Vincent,
I sympathize with your dilemma. A lot of people here have various opinions because they don't really know your situation. I think all of the advice here are valid. The question is where do you fit in along this spectrum?
I'm just curious as to how long you have been seeing this lady before you decided you are in love? And how soon you professed your love to her? I'm sure the gents here might change their opinion given more info.
This Reminds me of the story about a man - he is a great provider for his family, very faithful to his wife and goes to church religiously, and a good father to his children. What do you think about this man now? Well, what if I told you, he's an alcoholic and beats his wife? You posed a question, but really didn't give enough information for any one to give sound advice, and what you get in return is worthless to you.
As to your comment about "giving her a world that cannot be equalled by many", I think it offended some people because you could have very well said "give her a very nice comfortable life". But I don't think you were trying to boast, I think you were just stating a fact. You could be much more wealthy than anyone here for all I know, but it just had somewhat of an arogant under tone. Wealth is relative, so it's hard for people to judge what you meant by that phrase.
If your nicest toy is a Ferrari, then people can see what you mean. If it's a hummer, yeah it's nice but many here can do that too.
Just my .02, best of luck.
We as men look for the woman of our dreams. We are very lucky if we find her at anytime in our life time. I feel we are also extremely lucky if we fall in love becuase she is the one we want for ever. I fell in love with a provider, I am head over heals in love with her. She cares for me but not the same way I care for her. I know this has happend to many men. I cant be the only one out here. This woman wants to take it slow, I am middle age and can offer her the world. should I take it slow as she has asked me or do I lay my entire hand on the table and show her a life that will not be equaled by many? Give me your ideas both men and woman. I know this will touch many hearts. We are all human.
Forget about it! Move on.
Well, I read this and was going to stay away from this topic, but the romantic in me says to say something. You fell in love with a woman. If she were a secretary, would you say you fell in love with a secretary? I kinda doubt it, it would be more like you fell in love with this woman you met, wherever you may have met her. So, even if she does care about you the same way you care about her, you gotta get past how you met. Thats a big hurdle. Maybe thats why she is reluctant. You both need to get over how you met, it doesn't matter, all it can do if you don't get past it is screw things up. I know, I've been there, done that and carry the scars to prove it.
Next, listen to her, go slow, give her some time and some room. She has probably been there herself before, and most likely been hurt by a well intentioned gentlemen that couldn't pull the trigger on a divorce or a single guy that couldn't get past his hang ups about her profession. And, while your going slow and giving her time and room, give yourself some time and room to make sure it's the four letter love word and not the four letter lust word ruling you.
And, you may be able to offer her the world, you may be able to buy her the biggest diamond or the biggest mansion or a yacht or take her to places she has never been. But I wouldn't use that as a way to entice her. If you try to buy her love, what have you really gotten? I think you will eventually wonder if in fact she really loves you or wants the material things you can give her and she will eventually learn to resent that maybe you think you bought her love and in her own way wonder if you really love her or were looking for a trophy.
Far be it from me to give advice, I've managed to screw up about every relationship I have ever had. But I can tell you this, if you really know you love her, really and truely know that you would do anything for her if she asked, then all you can do is treat her with respect, show her that you love her with what you do with her, not what you buy for her, be there when she needs you even if it's just so she can bitch about her day to you, listen to her and try to understand what she is saying and don't assume you need to fix everything she complains about, sometimes she doesn't want it fixed, sometimes she just wants to get it off her chest lol
Assume nothing, expect less and enjoy each and every moment you can with her, who knows, if you do win her heart maybe that will turn into a life time of moments.
I don't know if that helps, but I know there is no easy answer and no perfect advice. Falling in love with a woman can be the most rewarding and at the same time, most painful thing in the world. A woman that you love can make your day with a smile, or bring you hell on earth with a frown. lol, they own us
-- Modified on 7/20/2003 6:28:03 PM
Magnum, thanks for your views, I can used them here. I didnt mean I would try to buy her, that would not last, I meant that I know for a fact that I am like no other man she has ever had. She has a deep friendship type of love for me. I have been around and I firmly believe this love is really love and not lust.I respect this girl to no end. I know she knows this, because she can feel it. I look forward to others imput. Magnum I thank you for your imput. I agree the way to go is slow, let her learn to trust in me and the rest may follow. The last thing I want to do is push her away from me with pressure.
