I am a pretty experienced player. I am fairly extreme, at least in some people’s opinion. But I have seen a lot of more intense play than I can handle, so I guess extreme depends on your perspective. I generally stick to a regular Pro Domme but lately I have branched out a little to see some other Mistresses.  

I always play with a safe word and my regular Mistress has no trouble getting me to use it Basically the only times she doesn’t get me to say the magic word is when we are pressed for time.  

When visiting a new Mistress I try to make it clear I enjoy being in pain, not to the point of permanent injury but I want to be hurt.  

For example when indulging in impact play I enjoy fairly deep bruising and even like blood drawn with cane etc if Mistress is so inclined. I can’t simply can’t start out at that intensity but once I have been properly warmed up I want to be lead into sub space where I take as much possible until I am forced to use my safe word. It is one of my favorite ways to fully engage with a Mistress. When Mistress and sub are in sync the rhythm of the impacts, the cries she draws from me with her implements, the whoosh as her implements cut the air, the building of intensity and tension towards a the climax are like a great symphony. If it is done correctly it is as intense and satisfying as great sex in my experience. My pain is my gift given to my Mistress, and it is her gift to me in the same measure.  

I do engage in feedback in sessions and try and encourage more intensity and harder play. I try and ask for what I want. But that tends to take away from the whole sub experience and borders on topping from the bottom.  

From a Mistress’ perspective how do you draw the line with new clients who are requesting intense play? I understand play should be just that, sane and not dangerous. But safe words are there for a reason. Honestly I hate it when a Mistress says she thinks it is enough before I reach my limit. And in a purely practical implication I am paying a lot of money for the experience.  

I know I am not for everyone. I try and assure any potential Mistress and I are a good match before booking a session. I would never book with a Mistress who only does “Sensual” sessions. And I don’t want any Mistresses to get the wrong impression. Most sessions have been very good. There have been a few duds but that is rare and not happened in many years. But I am looking for that great session that leaves my legs trembling, my mind in tatters, and takes a day to come back to earth.

Are multiple sessions with a Mistress a required to have that great subspace experience? I hope not because I would love to visit and experience Mistresses in other parts of the nation, sort of a BDSM vacation tour.

I am planning on booking a session later this month with a Mistress I have not seen before. As far as I can tell from our correspondence she is very much into my kind of play, and seems well respected and reviewed. I would appreciate any advice on making my desires clear and making sure the Mistress will push my limits

I may be a bit jaded, but I love to play hard, really hard, and I hear quite regularly from subby boys who claim to be able to take a good hard session then when they are in front of me, they can't take anything, and I end up disappointed   so when I get a request from someone claiming to be a heavy bottom, I take the request with a grain of salt and wait until they are actually in my space before I get too excited. The only time I have ever called a halt to play was when marks were getting out of control, but even then I let the subby make the final call on continuing or stopping. Occasionally I get someone who can actually take what I like to dish out, and those sessions are awesome!

Be clear with the Mistress you are trying to see about your experiences. If you have pictures of yourself from previous sessions, or if you have done videos with other Mistresses, ask the prospect if you might share those with her, so she can get an idea of your limits. Ask if you might send a general wish list of activities, and make clear that marks, bruising, etc. are all OK with you (we always have to be so careful that being allowed to leave marks might be a special treat). If the Mistress you see regularly will give you a reference, let her know that you would like her to emphasize your ability to take a beating.  Finally, keep in mind that the harder and more often you play, the longer it might take you to get to subspace, and regardless of the intensity of the session, you just might not make it there so you might have to see a Mistress a second or third time in order to get there.  

In my opinion, in this professional relationship you are allowed to top from the bottom, a little at least, to make sure you are getting what you want. If you are consistently disappointed with the sessions you are having, then speak up and make your desires clear. I don't consider that topping from the bottom, I consider that asking for what you want and expecting to get it, so don't be afraid to go there!

Good luck, hope  you find what you are looking for

K

Dear Mistress Kiley,

Thanks for the well thought out response and encouragement. I especially appreciate the advice about topping from the bottom a little. I checked your site and you do indeed play hard. That nice purple ass on the spanking page speaks volumes. I have never been quite that deeply bruised, close maybe. Lucky sub! I may travel to Phoenix in the future and hopefully I could experience your discipline in person.  

My regular Mistress complains about getting subs requesting hard play that cannot back it up. I am frequently with her when she gets a call and a sub wants to be fisted. But he has never done anal play before in his life. That is an example of a completely unrealistic expectation during a session.  

I have been around enough to know that while I can take quite a bit of abuse, I am no where near the top of the masochist scale. I have seen in person subs take beatings I believe would have put me in shock and most likely killed me if I had been on the receiving end. Or another sub with 150+ needles inserted, and my personal limit is 28 (so far). So I do not request things out of the realm of realistic possibility for me. And I am very clear with things I do not tolerate well also. For instance I am a complete sissy when it comes to nipple play. Don't know why I am wired that way but mild clamps will have me tearing up and saying the safe word post haste. And ball busting scares the crap out of me. But I am willing to try.  

I love being marked by a Mistress. I see the marks in the mirror or I feel the pain when I sit, and it reminds me of the session, kind of like a long distance whack from her crop. It makes me feel special that Mistress cared enough to mark her territory on my flesh. I was even branded once which has since faded, but that was even more profound psychologically.  

I usually send pics to potential Mistress prior to making an appointment. It helps assure her I am for real and I know what I am requesting. Pics can be faked (just see BackPage Ads) but in my case they are not. I even have a couple of very short videos posted of my favorite activity they may view. I am not sure how to attach a pic here without using a URL or I would provide an example.  

To be clear I really have enjoyed my recent sessions. But a few have left me wanted more. If I am beat and do not have marks the next day it is kind of a disappointment. My regular Mistress sets the bar pretty high. I really hope that a Mistress will push my limits during a session without me asking.  Just take one more stroke from the cane and we will quit, no two more.

But I will take your advice and be more vocal if I desire more than I am getting. If one does not push his or her limits, new heights will never be achieved.  

Thanks Agai

I'll add that you can use the language of submission to offer more if you can give more. During a first or second session, many professional players will err on the side of dishing out too little (i.e. less harm) rather than too much (i.e. trauma or a client who threatens to sue you for assault). But if you're communicating verbally as you go deeper, that's often how someone new to dominating you can gauge where you're at and what you can take.  

Try articulating what you want to give to a Domme:

"Mistress, I offer You the gift of my pain...it's my honor to offer you another 10 cane strokes if it pleases You...I don't know if I can take it and I might safeword, but I want to try my best for You"

It can become topping from the bottom if you bitch about what she actually decides to do - but if it's offered genuinely, I view that gift of communication as a wonderful act of submission.  

Kisses,
Miss Courtney

PS: Just because someone advertises as sensual doesn't mean they can't (or don't) play hard. Perhaps one day you'll have the honor of bleeding for Me