Okay. So to be fair, I know that holidays with the family makes it extremely difficult to keep plans or even keep in touch. That being said...

I had planned to see (hobbyist) for at least 2-4weeks before arriving here in Boston. Emailing was very frequent and easy to keep in touch with this person. Even when I had arrived, contact was constant and easy to keep in touch.  

Day of the set appointment (today) I had reached out 3 hours before said appt to confirm that we were still on. When I hadn't heard from them, I followed up with a second email to make sure incase they hadn't received the first email urging them to contact me at least 1 hour before said appt to CONFIRM we were still good to go. NOTHING. So I decided to take on someone who had been patiently waiting to hear if I was available.

45mins before our appt, this person reaches out to apologize for the delay in response and asked if I had made other plans. When I replied stating that I had in fact made other plans, but would be able to keep said appt and to meet me at my hotel for our schedule date. I stated that I was unable to reply until they had arrived.

After my guest had left, I checked my email to see that (hobbyist) was in fact waiting for my response to confirm the original set date. Confused, I wrote to him stating that I was available and would wait for his arrival. In response, he wrote that he rarely hobbys and was offended that I had booked another appt and would like to "pass" due to neglect and for the simple fact that they felt insulted that I had made other plans before and with possibly of having plans after did no want to feel rushed. Understandable.

Am I in the wrong here? Should I have waiting until EXACTLY 7:30pm to hear back from them, before confirming a date? Keep in mind, I had a VERY limited amount of time here in Boston with an extreme demand for appointments. Help me understand so to prevent this from occurring in the future!

xoxo,

M


-- Modified on 4/5/2015 10:33:03 PM

Having been at the opposite end of a similar situation, here's my perspective. I'm not sure when you confirmed last with him before the most recent 3 hours before email. Did you already confirm the day before? A couple days before? A week before?

If there was already a confirmation a couple days before, then imo asking for another confirmation 3 hours before is excessive. This is because as hobbyists, we don't always check our hobby email every hour. I had a situation before where I had a 10am appointment once and I thought it was already confirmed two days before. The night before, the provider emails me asking for confirmation at 11pm after I had already gone to sleep. She then emails me again at 5am (while I'm still asleep). I woke up at 8am and replied to confirm. I was in my car already when she responds saying that she already booked somebody else because I didn't respond to her 11pm and 5am emails in a timely manner.

My point being I think it is unreasonable to expect a hobbyist to answer an email within a 2-3 hour time block because we don't check our hobby emails the way we check our regular emails. If you want to confirm, you need to do it the day before, giving us ideally 24 hours at least to respond. I don't know whether you had done that here or not.

any appt.'s I book that are a few weeks out or even ones for the following day, I am always asked to confirm the day of the appt in the morning. I find that to be reasonable.    it is up to the provider to be looking at their computer for confirmations from us if they asked for a morning of confirm.  If I confirm in the morning of , then i fully expect to have the appt.; no questions asked.

i had a provider blow me off once, booking with a regular....I politely said i understood b/c i did not want to make a thing out of it, but i was pissed and i never tried to book with her again.   if you blow off new guys you never know if you would have had a new "regular"

good luck

Personally, I think it works best to have a 'system', and to make it clear on your web site and maybe in the first back and forth what the system is, and then stick to it.  i.e. "Appointments must be confirmed by 11:00a on the morning of the appointment", or whatever.  Then, everyone knows what they need to do.

I can't tell for sure exactly what your timing was, so it is hard to say (as others have said), but as also said many clients don't check their hobby emails as religiously as their regular emails (it isn't like it tends to pop up on the phone (ha), at least for many of us).  But, if someone tells me in advance that they confirm in the AM, or whatever, then I know I need to do that.

For what it is worth, some folks like to maintain the GFE fantasy and discussing other clients is a turn off (yes, this is not particularly rational).  Others enjoy discussing the ins and outs of this pastime.  YMMV.

Hope you have a good time for the rest of your trip!

- Randy

It is not clear if you made it clear to him that he had to confirm a few hours prior to the appointment, so I can't say for sure who is right and who is wrong here, but in any case, clearer communication seems to have been in order.

In most cases, I confirm about 24 hours ahead of an appointment, and then a few hour ahead of time via phone when I'm on my way.

I don't think you were wrong at all.  
If you had prior emails for an extended amount of time, then the hobbyist should have kept his word and followed up with you as you did to him.  
And in your defense, you at least reached out a couple of days before the appointment as well as reaching out on the day of. That is pretty rare in this hobby. From my experience, I always appreciate the ones that follow up with me a few days before the appointment and the day of. It also shows professionalism. If the person doesn't return an email  on the first follow up, I would be concern that they might flake out.  

That's my input.

Please understand this is meant to be helpful and not critical in the least.

In my opinion 3 hours is too close to the appointment time for a final confirmation.  I think a final confirmation the evening before is best so that both parties can rest easy overnight knowing that everything is all set.  I prefer to know the incall location (hotel name or apartment address) the day before as well so I can plan my day and take into account traffic considerations or other details.  I want to arrive at the location as relaxed as possible, not all stressed out from having to figure everything out at the last minute and potentially being caught in traffic, etc.  

The above being said, it is up to both parties to communicate in order to avoid problems.  If I haven't heard from a provider by the time I'm ready to go to bed the day before, I email them asking them to confirm and send me their location ASAP so at least I have it first thing in the morning.  I don't wait for them to contact me when they get around to it, sometimes they forget.  If I haven't heard from them by the time I first check my email in the morning that's a red flag that there might be a problem.