Touche' and quite well put Magnum........things must take their natural course...........but, as crazy as it sometime may seem, you just never know when, where and under what circumstances things may finally click........
Certainly interested in what the ladies have to offer here...**smile**
Good luck with it either way........AA1Vincent..........
well said Magnum.
My .02 bytes worth:
Respect her wishes and give her the time and space to decide what she really wants. As well, be prepared to handle her decision gracefully and like a gentleman. Don't try to change her or what she does for a living. Accept her for who she is, her inner and outer beauty and, at a minimum, be thankful for a friendship that could last forever.
My best wishes to you and good luck.
listen to her! if she wants to take it slow, by all means don't press and do not tell her you can offer the world to her. I think that will only offend her. Some girls are in this because they want to be independent and NOT BE OWN BY ANY MEN. i am not saying you want to buy her but showing her respect and give her the space and time will likely win her over more than throwing your wealth around like you can be her savior. Well, if she falls for your wealth, then you know where this will headed eventually right?
I agree with everything Magnum said, very well done Magnum.
He is so right about everything. If you truly love her, then do as she asks, give her time and space. Take it slow and develop the relationship that will last the tests of time. Playing all your cards at once is a big risk, and far too often, we lose when when doing so. Then you're left with no more cards, the dealer has left the table, and you're alone because you never let her take the time to collect her cards and play them as she sees fit. From what I know, most women don't fall in love as easily or as quickly as men.
And please don't try to buy her love or lavish her with expensive gifts and material possesions. Doing that leads no where my friend, and trust me, someone else can come along with a bigger bank roll and show her even more any day of the week. So don't take that road. Would you do so with any other woman? Probably not. And really, isn't spending the rest of your life with someone about so much more than what you can buy? I always thought it was more about what the two of you share inside your hearts, minds and souls that matters most. Any material thing can be taken away, destroyed, lost, etc. Love everlasting, is just that. Long lasting love takes time to grow and be nurtured.
In any case be thankful that she does care for you and wants to give it a try. I've been in more unrequited affairs than I care to mention, about all I've had to be honest. So having someone at least willing to give it the old college try is a blessing in itself I'd say.
Relax, take it slow, let it grow and progress. If it's meant to be and is the right thing to do this month, it'll be meant to be and the right thing to do a year from now as well.
I wish you both all the best in this.
Jimbomania
Magnum,
I too totally agree with what you said and think it was very well put.
From a provider point of view it isn't easy to meet men in this business and wonder if they really care about you for who you are. Some think this is a glamourous business and others think that we are less of a person for doing what we do. I have had many guys contact me wanting to just date me without having even met me in person. Apparently, they feel if I had a boyfriend/husband I wouldn't be doing what I am doing.
We all have our reasons for the path we choose in life. I think both providers and hobbyist have to be appreciated as individuals for who they are and not what they do.
Vincent, if you truly love that woman give her time. I'm sure she has a lot of decisions to make. Putting added pressure on her will only drive her away.
Some women may want to be lavished with gifts but that shouldn't be the basis of your relationship. Personally, I would rather have someone lavish me with his love and support. Then, I would die a happy woman.
Best of luck hun!
Hugs,
Rose 
-- Modified on 7/21/2003 12:31:26 AM
Thanks Lady Rose,
I really wanted the imput of a provider, you are on the other side and your views are very very important here. I am taking it slow and easy. Our understanding of each other is of utmost
importance. Lady if you have any other thoughts later on please let me know. thanks all again. AA1Vincent
Try seeing her outside of the bedroom on her days off. She won't be thinking that it's all about getting a freebie. If she wants to consumate the act with you, she will let you know. But, don't ever pressure her. Remember, she already has a job doing this very thing with men who are her clients. The last thing she needs is a former client who is pretending love her, but only for one thing: free pu@@y.
