BDSM

At the end of a scene (aftercare)
LeChiffre 3 Reviews 21447 reads
posted

This hasn't come up in previous threads yet . . .

Since we covered scene negotiation, I thought it might be a good idea to mention the equally-important "aftercare" that is often required after a scene has ended, and is a sign that you are playing with a good partner, either pro or lifestyle.  

Usually, the sub/bottom in coming out of "subspace", which is almost a trance-like ("drunk" on euphoria) state following their endorphin high, and as a Dom(me)/Top, you want to make sure that they safely rise from the play equipment (legs might be wobbily, hands might need circulation, etc.), and pay particular attention to the dilation of their eyes, their ability to focus on you, their breathing, etc.  They'll look a little out-of-it for a few minutes, and you have to stay with them to make sure that they don't hurt themselves.  As we say, "If we break our toys, we don't get to play with them again."

This article is kind of an interesting read if you'd like more info.  I've personally found that having a bottled water and a warm blanket nearby are usually the most useful items to help with that transition of out subspace.  It's normal to feel a little chilly as the endorphin rush ends, and there can be profuse sweating, so the sub/bottom is often dehydrated.  A good hug goes a long way, too.  :-)

I'm guessing submissann can give an even better perspective on this issue.

This article is also kind of useful, although it seems to be written from the perspective of when the submissive/bottom is no longer in "subspace".

Note the great suggestion about using the health care product ARNICA to reduce the appearance of bruising, etc., after you've finished playing.

When i think of "Aftercare" specifically, i'm concerned about the bottom/submissive/slave being drunk on endorphins and adenine, and that a responsible Top/Dom(me) cannot just let a person in this state walk out the door to drive home.  It takes hours depending on the person and the state they are in to be balances enough to drive a vehicle.

Water is so important, to hydrate a person and keep their body balanced.  Also room temperature is important, both during and after the scene.  If the room is cool for the comfort on the Dom(me) that is putting forth energy and exercise while playing, that same coolness is making a nearly or completely naked bottom's blood go to the skin to warm the body.  Skin that has blood rushing  to warm it bruises easily.  It is exactly the same reason you should not drink alcohol and bottom/submit because blood rushes to your skin when you drink.  Think about how your face flushes or your nose turns red when you've had a few drinks.

The other effect of playing and have this wonderful high, is that when it leaves (and for some people, it leaves all to quickly like an elevator crashing to the floor) there is an unnatural low or depression that may occur.  That is why it is so important to get to know your partner and how that person specifically reacts.  Also, why it is important to start slow in the level of playing and the amount of "high" so that you can see if there will be a crash or not, if you aren't as "high" the "low" won't be so dramatic.  Every person has their chemistry.

Aftercare is just as important to pay attention to in being intimate and getting to know a person, as discovery about them while playing.

like to add that if your Domme is insisting that you do all that when you're still in subspace, I'd think twice about playing with her again.

Every time I've been in an endorphin high, there is no way I can do anything but sit and laugh and go through the sweet space. I'm just not coherent enough to do anything else.

My group always has water and a blanket available, AND the time to sit with the one in subspace until the bottom / sub has become coherent again.

Also, aftercare gives the Domme time to unwind as well. There's such a thing as a contact high; the Domme will sometimes find herself in need of aftercare!

Thanks for the simple helpful hints!

There is a natural response with being the dominate in this type of situation as well.  There is what is called a "top drop".  I know that I've experienced it.

Elisabeth

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