I always love answering this question. Pull up a chair, this is going to be a long post . . .
- It's not particularly sexy, but I am a firm believer in safety, and first and foremost would be my first-aid kit and medical supplies. I'm a little more advanced (lifestyle) player and often at dungeon spaces that aren't my own, but I have Adenna Shadow nitrile examination gloves and PDI Super Sani-Cloth wipes. The exam gloves are for any time I'm doing anything with exposure to blood or bodily fluids. Glove up, clean your play area first. I like the PDI wipes because it's a 2 minute "kill time" on nasty bugs. MadaCide also works. Spray alcohol takes too long to kill the bugs, in my opinion, but is also an option. Because those wipes and sprays are carcinogens, you do not want to use your bare hands. Area clean? Okay, then don a second pair of gloves for things like play piercing, strap-on, etc., where you are likely to encounter blood, piss, urine, feces, etc. "Play safe"! (You'll want to glove up a third time to clean your space and your toys after you are done.)
I'd also recommend the standard stuff (bandages, rubbing alcohol, etc.) that you'd find in your normal first-aid kit. Make sure that you are careful about asking about medical issues before you play. Sometimes, you have to coax it out of them a little, but you want to know about things like heart issues, major surgeries, do they have an inhaler nearby if they have asthma, do they potentially require a glucose tablet if they have low blood sugar? The endorphin rush of a really good scene can seriously screw with their medical issues. A blanket is also nice to have, as some subbies will experience a dramatic shift in body temperature as you play. Arnica is highly recommended for those who want to heal quickly. (I assume that you are negotiating "marks" beforehand? Some clients will want them, and many won't.)
- Second on my list is -- sorry, again it's not a toy -- education. For $100 a year (or less if you want a shorter subscription), KinkAcademy.com has 600+ instructional videos from experts in BDSM in how to do different types of play SAFELY. Since you are in Cleveland, you might consider seeking out Ohio S.M.A.R.T. (OhioSmart.org), which is one of the oldest and largest poly-pansexual BDSM clubs in your area. It appears that they have classes and you can get some real-time instruction in person on how to safely play. Greenery Press also has a lot of wonderful "how to" books on BDSM topics.
- Okay, now for the toys . . . You have the first items that I always recommend to newbies. In fact, almost all newbies have them -- your hands! Learn how to give a good spanking. Spanking it a great warm-up activity for all other forms of impact play, and spanking doesn't have to be limited to the butt cheeks. Pick up a book like The Compleat Spanker by Lady Green and learn the "no go" zones on the human body.
- Next up is an item that you also already have -- a riding crop. You can do a wonderful scene with just spanking and a riding crop. Seriously. And if you want to mix it up with paddles, more power to ya! Literally.
- A lot of men (not all) who see dominatrixes like strap-on play. You might invest in that. Remember to use condoms on your strap-on.
- Wartenberg pinwheels are dirt cheap and a lot of fun for sensation play. They're about $20.
- A lot of subbies like the feeling of restraint. I'm personally not a big fan of nylon rope, as it can start to cut into the skin. If you do want to learn rope, buy hemp rope from TwistedMonk.com. (But not now. You're still learning, and that gets very expensive.) You can purchase a roll of bondage tape, or start investing in cuffs. I'd suggest going with leather cuffs/restraints that are comfy and staying away from handcuffs for the time being. Even that shrink wrap on a roller used for keeping boxes on a pallet together (found at most storage supply places) can be a good way to tie wrists or even do mummification.
- The first EXPENSIVE thing I'm going to recommend is a really good flogger. Those can run around $200. You might check out my friends at BunnyFlooger.com. (By the way, the bunny fur flogger is a lot of fun, and almost impossible to hurt someone with, but it will make a nice thuddy sensation. Once you want a real flogger, consider deerskin with the flatter fawls for a nice thuddy, back massage sensation.)
Okay, now here's where we potentially branch off into specialties . . . In BDSM, it's been my experience that most dominants are either "jack of all trades and master of none" (although they might be really, really good at many of these things) OR they are super-super-specialized, like my one friend who primarily does violet wand play and wax play, and has every violent wand accessory you can think of.
One of my favorite stores, just to get a sense of what's out there, is Stockroom (linked below). They have an incredible selection and as kink suppliers go, offer fairly reasonable prices to our community.
That said, you do NOT have to limit your imagination to just want expensive sex shops have to sell. Go into Home Depot or the 99 Cents Store. There are tons of "pervertables" to be found in everyday places. Ask the guy behind the paint counter if you can have a couple of short or long wooden paint stirrers. As long as they don't have splinters, those make great toys. (Although you might want to double-lacquer them first.) Even something as simple as an ice cube can be turned into temperature play. (Doubly fun with a blindfold.)
Don't forget to invest in clothing and nice shoes/pantyhose. A lot of foot fetish types out there.
I could go on and on and on, but I'll come up for air and see what others suggest. PM me if you have any specific questions, Naomi.
Best,
LeChiffre
) and they travel well, sometimes well enough to fit inside a laptop purse. Also, bring something simple and useful for light cock and ball bondage ties. That won't take up much room in your bag and will lead to hours of amusement...