You're deluding yourself...and putting her in an uncomfortable, almost untenable position. What do you expect her to say..the truth, and hurt your feelings?!?!
The time you spend with her, for you..may be bliss that passes all too quickly..but for her it's an endless 60 min of plowings and churnings. Her mind is a million miles away...believe me!! She's obviously very good..as you bought the act. But you're supposed to sophisticated enough to understand what's really happening here and not turn her skills back on her...apparently you're not.
Your desire to show her a "life that will not be equalled by many"..and 'give her the world' is pathetic. If she's as good as I suspect she is..she's extremely intelligent, and already has the life and world she wants. She may actually make more money than you do!! She may actually even like you,as a person / client (although I suspect that she's rapidly re-evaluating this right now). Accept (and enjoy) the relationship for what it really is and should be, grow up, knock it off, and give this poor girl a break.
hear, hear, thanks for the dose of reason! Better to buy a 'vette if you are going to have a midlife crisis.
Well said jjm. Vincent, this girl has probably banged thousands of guys in the course of her career and does it with different guys every day. Take a step back dude and come back to reality. Do you think that you're that special? that you have the magic stick or something LOL. Do you really think that you could live with that thought? The thought of what her past was even if she stopped being a provider today? I'm sure that most of us have made mistakes in choosing the right kind of woman at one point in our lives and I for one know that I have and have paid the price for it too. But to knowingly do something like that is setting yourself up for disaster. Remember one thing. The hobby is exactly what the word says, a hobby. We participate in the hobby for all kinds of different reasons but when we leave where ever it is that the hobby takes place, then it's time to go back to reality. Don't confuse fantasy with reality. Don't confuse fuck with love. By the way, this girl must be an awesome provider. You should tell us who she is, she'll probably have a banner year! LOL
The problem with you guys is you have no soul. You jump from one provider to another and think it is all about having an orgasm or proving that you are a man by giving her one. You just think of them as whores and that's it!) We're all human here and s*@t happpens. Don't misunderstand me,I really do think the "L" thing is something to avoid. But I think it is YOU who need to grow up and realize this does happen more than you think!
My sentiments exactly!
Have fun, MG
MG, I'm surprised at you! How will you feel if AA1Vincent ends up stalking this woman? Who knows what could happen? That fact that you cloak the pursuit of your lusts and passions in an aura of romanticism is probably an indication of your civility and decency as a person, but if you do not see the signs of obsession in his original post, you are closing your eyes to it. That's not like you! You have a reputation as a thoughtful and reasonable member of the community.
Thanks Smitty, It is good to see there are other sensitive men out there, that really have positive thoughts.
Smitty, my friend... I have always respected your opinions and I respect you even more now. Well said old friend, well said. Few of us have known the true joy you can have with a woman. That joy exceeds the bedroom, goes beyond the physical pleaure. It's in the touch of her hand, the taste of her lips, the look on her face when you say something totally stupid lol Doesn't matter where or how you meet....... All that matters is how you both feel when your together.
Magnum,
I think you mean "chemistry".
Love is a lifelong chemical reaction that ensues until death.
Hi, I think chemistry is the right word.... Thanks
Pretty woman was a good movie too but it's fantasy fellas, Hello?
I beg to differ! "Leaving Las Vegas" may have been a "great love story" but it was the love story of two very sick and self destructive people. The film's poignancy derives from the fact that the audience is allowed to relate through character development to these catastrophically self destructive human beings. The fact that the director is able to do that is what makes it art. The major theme of the movie was not love, but self destruction. It is debatable whether either of the two main characters were capable of understanding and experiencing love, whatever that might be. Love is subjective and difficult to define, but I think it has more to do with two people working over many years to find a civilized way of relating to each other and sacrificing their individual needs and wants to create an environment where their children can grow up as good human beings long after the light of passion has gone out between them.
