OK, so, I'm a long time hobbyist, but a total first timer to the MP scene (first time ever getting a professional massage, first time ever visiting a MP).

This board doesn't really cover MPs, but I eventually stumbled onto clreviews.com.

By comparison to TER - that board stinks. It's VERY hostile toward noobs - their motto is "you've got to give a little to get a little."

So, as a noob - I couldn't figure out how to give a little until I'd gotten enough advice to take the plunge, and that turned out to be VERY difficult.

So - for the benefit of those other noobs who are still waiting to take the first step into a MP, here's my experience....

I decided that my first try would be Mandala, since it's close to my office. I'd gotten specific advice on which masseuse I should try (pm me if you want the name).

I called the phone, and before I was ready, the woman asked "So, did someone refer you? How did you hear about us?"

Of course, I couldn't name a client (I only know people on this board by their handle), and I didn't want to mention this board. So, I just said, "I just googled for a local massage spa, and your name came up."

(Thank god, that is actually true - Mandala is the 3rd or 4th hit if you google "massage newton").

So, she then said, "OK - you're scheduled with [pm me if you want the name]". I then realized my mistake - given what I'd just said, I couldn't actually ask for someone specific. Oh well.

When I got there - I met my masseuse. She was probably late 40s-early 50s. Short, not thin, frumpy clothes, and plain glasses. She was probably attractive for her age, but not remotely approaching hot or sexy. As plain as could be.

She took me to her room, pointed me towards the bed, and said "Get ready. I'll be right back."

Of course, since I've never done this before - I don't know what "get ready" means. So, I awkwardly ask, "should I undress?". She says, unhelpfully, "yes."

I don't know if that means no clothes, just skivvies, or what? Am I supposed to know about a robe or something?

So, I strip naked, and hop on the bed face down, and wait for her.

After a few minutes, she comes in and asks, "Do you have any problem areas? What type of massage would you like? How much pressure?" Etc...

Of course - I don't know how to answer any of these questions. Are there specific code words? Hell if I know.

So I admit - "This is my first time." Blah, blah, blah. Some lame excuse about why, as a middle-aged man, I'm getting my first massage.

She takes it in stride. She proceeds to give me, in my TOTALLY NAIVE, UNTRAINED opinion, a very fine, very nice massage, for about 50 minutes.

We have a little friendly banter, but not much.

She seems very nice. At various times, she massaged by glutes, my inner thighs, etc. But never made even light contact with Jr. or the boys.

I comment on how great it feels, but because I'm nervous, I'm not very bold.

She asks me to turn over. At that point, I was still "relaxed", so there was no signal there.

She completes the massage - arms, thighs, feet, neck. But never contact where I was hoping.

Finally, she says, "Because this is your first time, you might not know that tipping is really appreciated. Like waitresses or hair stylists, tips are a big part of our compensation...."

I thought about getting bold - maybe I should have said, "are there extras available for extra tips?", but I chickened out. She never really signalled that extras were on the table.

So I wussed out, and said, "I'd be happy to tip. That was excellent." I assume she took that to mean that we were done, so she quickly beat an exit to the door.

That was that. I was out $80, plus the tip I ended up giving her ($50) hopefully to establish some credibility.

So - long story short - for your noobs - a HE is by no means guaranteed.

I'm sure I made every mistake in the book. Hopefully this submission will earn me a pointer or two.

And hopefully my tip will give me a little credibility next time. Although, since I hope to see another masseuse, I'll probably need to start over.

At least I'll be a little less nervous, since I'll at least know the routine.

Good luck to all, and many thanks in advance for any advice that comes my way.

-- Modified on 11/29/2011 8:02:50 AM