Ok, here's a situation that just happened to me recently, and I'm curious to know from Providers if they felt I handeled things correctly.

I went down to Florida for a few days, and posted on the Florida board looking for someone for xmas eve, and used an alais "Heading South" rather then my regular, so anyone reading would know right away I was someone from out of state.

After no response, I started looking and saw a provider who got great reviews, and seemed to be rather popular (I'm not naming her). So, I called and made an appointment, she was very strict about verifying and wanted refrences, all I have is GE-Nicole who's site was down, and I didn't have a # for and BDJ who she said she refused to call. She said to bring with me, a photo ID and some proof of my company (self employed) a pay stub or some financial document, not a business card.

Now, I do own my company, I am incorporated, my business number is listed under the company name and my website if reigistered to my company name.

So, she said she would call me around 11:15am to confirm a 12noon apointment.

The day comes, she calls my cell (she had my busines # and cell #) around 9am, says see me at 12noon.

Calls me at 11:55am, "All the parking lots are full, and there is only 15min street/meter parking, meet me in the loby and bring all the info I asked for and I'll drive you to my place and bring you back".

I confirmed she didn't mind doing that and she said no, just bring the verification info to the loby.

I should also add, when she made the appointment, she expressed a little concern that she doesn't normally go to hotels and I shouldn't use one, because they have been busting customers and providers, and I should look for cameras when I get there. She also added that most the hotels in that area were old and don't have hotels but "Look for black circles in the ceiling".

So, I throw on my shoes, wait for the elevator and 2mins I'm down in the lobby... No one there... (well, at least not here) I wait inside and outside... 5mins go by and my cell rings (While I'm standing outside the lobby).

it's her "I'm leaving"
me "I'm here, been here for 5mins"
her "Well, I already left, this is just a curtosey call"
"I haven't been comfortable with this whole thing, you have no refrences, you can't verify your business, the parking situation and your at a shady hotel, and it has cameras".

me "I have the paperwork on my business you wanted"
her "Your not listed with the BBB"

Ok, let's go down the list.
Refrences : GE-Nicole, site was down, BDJ she wouldn't call.
Business : I had an insurance bill showing company name/address, my drivers license w/ my info and address that matches and my business credit card, showing company name and my name. My business phone is listed, my website is registered to my business.
Parking - I walked and looked at the closest lot which is right behined the hotel, wasn't full. No sign, asked attendent if they still had spaces for non-guests and they did.
Shady Hotel - A Holiday Inn, on a mainstrip accross from the beach, there were high school soccer teams, and weddings and business meetings also in the hotel, the only cameras were at the front desk, no pointed on the entrance/exit.

She also added that a moderator said my account was just created and had only 1 post. Now, maybe I assume wrong, but when I click on name to make a post it shows 2 alais, now there linked to the same account, 1 was just created and only have one post, the other (this one) has been around. So, if there linked to the same login, wouldn't a mod see this?

Anyway, She stated how "I don't need this, and I'm discreet and having someone in my car isn't".

Now, I agree validation is important, but it sounds to me like she just didn't want to do this and in which case should/could have just told me this.

I endedup calling a local service and after a 3hour wait, got someone who wasn't bad, but not a complete GFE.

Anyway, I just wanted to vent a little. Again, I'm not giving this providers name, because if she truely didn't feel safe, then she should have left, I just didn't get the feeling that was the reason.

Reid I do something wrong?

I think perhaps your ability to deal with her was hampered by your particular temprmant, whetever that is, and maybe a slight inability to "read" someone over the phone.  Some women base their judgements on the simple verbal and logical interaction, but many base their judgments on their feeling of things - which could be your tone of voice, manner, and even how eager you come across regarding silly loops she has you jump through.

