is very limited.  In order to give you the attention you deserve,  I only book 12 appointments a day.




I will cum to you !


[this is shamelessly stolen from someone else...but it was just too good to waste away in the archive]

You will remember our day so well.  Or it might be a night, if I can get a ride to you.
Let's see..... I will come with my walking stick, metamucil, and cardigan sweater.   I will ask to use the bathroom.  I will be out in 15-20 minutes.  I will slowly walk up to you.  Raise your skirt with my walking stick and I will begin to smile. Maybe not a toothy grin, goodness knows I cannot even remember my real teeth.  I will frisk you to be sure you do not have any magnets that might disrupt my pacemaker.  

I will have taken out my teeth, so I do not swallow them.  I will ask you to spread em' as I am not strong enough to help.  I will put my mouth with the clean gums on it and will try to remember what’s next.  I will then lie next to you on the bed as I cannot stand very long and it is always past my bed time.  

If I can stay awake I will watch your pleasure yourself with my walking stick, in case your rabbit has died.  Please recharge the batteries if you plan a long session.  Long sessions to me are mere moments.

Sorry if I drool on the sheets, but the adult depends makes sure that would be the only spill.  
I hope you love us mature gentlemen!!!!!!!!
Rates are on an individual basis and depend on whether I can remember them or how to open an envelope.

OK guys here one for you.

If roles were reversed and men were provider and ladies were the hobbiest,

Could you, as you look right now make it as a provider???

If you are brave enough to answer yes, write a few lines to highlight your unique talents that will make the ladies want to see you.

Here is mine:

“Middle aged white male, slightly overweight, thinning hair.
Can pop twice on a good day maybe.
Great oral skills (Yes I can lick my eyebrows with my tongue)
G-Spot specialists can make you squirt like a fire hose.
Reference from a know provider required. "

Offering the complete BFE.
I will ask to borrow money as well as your car.
I will also want a sandwich.

To be truthful, I stole this from TER postings several years ago, but, continue to see a lot of humor.

I thought about posting my make believe ad but I can't compete with DD's ad.  Needed a good laugh today.  Well done, even if it's not your original work.

Why would I need the hobby if I was good looking enough to be a male provider?

you guys have the best     the best     sense of humor,   I can't see how any
                                                                                                     female
                                                                                                           could
                                                                                                                 resist you!

Grand Father Experience  

Attributed to Charlie Sheen ("I don't pay them for sex. I pay them to leave."), I pin my hopes on there being enough "Charlene Sheen"s so, once I get in the door, I can hang around long enough to get paid to leave.

Big problem. I have no clue what sort of ad I'd write to get in the door. I guess I'd post something symbolic, like:

C*U=*T*^E  g()u()y  with sta_)(min!!a of $i$yphU$ can pro+++vide h@o@@$^&*t //ser//v#%ce. I!n*()Ca11 or O{}U[]T-Ca11. Only 4oo c0mic $$$ bOOks per hour.  

[I mean, what the F am I going to do with roses?]

Kinda scary!?!?
http://boston.craigslist.org/sob/m4w/2482769294.html

Now this one is gonna be a talker!
http://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/m4w/2482730846.html

And this one? PSE?
Psycho Sadomasochist Experience? (Sorry, just not my cup o' tea!)
http://boston.craigslist.org/bmw/m4w/2482822129.html

-- Modified on 7/11/2011 3:51:11 PM