I was away for most of the weekend and missed the Bostonguy57 thread, but read it with great interest today.  One of the things that struck me about it was that, with the exception of a couple of alias', the thread consisted of posts from some well respected posters to this board who were about 2-1 for the criticism. I have a lot of respect for Dingaling and most of the other posters, so I, of course, have to take note of the general message and tenor of the thread even if I completely disagree with it.

I just passed my one year mark on TER, and I have loved every moment of it.  As I've said before, beyond the reviews and tools to find the best providers available, this site gives me a forum that has been missing for my previous 25 years of hobbying.  I can now read and share hobby experiences with like minded people who may differ with me in opinions, but who, for the most part, share my love of the hobby.

One of the first things I did when I joined TER last September and prior to making my first post in December was to take about two months to read as much of all of the TER boards as possible, particularly this one, going back as far as I could.  Jill's posts taught me more than I could imagine about the Boston Hobby specifically and hobbying in general.  

Likewise, Bostonguy57's cumulative posts provided a wealth of information and presented a perspective on the hobby that I greatly appreciated and still do to this day.  Other's were as well, hobbyists and providers alike, so I don't mean to minimize any of the group of core posters over the years, but I damned well appreciated having Bostonguy's posts to read.  One thing that became apparent was that if the thread is about strip clubs or ATF's, then Bostonguy57 is going to post, and it will be consistent with every other strip club and ATF post he has made before. As far as I know though, he has never flamed anyone, been malicious or mean to other posters, or otherwise violated the posting rules of this forum.

So I have to ask.  Where does the line get drawn?  On a board that has had members banned for creating havoc with their posts, falsifying information, attacking people, interfering with providers' business, and otherwise breaking the rules of posting, let alone common decency; how does a thread develop that has a 2-1 pile-on by respected posters regarding the very appropriate and valid posting of another member who, IMHO, is also very well respected?  (I think we all need to get laid.)

Is it the frequency of the posts?  As he suggested, ignore them - he doesn't use an alias.  Is it the tenor of the posts?  Too condescending or pedantic (BTW, great word Dingaling)? Well, again, either ignore them or comment on each post that needs it.  What I would hate to see is a communal stifling of expression by any poster through the creation of an unwelcome environment for someone who wants to post frequently.  

There is an adage that is proven time and again on these boards: the top posters will get grief.  Why?  I've been top poster at different times and I have received my share of grief.  I've heard from others who have had the same experience.  My bottom line question is why?  What makes people get tired of seeing the posts?  Why not just jump in yourself or, if you have a problem with specific posts, respond to that post with whatever you problem is?  I accept and anticipate the alias flamers who pop up every now and then, but what I can't understand is the regular members who begrudge another his or her right to post whenever and however he or she wants so long as the posts are within the rules.

OK.  I know that the flames will probably begin so I'll give brief answers now:  I'm white-knighting Bostonguy57 (he doesn't need it and I'm as hetero as can be); I post too much too (see above); why bring it up again? (it's not about BG per se, but more about the communal drawing of the line).  Go ahead, I have the thickest skin around (surrounding a steadily decreasing but still substantial amount of blubber) so I can take it.  Hopefully though, the issue itself will also be addressed.

Just to be clear, I celebrate Dingaling's right to make his post and my issue is not that anyone feels the way they do, but, rather, why do they feel that way.

I read the ones I want to and ignore the ones I don't care to read.  All the different personalities and points of view may also serve as showing you something maybe you yourself did not see in a person or a certain topic. It's all good really. It's a free country, After all it is America....

I do agree we all could use a bit more...mmmm...Sensual moments and then you may not care whos saying what on what board!

Go get laid.

Good to see you Dixie, wishing you well Love!

xoxox
Nicole

-- Modified on 10/6/2008 4:07:07 PM

When I began as an escort two years ago I learned everything I felt I needed to know from the archives and then current discussions on TER.

After becoming totally comfortable I saw TER as a platform of expression and offered my opinion at virtually every single turn.

What we don't realize (and what some vaguely realize but choose to ignore to the chagrin of other participants) is that the act of self-policing is virtuous.

Sometimes vocal posters get into a rut of "Well I am experienced, this is my opinion and if you don't like it you don't have to read it-but I'm here to offer it."

It's sort of like the song that never ends, isn't it?  It's loud, boorish, ridiculous and gratingly irritating for others.

The question shouldn't be "why do communal standards allow for pile-ons?'

The question should be 'why are a select few insistent on ignoring the consensus?'

