: A little Wednesday humor : Discussion in Boston, posted by gagauhlala

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A little Wednesday humor

gagauhlala 14 Reviews 1223 reads

posted 17 years ago

Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary.

Every other word was an expletive; those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything he could think of. Nothing worked.

He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.

Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior".

Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?"

DT_lover17 years ago1530 reads

Parrot joke II

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her & said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution, & sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway.

She took it home & hung the bird's cage up in her living room & waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, & said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her 2 sisters returned from school the bird saw & said,"New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls & the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how & where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Dave came home from work.

The bird looked at him & said, "Hi, Dave."

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Foodyguy17 years ago1591 reads

Parrot joke III

A postal carrier is working on a new beat. He comes to a garden gate marked BEWARE OF THE PARROT! He looks down the garden and, sure enough, there's a parrot sitting on its perch. He has a little chuckle to himself at the sign and the parrot there on its perch.

The mailman opens the gate and walks into the garden. He gets as far as the parrot's perch, when suddenly, it calls out: "REX, ATTACK!"

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LamontCranston6917 years ago787 reads

Re: Parrot joke IV

This guy is in a plane when he feels thirsty. So he calls for the stewardess and asks her politely for a Large Whiskey. There's a parrot in the seat next to him, who snaps, "A double Scotch and make it quick." "Yes, sir" the stewardess says, and quickly gets the bird his drink - but ignores the guy. The parrot downs his in one gulp, and says "gimme another." The stewardess gets him a second drink, ignoring the guy again. The guy, meanwhile has been asking for his drink very politely. He then decides to use the parrot's tactics and snarls at the stewardess, "You @#*$% hag, get me my bloody Scotch!" Suddenly a large co-pilot comes out of the cockpit and ejects both the guy and the parrot off the plane.

As they're falling, the parrot turns to the guy and says, "You know, you're quite brave for someone who can't fly..."

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gagauhlala17 years ago748 reads

Re: Parrot joke IV

Luv 'um all!!!

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IWant2DATY17 years ago1124 reads

Parrot Joke V :-) :-)

My buddy is having a beer with me and telling me he is SURE his wife is cheating on him but he cannot seem to catch her. I tell him, go to the pet store, by yourself a parrot, teach it how to speak and have it tell you everything when you get home at night. My buddy is out the door before I can take a breath. He enters the pet store and demands a parrot, but the pet store owner says "I only have one parrot and he has no legs". My buddy say "show me the parrot anyway". They go over to the cage with the parrot, who is hanging upside down from his perch by his pecker, and the parrot introduces himself and proves to be almost a genius. My buddy buys the parrot, takes him own and explains to the parrot exactly what he whats him to do. The parrot replies "No Problem, go have a beer, I got ya covered". My buddy has a beer, goes home later that night and talks with the parrot. The parrot is beside himself, he tells my buddy, "you would not believe it, no sooner had you left than your wife had her boyfriend come over, they took off each others shirts, ripped off each others pants, he took of her bra, she dropped his under and, and, it was just unbelievable". My buddy say "What happened next Parrot". The parrot responds " I dont know, I got a hard on and fell of the damn perch".

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kk02717 years ago2056 reads

OK, no more parrot jokes, but how about a Chinese joke?

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?"
"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"

"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.

He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No, Chinese Jews."

"Are you sure?" Al asked.

"I will check again, sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."

When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."

"Are you really sure?" Al asked again.
"I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."

"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated..."We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews."

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LamontCranston6917 years ago1456 reads

Re: OK, no more parrot jokes, but how about a Chinese joke?

A Chinese man arranged for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undressed, climbed into bed, and went at it. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and commenced a repeat performance.

The hooker was impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and started again!

The hooker was amazed at this sequence. During the fifth encounter, she decided to try it herself. When they were done she jumped up, went to the window and took a deep breath of fresh air, dove under the bed to find 4 other Chinese men.