I made a call today to arrange an extended meeting with a woman I think the world of, my newest ATF. Only one other woman has ever come close to her in sexuality and emotional intimacy. When I asked the agency about her availability, I was told I was on her "Don't want to see list". This absolutely blew me away.  

Last week, I was able to see her as she is an out of towner. Frankly, I was tired and had already jerked off twice that day, but I so wanted to see her once I knew she was in town. Our times together had been so amazing, I didn't want to wait because of my work schedule. Anyway the sex was good, not off the charts as it usually was, and a bit vanilla by our standards which was ok. I take most of  responsibility for this since I was tired. After I came (as she did too) we cuddled and talked like the old friends.

She then shared some very personal stuff with me. Very personal, more than most of the personal stuff we share with out ATFs when we've earned each other's trust. When I left that evening I told her what a great perdon5 she was and how much I admired and respected her and how she's handling her situation. She said it meant a lother  coming from me. As always, my lips are sealed, whether it's gossipy hobby stuff or things it a more intimate nature.

Having reached this level of trust and sexuality chemistry, one might understand how I was so caught off guard. I emailed her and mentioned our vanilla session, the fact that I was too tired to petform to my standards (?) and how much I was looking forward to seeing her again before she left town.  

I'll respect her wish and not email her to try to explain or ask "what happened" and what might I have said that she misunderstood.

I've been using the agency for years and have 5☆ credibility there, but I'm also concerned what they may think. Even they were surprised as they told me more than once that she really liked me, something I hadn't quite heard from them or any other agency before, and I'm rather well respected elsewhere too. Sigh men,

What to do? I guess I know, but I welcome the insights of the community, male and female. This is what this forum is all about.Learning from those who have been there.  I'm fine, not brokenhearted but I'm definitely bummed out. No one likes it
when  beauty slips thru your fingers

It can be deceiving while you are with her because good chemistry has been known to fog the mind, but once alone and she feels upset with herself for letting her guard down, she came to the conclusion that it would be best to keep her distance from now on.  

Good lesson for all of us here. Thanks for sharing it.

without going into details (this was civvie life) my partner did something she eventually regretted. Because I was part of the scene (saw it happen) she essentially cut my off her life for a while. Why do I know this? Years later she told me.

It may be (just a guess) that she may be regretting having shared so much personal stuff and this is the way she is dealing with it. In other words it ain't you even though you are made to pay for it.

Sad thing - and you already know it - there basicalyy nothing you can do about it. So, chin up and move along...

Probably how I kept a lonnng thing going. She kept most of the personal intimate things separate ... still very close and personal, but always professional in the end.

Sometimes we are tired or have our guard down after an intense session. It's hard to then to in total control. Sometimes we open up and are transparent. Later we might regret it. I've personally learned to just allow myself to be as I am in that moment without regret. It's self observation without judgement. She is probably judging her transparency, and thinking in was something about you that triggered her honesty. She may figure it out later and reach out to you. But it's best you just let her be in her one head right now. There are so many wonderful woman. You'll find another ATF and maybe one who doesn't regret her transparent moments  

Not judging in the slighest. Too much respect for the woman. But it's nice to get a woman's perspective and insight. Thanks.  

If it was outside of the jobby, I'd wait then call, but the hobby has its unique parameters. Everyone needs their respective space occasionally  including us men.  

ATF aside, many of us enjoy a connection beyond the fuck. I'm one, but I've also enjoyed a wham bam, thank you ma'am. I'm not trying to kid anyone, but connection is nice.

It always struck me that you too enjoyed b that connection" Flora.
If you weren't gone, I'd would have enjoyed sharing that with you.  
But I had my chances.  

Enjoy your voyage abroad. Somehow I know you will and several men will "thank their lucky stars" that you've graced them with your presence.

I don't know you or the lady in question....i have been in this gig for many years though....knowing what i know about this....nobody suddenly puts Ben  Jamin on the dns list for no reason....that just doesn't happen....you either freaked her out on some level....maybe your breath was rancid?  Are you possibly old enough to be her grandpappy and the obvious crush you have on her made her feel wierd?  Without knowing all the info its impossible to figure this out.  I will tell you this....recently  i was seeing this one fabulous fella  very frequently....he was cool,  he kissed purrrrrrfectly,  the sex was definitely amazing  et cetera et cetera et cetera.  Long story short  there was a falling out,  he now pays no attn to me at all and it makes me want to devour him.   Follow his lead.  If she wants you,  that will drive her crazy.

I hate to tell you all that glitters isn't gold .. This is a job for these women as much as we think "they really like us and we have something special" the guy before and after you could of felt the same way .  
If the are charging you there not into you .. It's Your  intimacy not hers . I've dated providers and they laugh at guys think there together and often they don't even like the trick ..The bottom line don't fall for providers unless your seeing them on a personal level off the clock no fee.

Or were does she live

Are you sure you did not short her money or pay fully for your time?Unless you are a total weirdo these are the only 2 issues she would care about,otherwise she would be happy to go on taking your money.Do not go down the road of intimacy with hookers as it is a one way st.