When I've been reeled in for over-posting, posting aggressively or being condescending I've taken a step back and self-policed a little bit more (which is in part why I relegate the majority of my ideas to my own advertisements OR alias).
If you participate in a community and cultivate an image I believe that it comes with a little bit of responsibility.
Replying to every single inquiry with authority will draw the ire of others; the natural, polite response is to at least honor the opinion of those who feel aggrieved as apposed to reacting contrarily and continuing the behavior citing a natural right to do so.

I think that the 'top posters' who get the most grief are those who are so staunch in their opinions that they appear patronizing and as though they live to grandstand.

I disagree with the idea that we participate in boards purely for the satisfaction of ourselves - each time we hit the send key we are doing so with the realization that we are engaging and with the full expectation of being engaged and recognized for our thoughts.
With that being said - why not act with a little bit of courtesy and self-awareness?

If EVERYONE on a message board says 'dude, you're an asshole'...chances are...you're an asshole.

or more accurately, lets hope that no one personality can bully the others then who cares.  

remember we do glimpse in your posts what you may be like in bed or out to dinner, so if you come across as a jerk it will probably impact you and if you are nice, you will probably be given the benefit of the doubt when having a session and given more "leeway" ie we would be less suspicious of bad motives.  peace.

xxxoookate

Or should I say, I'd love to be with both of right now!

I all seriousness, I tend to avoid some of the really long threads, just because I don't have the time in my ter day to get too involved with them. However, I can see ding's points, in that, when someone has something to say about an inordinate amount of threads, it can get annoying at times. Girls and guys tend to do it, some people go through light and heavy stages, etc. Whatever the case, I read what I feel like reading and don't get too involved or hung up on things on this board. Lord knows I have enough going on in my life, that I don't need added stress here.

My advice to BG57 would be to take a breather, go get laid, and don't take things too seriously. Having the last word is not always a good thing.

As for Kate and Nicole, perhaps the three of us should discuss things in private.

And even if i disagreed with these delightful ladies I'd keep it to myself. LOL.

Actually, i have no problem with BG other than his general lack of humor.  Lighten up guy.  Life's too short, and if you're 57, then you and I are on the downside of the slide!!!  (The good news BG is everyone has a opinion of you which means you have some impact on this Board)

But, to me the bottom line is, as stated above, if you know someone annoys you with their posts then don't read them.

People should probably err on the side of posting when wondering where to draw the line.

On the other hand, I cut down on the amount of posting I used to do.  I got uneasy seeing my name on the top ten posters board all the time.

There is a saying that God gave us two ears and one mouth; it was a subtle hint.

I was disappointed in the way some posters on this  board have recently treated him.

This guy doesn't attack other posters or as you said isn't malicious towards anyone.  

In addition to this board he also makes very informative posts on the newbie board, general, and other boards too.

I hope he doesn't get discouraged and continues to post.

Aaahhh Ally. Once again you are the voice of reason, and in a most lucid way. I know at least I couldn't have put it any better.

DC,

When the late, great Paul Newman was asked what he would change in his acting style (Interview on Fresh Air with Terry Gross), Mr. Newman said simply, "Less is More".

Post less, say more.  BG57 has a right to post, of course.  Nobody could or should deny him that.  

My point was simply that dissipated posting by one or a few posters degrades the discussion.  Some people will still participate while others just stay away.  When one or a few people are predominant figures on a board, in a discussion, at a party, etc., other people don't participate.

Ding

For the three and six month period I am in the top ten.

At least for the past 30 days, I am not there.  I guess this means I am cutting back.  

LOL

Kidding .
I just had to interject "methinks".

That exchange was classic!

As a long time reader,and very rare poster, just let me say that the reason I read the board is to gather useful information in my pursuit of the hobby. In general I have found Bostonguy's posts informative, and appreciate his contributions. That being said, i know what its like to have a fequent poster get under your skin and the line  between "frequent contributor" and "obnoxious know-it-all" is going to be different for everyone. I think the bottom line is we all need to extend courtesy and tolerance to each other... and getting laid more often wouldn't hurt either

where you're coming from. Both your previous and this post were very well stated, and I think you have a valid issue, to a point. I also appreciated that they were presented as more advice than slam. I just happen to disagree with the core premise that the type of posting you are referring to dampens participation by non-posters.

Just looking at the ratio of reads to posts on this board demonsrates that the vast majority of members who use this board don't actively participate, but nothing indicates that the lack of participation is due to the excessive posting of a few. In fact, I think that a communal restrictor on frequent posters who don't flame, bully, or ridicule others will put a damper on participation.

Some may cheer this, but I have personally not posted before on some threads because I didn't want to cross that imaginary line that has magically been drawn.  Each time, it bothered me because, quite frankly, I don't agree with that line.