I saw the film a long time ago and this above debate reminded me of it. Yes, I agree that the characters were self destructive, and therefore, ill, but not that they were incapable of understanding love. As you say, love is complex and some people sadly don't understand it until much too late in their lives. Perhaps the characters in "Leaving LV" were afraid of, or incapable of, love, as you define it, and perhaps their self destruction was related to that fear?
People as sick and self destructive as these two characters are not drawn to each other out of healthy interests, but out of need. They use liaisons, encounters and relationships to "plug holes" in their psyches. Such people look for completion in the other. If you were to carefully examine the posts by AA1Vincent, you would see clear signs that that is just what he is seeking to do with his reluctant love object, the unnamed escort. Also, if you re-read my post you will see that I said it is debatable that they could understand love. I did not make a definitive statement that they could not. The fact that you would cite that movie in defense of AA1Vincent is evidence that you understand neither the movie, nor the original poster's obsession and its underlying psychology.
JJM ---- At first read I decided not to answer your thoughts.But and there is always a but, I have to. You dont know this woman like I do. You negativity is heard load and clear. She tells me about guys like you. I disagree with most of what you have said. Your problem seems to be you think that providers are not human, just mechanical. This is a deep tender feeling woman. A beautyful person. I believe that ever woman has been given a gift of beauty. This woman is as beautyful on the inside as she is on the outside.
Nope...It is you who confuses negativity with reality..in a sappy, selfish way (big surprise!!). If you really had any respect for her person and what she has chosen to do..you would respect and enjoy her within the limits that she has chosen to set..instead of trying to impose your "love" on her.
The courtesan / client relationship is historically an old one...but is still simple. Two different worlds..two different clocks, meeting briefly in an arrangement, then seperating; as it must be. Entanglements beyond this will 99.99% of the time only lead to disaster..either your "love" will violate her world and sense of security..or she will rip you off for every penny you are foolish enough to lavish on her and dump you like a chump. I very much doubt that this particular girl is the latter; but it's clear that you are the former. This is a sophiscated relationship...much more so than the typical "love" story. Your sappy declaration of love is only imposing your selfish insecurity on her. By seeing you (and presumably enjoying the time and sex with you), she is trusting that you will respect her enough to understand the limits. You, very simply are ruthlessly and selfishly violating this trust!!
I very much respect the few women I do see as beautiful, wonderful 'humans' (as you say..personally I see them as individual people)..and while I like them very much; I'm very cafeful not to violate the trust they have chosen to place in me (more and more as we get to know each other better) by intruding on their space.
You are not Richard Gere (he's probably gay anyway) and she is not Julia Roberts. This is real life, pal. Grow up and give this girl a break!!
Right on jjm!
Vincent,
I sympathize with your dilemma. A lot of people here have various opinions because they don't really know your situation. I think all of the advice here are valid. The question is where do you fit in along this spectrum?
I'm just curious as to how long you have been seeing this lady before you decided you are in love? And how soon you professed your love to her? I'm sure the gents here might change their opinion given more info.
This Reminds me of the story about a man - he is a great provider for his family, very faithful to his wife and goes to church religiously, and a good father to his children. What do you think about this man now? Well, what if I told you, he's an alcoholic and beats his wife? You posed a question, but really didn't give enough information for any one to give sound advice, and what you get in return is worthless to you.
As to your comment about "giving her a world that cannot be equalled by many", I think it offended some people because you could have very well said "give her a very nice comfortable life". But I don't think you were trying to boast, I think you were just stating a fact. You could be much more wealthy than anyone here for all I know, but it just had somewhat of an arogant under tone. Wealth is relative, so it's hard for people to judge what you meant by that phrase.
If your nicest toy is a Ferrari, then people can see what you mean. If it's a hummer, yeah it's nice but many here can do that too.
Just my .02, best of luck.
Escorts are not your girlfriend. Don't be an emotional tampon.