In this case it sounds like the fact that the client is an infrequent hobbyist probably contributed to the misunderstanding.

Hope this helps and thanks for coming to Boston.  Come back soon!

With my experience, I ALWAYS send a confirmation email with any appt passed 12 noon to confirm we are set for that said appt. No matter how many times we have emailed prior....things happen last min and plans change abruptly all the time.

For instants...last week in Vegas I had an appt set and confirmed for a late night date in which we had confirmed the night prior. I sent a conformation email 4 hours prior and again 2 and 1 hour prior to make sure. I didn't hear from the person until the following day to let me know he had an emergency trip to the vet for his puppy that hurt himself. Being a dog owner myself, no harsh feelings were taken but of course I was ticked off the night of the appt.

That being said, I am a Gemini and communication is absolutely pertinent to ensure a seamless visit.

Just my opinion.

Without the specifics completely laid out, it's hard to say exactly where the fault lies. BUT that's not a necessary distinction to make. These things can be avoided by clearly laying out your expectations regarding confirmation. In my correspondence I generally end with encouraging a bit more conversation if they'd like, but otherwise we'll be in touch roughly 1 week before, then 24 hours before and then I will give location info no more than 4-6 hours before depending on time of appointment and I need responses at all of those benchmarks. I haven't had any issue since using that formula.

It sucks when your time is tight and you are trying to do right by everyone! Good luck!

Of necessity I make arrangements starting weeks in advance due to travel, pretty much like you described. While I agree with the remarks here that I hope  the lady will clue me in to her expectations and routine, I also try to make my calls and confirmations clear ahead on time. Most of us work within schedule restrictions on both sides of the hobby, and knowing the most comfortable call arrangement helps both. I have had the array of experiences too, from making arrangements way ahead only to have to cancel five days ahead because my child was hospitalized and being bitched out for it to staying in touch all the way to the lobby only to be told I was two hours early! I guess it comes down to the fact that stuff happens, and when it's a new client or a lady who is new to us, everybody needs to cut everyone else a little slack.

In my opinion, the first time meeting a provider, I like to make sure that everything is confirmed, but usually the day before.  For the providers I've seen before and I'm friendly with, the confirmation is not necessarily needed, but with some, there are flirty emails all the way up to the meeting.

A few personal stories on the subject:

My first experience almost didn't happen because I was at a place that did not allow cell phones and the provider called and emailed me to confirm a few hours before our appointment.  Luckilly, I was able to respond before she cancelled the appointment.  This appointment had been set up for a few weeks, but no confirmation was done up until a few hours before. Being brand new to the hobby, I would have made sure I could have accessed my phone or confirmed the appt myself earlier in the day.

The second happened last year.  I had made an appointment for about a month in advance for a well reviewed provider and I was hosting (putting up the money for the hotel).  I confirmed about a week before and was told everything was okay.  The day of the appointment, when she didn't show, I called, emailed, texted, contacted through various verification sites and got no response.  So, I was out the money for the hotel because we didn't confirm the day before.  Turns out she went on a personal vacation and totally forgot about our appointment since we had made it so far in advance.  She told me that she would discount a future appointment for half of the hotel cost, so we'll see.

Lastly, there was a visiting provider who told me that she'd be able to see me and asked what day and time I'd like to meet.  I told her when I'd like to meet, which was about a week away, and asked her if that worked for her.  I never received a response from her, so I just assumed that there was no meeting.  The morning of the date that I requested, she emailed me confirming our appointment for later that afternoon.  I told her that since I hadn't received a confirmation from her, that I didn't think we had an appointment and that I was spending time with my family in another state.  She cussed me out saying that guys are so stupid and impatient if we don't hear back from the providers right away.  She had a week to tell me that the time I requested was okay.  I didn't need a huge response, just saying, yes, that's good for me, see you then.

So, all in all, I think a confirmation the day before is sufficient for both parties.  I know last minute things come up, but that's why they're last minute.  That could happen with a 24 hour confirmation or a 3 hour confirmation.

If you want to ensure that the date and time we set is good to go, it would be in both parties best interest to stay in touch the day of said appt. End of story.

As others have already stated, I do not check my hobby email as frequently as my other emails. I like to set my dates up about a month in advance. About one week prior to the date, I will email the provider to confirm that all is well with the date and time. This provides both parties to fine tune their schedules. A day before the date, we both agree to make contact to solidify the date and time as well as general instructions and location. If the date is on a Monday, I will send an email on Friday morning as both parties may not be able to respond promptly on the weekend. On the day of the date, I generally prefer to communicate by text with my hobby phone. It's fast and any changes can be addressed promptly. If the provider only likes to use email, the I will check my hobby email more frequently. While this is more time consuming, I respect the provider's  preference. As long as your procedure is made clear in advance of the date, there should be no problem. In general, I prefer that the provider keep in contact on the day of the date, either by text or email (as long as the method is stated in advance). I like it when the logistics and procedures are smooth, orderly and respectful of both parties time. BTW, I had you on my radar back in LA and regret missing you while you were in CA. [email protected]

Most Cancellations come the day of, so yes the day of the appointment there should be a confirmation especially when you are booking so far in advance. Life happens and people forget, we have bills to pay and most of us can't afford to gamble on hobbyists.  

I don't think you were in the wrong at all

Agreed! That sucks. Perhaps he wasn't more communicative if seeing providers really is rare for him :/