You probably could have solved this easily.  By solve I mean either not having your time wasted or actually made the meeting work out.  First, by her tone of seeking more particular references, should have alerted you that she was more concerned about her safety and verifying you than you might be typically accustomed.  Second, rather than offering up what YOU believed was adequate, would have been as simple as describing your situation (I'm self-employed, etc.) and asking HER what she felt was the best means to verify you.  She'll either offer up some ideas she's comfortable with for sure, or she'll tell you she's not interested.  Because, even if you've done a reasonable job to verify yourself, if she doesn't feel a good vibe from you (not LE, not weird, safe) she still won't meet with you.

Reid I do something wrong?

-- Modified on 9/28/2007 1:05:42 PM

I believe its a Ms. Demeanor up here but my guess is that something else must have set off her radar detector recently (not you). Besides, I thought seeking companionship is perfectly legal (life, liberty, and the pursuit of uh, "happiness") unless she was contemplating doing something deliciously illegal with you Maybe Aunt Ellie has been up to her old tricks and is watching her (court continuance, probation, etc) and anybody new to her is going to be put thru the wringer? Keep the faith; last time I had to make an effort to give a reference it was totally worth it and I hope she gets over the flu soon!

Reid I do something wrong?

I agree! I've had locals ask for work #, SS#, Home phone#, even mothers maiden name!  What's up with that?

You gave her nothing to make her comfortable about a meeting.
Don't even try to make her out to be "the bad guy."
You consistently sent her "red flags".
I'm surprised she even called you!

Reid I do something wrong?

I can't read your "description"..it gives me a headache.  No wonder you freaked her out. Business must have been slow for her to stick around as long as she did.  But what's the problem??...you eventually (somehow) got what you were looking for..I guess

now,now....safety is more important then money and as we see from this post this lady thinks on the same line as I, and Ive had this same thing happen a few times to me..where I just didnt feel right about an appt and backed out even though the guy took a room...whats a girl to do?..sometimes a guy without knowing will say something to spook me like...lets meet in the parking lot and Ill take you to my room from there...that says to me...let me hit you over the head in the dark parking lot and throw you in my trunk..how easy is that?  Now, whats this about blackmail? does that really happen?? what girl has the time and energy for that considering the tons of money you claim shes already making...hhhmmm very silly comment considering the guys that I have seen always provide proper ID and references....without a fight kisses Lisa

You came across shady without trying.  Why would you create an alias when you don't already have a strong reference base? That was the first and biggest mistake.

Next time you're traveling you may want to spend a couple of weeks getting to know the board and it's members (male and female) so you can feel more welcome when you arrive.

I'm not sure about the parking lot or cameras, but I usually make sure neither is a problem when I travel.

happy hobbying -

-- Modified on 12/29/2003 7:19:09 AM

Wow, those are some very lucky ladies that get to visit with you and your outlook ......"They are the ones making ridiculous amounts of money so let them take the risks and if they feel it's too dangerous then of course they have the right for refusal."  

My dear....that is exactly what she or anyone in their right mind would do "Refused to see him".....No proper verification info. = No nookie! NO amount of money is acceptable over someones safety .

I've been here a few years and I've yet to see a well known or local girl abuse anyones info. on this board......it's not in the girls best interest to abuse or keep anyones info.. If the girl has half a brain she will always verify.

Happy Holidays! ~Chrissy~

-- Modified on 12/29/2003 7:52:01 AM

Reid I do something wrong?

Greenbear, I think you weren't sufficiently aware that LE has been very active in Florida in the past 18 months, and the providers there are understandably paranoid, especially about new and unknown clients.  I think this was a mutual "failure to communicate," so we shouldn't criticize either party.  For myself, I'll never practice this hobby in Florida; it's just not worth the risk.  Wait until some of those fine Florida girls visit the Boston area.  This incident provides more reason for my decision to practice this hobby almost exclusively in Canada, the UK, and Europe.  Not worth the risks and inconsistent service here in the US of A.  When in Boston, I stick to my regulars.  When in other US cities, I usually just turn on the porn movies in the hotel room and play with MUNCHER Jr.

up to this one, I've aprecaited everyones feedback...

I'm just lost how I gave her "nothing to make her comfortable about meeting"?

Everything was easy to be verified.

