I sympathize with ya, pal....for me, the combo of the two is the ultimate..
This is the perfecta for me also--and such providers are hard to find. Without naming a certain provider by name (but she knows I'm referring to her), search in the Vegas ad boards using keywords like "fetish-friendly" and you'll find my personal ATF...
The other way to go is to sniff around on the web for "pro-dommes"; I know that many of them have these huge honking disclaimers that basically say things like "I am not an escort. No sexual services are suggested, or should be inferred. blah de blah de blah...."
In quite a few cases, the disclaimers are accurate. Virtually all pro-dommes used to (and many still do) make a huge distinction between themselves and "hookers with whips", insisting that they were the only true purveyors of BDSM, and that GFE providers (and their clientele) were "amateurs" or in some manner inauthentic (I have no idea why this is so--two willing parties, envelope on the vanity, both parties come away having gotten what they wanted, why does someone else get to pass judgement? But I digress...).
Anyway: At least some of the time, in my experience, if you do your homework and really examine a "no sexual services, not ever, nohow, no way" website, looking at the links to the Twitter and Facebook pages (sometimes even links back to reviews on this-here very website!), you'll find that the true range of services offered are exactly what you seek. I assume these GFE/kinky providers have their own reasons for not being quite-so-forthcoming (I'm going to guess for some it's legal reasons, for some it may be that they really do want a chance to "vet" a client a little more carefully before letting them know the full range of services on the menu, etc).
Having said that, I still agree--it is pften very difficult for we kink-minded hobbyists. TER's own parameters for reviews (i.e., can't give out some of the higher-numbered ratings unless certain "services" are offered) make it even more difficult to find what we're looking for (e.g., making a trip to the Greek Isles should hardly be something that a hobbyist would expect from a femdom-y GFE experience--but TER's rules are firm--no Greek, can't give out a "10", no BBJCIM, can't give out a "9"..etc...).
Original poster has gotten me started here: Ladies--please make it a little easier; don't force us to "read between the lines" quite so much.
TER--please create some parallel set of criteria for BDSM reviews. Even something as simple as "you won't even be allowed to HJ yourself into a condom she provides", "you might be allowed...", "you'll probably have the chance for a happy ending after you've 'suffered' enough", etc, would be a tremendous improvement over the system currently in use.