In keeping with my basic philosophy of to each his own (particularly in this hobby), I have absolutely no problem with people feeling the way they do about this and I know I'm not going to change anyone's opinion (I actually enjoy civilized disagreement); however, I do disagree with the seemingly prevailing attitude and, since this is a discussion forum, I felt the need to express my opinion.

Good luck

-- Modified on 10/7/2008 8:09:20 AM

Ally, I agree completely that we are part of a community and, as such, we should comport ourselves so as not to negatively impact the others; but I don't agree that being a top poster is a negative impact in and of itself. Personally, I would like to see more of you on this board, not less, because I've always liked your posts.

BTW, being a lawyer AND someone who likes to express his opinion, if the sheer number of people who have called me an asshole (and much worse) made me one, then, well, I'm in need of a hot female proctologist who provides on the side.

Returning to the Boston Board for a follow up visit and reading all the posts, I see the “you post too much crowd” greatly outnumbered the “let him post and just ignore his posts if you don’t like em” minority (my position).

        This surprised me since, at least in the view of Dixie Chicken, Boston Guy “never flamed anyone, …[was] malicious or mean to other posters, or otherwise violated the posting rules of this forum.”

          So at least with respect to posters interested enough to voice their opinions, the STFU crowd (advice kindly offered to me for my post below) represents the consensus view, even for an over- poster whose only real sin seems to be having an authoritative opinion on everything.

          Now let’s consider a perhaps unintended consequence of the thread. Three or four of the posters voiced concerns that maybe they too were posting too much, one lady expressed gratification for being “reeled in” for over posting, one poster acknowledged desiring to stay out of the top ten.


           So what did Dingaling’s intial post accomplish? Did it discourage BostonGuy from posting? Nope, not at all, at least not yet. Did it chill other posters from entering the realm of - gasp-  overposting? Seems to me you are headed that way.

         Self-policing is virtuous one lady said, and this may be so, although I would have said “wise” or “responsible” rather than virtuous.  But, in the arena of expression, it seems to me there is a better word for self-policing resulting from the dissatisfaction of the majority- and it begins with a C.





-- Modified on 10/7/2008 2:14:40 PM

I thought "Whatever Happened in Vegas Stayed in Vegas".  

Marikod, don't you happen in Vegas?

A very wise friend of mine always says it's best to ignore it when people trash you on the internet. I freely admit that she is right but I'm not nearly as smart as she is so here goes...

Dingaling2000.  You may have it in your head that you are saving the TER Boston message board from me by calling me out here but all you are really doing is getting pissed off at an anonymous guy on the other side of a computer screen who doesn’t happen to agree with everything that you say.  My advice to you (not that you want it) would be not to take me or my opinions so personally, or seriously. I’ve been around here a while and I’ve been pissed off by a lot of posts and a lot of posters but I have never felt the need to create a thread telling any of them to go away.  

I log on and read the posts.  I post opinions. I don’t flame anyone or make personal attacks.  Please note that disagreeing with someone, some of the time or even all of time, is not an attack on that person, it is a difference of opinion.  In over five years on this board I have never been moderated so I’m not violating any rules of the board.  My only crime here seems to be a refusal on my part to behave in the way that you say I should. Frankly, I can live with that.  If my writing style or my message bugs you then again I say simply don’t read my posts.  

A message board like this is a pretty simple place. Post or don’t post, it’s up to the individuals here when and how often they do so.  If anyone on the Boston board is not participating because of my presence here I would suggest that they have issues of their own to deal with  that go beyond what is said on an anonymous message board.  Suggesting that one poster drives others away may be just about the silliest thing I have ever read here. Only to be outdone by the references to post counts or who is in the top ten. Honestly what does this have to do with anything?

Two old sayings come to mind and I always heed them when posting or reading any message board.  Free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it and opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and they all stink.   Please note, I am not calling anyone an asshole here.

In five years on this board I’ve seen a few posts calling me names and telling me to go away…granted a few more than usual in the past few days.  I’ve also got 435 PM’s from other hobbyists, providers and agency owners thanking me for my posts, asking me for advice and asking for recommendations.   Lighten up folks, I’m not going anywhere.

This board is about the hobby. Trying to make it about a participant is just plain silly.
This will be my final post on the topic of BG57 so all of you anonymous flamers and folks feeling the need to have the last word can settle it amongst yourselves.

Oh, and by the way Dingaling2000.  I’ve been singing and getting paid for it, including a stint in a Beatle’s tribute band for about thirty years. I can sing the shit out of Hey Jude and the coda is my favorite part…I don’t do Karaoke either…

and we all go back to loving each other
    OM SHANTI OM(PURE LOVE & PEACE)

One is full of oneself. Voice of reason, not my voice.

But methinks that it is still cool...