I mean, would someone really go through all the trouble to, set up a fake business, register a domain, get a phone number in the business name, give a cell phone and the business number, provide multiple documents as requested, etc.. etc..

I fail to see what I did wrong here.

As for refrences, sorry, I don't have GE-N phone #, not sure if she's even still in the business, and she refused to call BDJ.

Was there possible a failure to comunicate, such as, she should have said from the begining, and maybe I could have faxed documents or something.

I honestly got the feeling she just didn't want to pay for parking.

Anyway, that's for the opinions.

Reid I do something wrong?

Well, if you didn't read the post, then I probably shouldn't waste time responding, but incase you do decide to read it.

ok, why would she be freaked out?

This is what I'm missing...

everything was verfiable, rather easily...

My company isn't registered with the BBB? A lot aren't, and honestly I never would register with the BBB, there an Ad firm and nothing more. (that's a different story).

If anything, I think when she wanted me to come down and meet her in the loby so she could give me a ride to her place, I'm the one who should have freaked out.

Anyway, it's not a "problem"... I was just curious to get feedback, what verification is "too much" and did other providers think the information given was sufficent, if so, what was missing?

Thanks for the feedback, those both make sense.

I think you missed some of the point of myself and others.

Understandably, yes, the references you said you provided to her may have been easily verifiable as you claim, based on your perspective.  But, there are a couple things you may not be considering -- your demeanor over the phone and not considering what issues she may have be dealing with for herself at that time.  You may think your demeanor was/is fine, but it may have given her a questionable vibe, for whatever reason.  Maybe you suck on the phone, who knows.  As far as her personal issues, she might just be an ultraparanoid type or maybe you said something to her that threw up a red flag of something negative she experienced in the past.

Many of these ladies run a "loose" business and they're not exactly going to spend an hour coordinating the receival of faxes from you, or calling long-distance to verify your references, or otherwise spending a lot of time and money with someone new.

My guess is you take things too literally and (sometimes) can't read subtext from women.  Sorry I don't mean to insult, I'm just being realistic.  When a woman gets flustered or frustrated and says "nothing to make her comfortable about meeting" don't take it verbatim and think she's actually claiming that as she says it - what she's more likely saying is something raised a red flag for her and she's too uncomfortable telling you what that was.  So, rather than assuaging her concerns by adjusting your demeanor and trying to find out from her perspective what might be troubling her, you just tried piling on more references all of which were too cumbersome for her to think through while possibly getting emotional (flustered or frustrated) over the unspoken red flag or your demeanor.

This is a business made up almost entirely of people interaction.  It's not accounting, auto repair, or technology consulting.  You're dealing with people and people aren't entirely logical or predictable.

good point...

I guess what confused me, is it wasn't until 5mins before when she claimed she couldn't find parking that she brought up all the other stuff...

"You weren't in the BBB"
"A mod said your account had only been on for a few days"
"Your in a shady hotel".

I guess I would have rathered her just said "I don't want to pay for parking" if that's what it really was, just seemed real strange...

oh well, guess it is a "strange" hobby.

The guy obviously was getting the run around,and their have been plenty of cases of abuse of personal information, I really think giving out work numbers is rediculous but on the other hand if a women choice is not to make the appointment because of that than I could not care less about pursuing it any more. I have seen all the bad attitudes from providers than I ever need and believe me I would never pay to see some one like you,have a great new year yourself.

I think first and last name and a photo id is enough info. to give to someone and references are allright too but giving out employment info is too risky. some things are not worth the risk silly

Awwwwwww, you hurt my feelings PAD!*pout* I should be sad that a guy with your outlook "Let Them take the risks" is not interested in seeing me.......NOT!  

Sorry but anyone who has met me knows one thing for sure......I'm far from having a bad attitude . Just frustrated that men like you seem to think we should take all the risks. I certainly always appreciate the gentlemen I see who take into account my comfort and safety. And grateful I don't have to waste my time with others who could care less.

As far as the gentlemen above......I really don't know ALL the circumstances. There are always three sides to a story.

Yes, Happy Happy New Year! Chrissy