A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
the happiest woman in the world"

The woman says, "I'll miss you."



"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.



He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart.


He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I
gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror.


Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor


One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
sweatshirt.  Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"  He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."