Boston
You know you're getting older when...
"I just can't drink the way I used to", replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again".
06:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff".
A 'late night' now ends at 11 pm.
About half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief".
All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
All your favorite music is in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart.
An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating a basket of buffalo wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
Getting a little action means you don't need to take a laxative.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi and Ho-Ho's
Happy hour is a nap.
Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
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You might be a redneck if...
A full tank of gas doubles the value of your truck.
A woman says she's game, so you shoot her.
After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
All of the light switches in your house are wired to turn on the light on the front porch.
All of your favorite shirts came with a two-pack purchase of cigarettes.
All you want for Christmas is deer pee.
An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
Any of your children were conceived under a stop light.
Any of your hobbies require dogs and a lantern.
Any of your honeymoon plans involve a deer camp.
Anyone in your family has ever purchased peroxide in a gallon container.
Birds are attracted to your beard.
Both your house and car are on blocks.
Buck Naked Line Dancing isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
Chiggers are included on your list of top five hygiene concerns.
Directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
During the wedding ceremony the minister said, "Do you, DeWayne, take Connie to be your old lady?
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
Everything you won at the fair is hanging from your rearview mirror.
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