BDSM

Does being involved "in the scene" = no sex?
HalfHour 22170 reads
posted

I'm interested in aspects of BDSM as a type of sexual encounter. However, most of what I have read about what is out in the local scenes is related to non-sexual restraint, puninshment, pain-conditioning, endurance etc. (Except for TPE D/s relationships.)

Personally, I have zero intereest in being a sub, bottom, slave, etc. I see bunches of Fem Dommes (if that is the correct term) which seems of no value to me.

For what it's worth, when I  read the ads or posts by men looking for the same as me, they seem very creepy and a bit 'off'.

Any suggestions on finding and connecting with others (pro or not) who have a similar interest.





-- Modified on 5/20/2011 8:19:58 PM

is always going to be YMMV............P4P is no exception.

Your answer depends on the person you are playing with, what energy is created by the two of you, and what their rules are.

Anyone who would give you a set of rules that use the word: "All"...or this is the "standard"...this is the "norm".....please disregard them and their posts.....they are only reliving their OWN personal experiences in the lifestyle....they have not been with every top or bottom in the game.

As a professional companion it has been my experience that I am initially hired as an erotic guide, and the relationship MIGHT evolve into top/sub because my clients MAY find they have an attraction to the BDSM scene.....with that said....I sometimes "force" my subs to have sex with me. It's a journey of experiementation in a lot of different directions....and it REALLY depends on the trust level between myself and my clients.

In my very humble opinion I think every provider should be knowledgeble in BDSM.....and be very versatile in her work. The versatility means her clients will never know which one of her is going to open that hotel room door.

The "no sex" thing is a common misconception.  It is true that the majority of BDSM clubs and professional dungeons do not allow sex, but that is largely due to the fact that they are operating "legitimate" businesses, and as long as there aren't "acts of prostitution" in their facilities, there's little that law enforcement can do to shut them down.  Generally, the community understands that they can let their freak flag fly a little bit at parties and events, but they'll probably have to save the fucking for when they get back home.  Just think of that as extremely extended foreplay.  That said, I've been in BDSM clubs where people were fucking right in front of me; it's just the exception to the rule, more than the norm.  Depends on the club.

I will say that there are a lot of situations where people are going to experience power exchange and BDSM play, and don't necessarily require the sex part, or they are willing to compromise to play with some beautiful creature who otherwise wouldn't agree to play if sex was involved.  The client will go home and masturbate later, replaying what just happened over and over in their minds, and that's fine for many people.

If you desire it to be a Top/Dom/Master, then there are some professional submissives out there, like our very own submissann.  But what are YOU bringing to the table?  If you have no prior experience, have you read a single book about BDSM safety?  Have you attended any classes?  What guarantee is there that you're not going to damage (not just hurt) the person you are playing with?

You don't state what your specific "interest" is, but there are sub-groups that cater to about just every imaginable kink you can dream up (i.e., spanking only groups).  If you are in a big city, you probably have a BDSM lifestyle group that offers education/classes, munches/socials and parties.  Or, you could purchase time with a submissive at a pro dungeon, with the understanding that you'll get to do a lot of cool stuff with a cute girl, but sex won't necessarily be part of that.  Any submissive woman who offers sexual services would probably be someone you'd need to meet at a hotel or an independent play space.

In terms of the "creep" factor, there are a lot of legitimately creepy guys in the scene.  It's been my experience that a lot of the BDSM lifestylers are nerdy types -- you'd find a lot of them also attending Renaissance Faire or Comic-Con -- so that social awkwardness can play as "creepy" for some of the men.  As they are finding their dominant personalities, they can sometimes err on the side of overacting their parts, which, again, comes off as creepy.  

So, embellish a bit more on this post, and maybe we can give you a better sense of direction for your next step.

Try

Alt.com

Maxfisch.com

Collarme.com

I've had encounters where sex of some type was included and expected. Others where it was definitely not part of the deal. It all depends on who you're playing with. When in doubt, tell your potential BDSM playmate that you're new to the BDSM game and that you're unsure of what she offers and that you're looking for (fill in the blank). As with everything in life, be polite and respectful and you'll likely receive the same in return.

Posted By: HalfHour
I'm interested in aspects of BDSM as a type of sexual encounter. However, most of what I have read about what is out in the local scenes is related to non-sexual restraint, puninshment, pain-conditioning, endurance etc. (Except for TPE D/s relationships.)

Personally, I have zero intereest in being a sub, bottom, slave, etc. I see bunches of Fem Dommes (if that is the correct term) which seems of no value to me.

For what it's worth, when I  read the ads or posts by men looking for the same as me, they seem very creepy and a bit 'off'.

Any suggestions on finding and connecting with others (pro or not) who have a similar interest.





-- Modified on 5/20/2011 8:19:58 PM

i have had pro sessions and personal lifestyle relationships that were founded in the D/s dynamic, we enjoyed  BDSM together and it included NO SEX.  i served because serving was the goal.

i have had sex that included BDSM and that was way hot too.

It all depends on the two (or more) people involved and what you agree to.  Keep asking while negotiating your session until you find the person that gives what you want.

~a

Register Now!