Those paddles from London Tanners that i have been lusting for arrived. i dropped into Sanctuary-LAX to play with my friend, Entropy (of Entropyland.com). i had brought an assortment of floggers, a crop, paddles. Entropy added his leather gloved hands and some edge play (knifes that were tucked into his boots. Our play isn't just the implements used to hit and whack at me. They are used as smell arousal with the leather held up to my nose, tactical arousal of different textures/elements being drawn across my skin - all over my body, different parts of my body are grabbed, caressed, stroked and yes, hit at different degrees of impact. This play isn't done by rote, no two dances are ever the same. i have played with Entropy for eleven years. We play rough, we go at it until i ask for mercy (which hardly ever happens) or he runs out of unmarked skin he feels is safe to mark. He has actually remarked to me that his arms ached the next day.
This is a special relationship. It is built on trust, honesty, giving to one another that which we yearn for and need. i need to serve, i need to hand over my power to another that needs to take it, needs to shower me with His power. The stings, the hurts, the marks are like flowers that remind me of what an excellent time i had. i will miss them when they fade. i look forward to playing again.
i cannot do this dance with everyone i meet. i don't know them, they don't have the experience, the skill, the years of knowing me, knowing how my body works, knowing how far i can dive before i must come up for air. i can dabble, do small skits, do limited scenes/explorations with other people that wish to explore. That contact, that connection is valid and authentic and of value. For me, that is the purpose of life, to make connections with one another.
How did i get here?
When you ask this question, we we all give you a different answer because for each of us the journey has been different, Our paths/lives are different, what we like and enjoy on the buffet table that is BDSM and Fetish is dependent on our personal tastes, desires, lusts, wants and needs, infatuations.
i grew up in a neighborhood at a time when we went out on the street to find the other kids on our block that were available to play. In our different yards we played freeze tag, jump rope, double dutch, and role play. Role play excited me. i loved being a pirate and fighting my way onto the other ship with my comrades, i liked *more* being the damsel that was taken and bound and threatened and struggling to get free, and then rescued. We did Cowboys and Indians, Cops and Robbers too. The play that involved suspending reality and creating a fantasy has always been enjoyable for me.
When i was older, i found sex to be just wonderful, one of god's greatest gifts to mankind. i loved giving a BJ in the boys room or in the bushes behind the music room. i loved doing it this way and that way and with girls and boys. i liked the way it felt and how i felt, the rush, the joy. i didn't like all the stuff attached to it (what people would later refer to as "drama"). i knew better than to explore with anyone in my school, and eventually learned that one needed to find others of like mind if i was to enjoy what i liked and not have repercussions i didn't want.
And that concept held over to partners that i asked to pull my hair, and spank my bottom. There were people receptive to that and people that weren't.
Why does spanking appeal to me? It feels good. The blood rushes all up and into my bottom and it gets physically warm. My spanking last night left my skin very warm to the touch for hours. When a man gets aroused, the blood rushes into his cock. Having blood rush into my lower abdomen, my bottom makes all my sexual organs aroused too. It enhances and heightens the physical sensations of my body.
For me personally, impact play and certain kinds of other pain turn my body on. Even though my mouth used to say "no", my cunt was wet. My cunt told the truth of how my body reacts to sensations. i will cum from physical play without penetration nor genital stimulus.
Why some people and not others are drawn to this play?
For me, it is my understanding that some of us are hardwired different. Like cats that naturally hunt are hardwired that way, some of us are masochists and/or sadists. Perhaps it is built in or our lives are different, i cannot answer for everyone.
i have found that when people start exploring, and finding that different sensations appeal to them and that they can enjoy pleasure from many stimulus other than penetration fucking, there is a curiosity that clicks on. Why eat meat and potatoes everyday when there is so much more available to entice your pallet?
What excites people is as different as people are. Some people will almost turn their head off their body with their eyes following a pair of hot boots. Other people love being wrapped in cocoons and their sight and hearing taken away (sensory deprivation). You never know you "thing" unless you explore how your personal "legos" are snapped together.
) so getting into BDSM for me was all about acting on curiosities and learning as I went along. I'm of the mind that it doesn't hurt to experiment or try something, best case scenario I enjoy it, worst case it isn't fun but at least now I know! 