... for the umpteenth time

It never ceases to amaze me how nearly impossible it is to get a very simple fantasy fulfilled by a professional dominatrix. I visited one yesterday and after telling her some very specific things that would ruin the session for me, she proceeded to do those very things until I finally just told her I was done and left. Fortunately, the restraints were fake. That's about the fourth time in a row something very similar has happened so hopefully I've learned my lesson once and for all.  

I'm now planning on sticking to the more pleasurable side of things where I've found that you actually CAN fulfill your fantasies with some very nice ladies

I wonder if the problem isn't something like you, being the sub, saying what you don't want is interpreted by the dom taking that as exactly what you do want because often the idea is to do to the sub what they don't want, hence the discipline thing.

Just a thought.

I wonder how that conundrum could be averted.

I understand what you are saying but I don't think that is the answer. Mainly I think the answer lies in the fact that professional domination is a business and the ladies aren't that interested in getting inside your head and giving you what you want, especially if they perceive it as a one time thing where you are trying to fulfill your ultimate fantasy and might not repeat. They just take your money and do the best they can without really investing much thought in it.

I would have quit a long time ago if one very wonderful Lady hadn't gotten inside my head to give me a session that was nothing short of a life-changing cathartic experience. Later on somebody told me that if I could have seen her stomach I would have seen a scar from a branding session. Obviously she understood about pain rituals and empathized with what I was seeking.

I'm sorry this happened to you so many times!  I despise cowards and liars. I hear this complaint often from gentlemen yearning to submit and finally experience their fantasy in real time.  My boys call what you encountered "stippers with whips"  

BDSM is such a wonderful way to express yourself. It should be mutually satisfying and honest, which it seems like you are. But these 'Doms' are not sincere or honest and they prove that by NOT listening and respecting limits.  They should be ashamed and deserve a harsh spanking!

It's a shame you are quitting but perfectly understandable given the amount of fakes you have encountered.  I am new to TER and Eros so I encounter a lot of trepidation to book and I know that is because of the many possers who role play Domme and do not actually understand the psychology,  ethics, and respect it requires.    

I hope one day you are able to see your fantasy realized.  That energy will be exquisite!  

Liliah Dol

hljockey, I agree with you.  
There are many who are cheap and limited in their session energy.
There are some who solely want a weird way to get kff..no connection and no D/s dynamic.   Clear and sincere communication is key.

Isn't subspace wonderful! !?  While I am not a bottom or sub, I experience a high when the energy is powerful and My sub is deep in the rabbit hole!  It is so addictive, this energy exchange

I know that this can be really difficult, trying again and again and being completely disappointed.  

I would imagine that you've had at least a few email exchanges with ladies prior to meeting? In my experience, an email or two prior to a session can really clear up any sort of "mistaken identity"; in emails, I expect to be treated as a peer and treat my potential client as a peer, not as a potential submissive.  Being able to discuss wants, needs, likes, and dislikes in a pressure-free manner is important.  In my case, it allows me to say "yes! I'm into what you're into, and I think we will have a great time!", or "no, i'm not into what you're into, but here's a list of a few ladies who might be able to help you".  Also, while you may have thought you communicated clearly, often times, communications get crossed.  Being able to write things via email allows for clarity; it also allows me to look over something prior to a session in order to refresh my memory.  

I'm honestly curious about what your fantasy consisted of and why/how 4 separate instances left you disappointed.  It sounds like the ladies you contacted weren't proficient in BDSM practices and the idea of limits, or if they were, they simply didn't care.  In the first case, one can learn.  in the second case, one shouldn't be offering BDSM if she's not interested in it.  

Either way, I hope that you keep trying, whether in your personal life or with a professional.

I'm the complete opposite of the "blank slate" you talked about below. My fetish is corporal punishment and it involves a head trip that Most Ladies don't seem to understand. Sometimes they just start beating on you and think you'll enjoy it but it doesn't work that way.  Like sex without foreplay I guess.

Would love to see someone like you who does both BDSM and GFE. It gets frustrating not being able to finish serving properly. Another reason I'm retiring.  

Perhaps what you seek is a more sensual dominant style...those providers are out there.  I am one of them...for me the lady needs to gain maturity and finesse to be able to analyze what she is being asked to do.  I am a licensed therapist and find the human mind so fascinating.  It takes times to build to the kind of session that you describe.  Sometimes I never get there...unless you beg.

Choose wisely!

Unfortunately, I think unless you live in one of the pro dom meccas of NYC, LA, or CHI you don't have a lot of choices so you either live your life of quiet desperation or roll the dice.  

And I'm probably bullshitting about not rolling the dice again. Already have someone else in mind for my next try.

Interesting that you are a licensed therapist. I've always viewed sessions as a kind of therapy. Unfortunately, I haven't found many doms who are very interested in your head trip. They just want you to sit and explain in 60 seconds what you are into. They hear "corporal punishment" and then they start beating on you and think you'll like it.

Did you ever hear of Lady Ashley who was up in you area? She's retired now but she was wonderful. If it wasn't for her I would have retired long ago but she sent me to masochist heaven.
 

I wouldn't call her a "stripper with a whip". She was actually a well respected Dom but she didn't seem to want to invest very much time and effort in understanding what I was really looking for even though I made it clear I was willing to compensate her.  

There was once a psychologist on the web who was into BDSM and posted a lot of interviews with Doms and he had a theory that most of them suffered from adult ADHD. Based on my own experience, I tend to agree. They skim over what you have to say without paying attention to any of the details and it's like they can't wait to start beating on you the moment you arrive without understanding any of your head trip

That is an interesting theory.   I am a professional massage therapist as well, these two world have common issues.   It is a service as well as a personal interaction and energy exchange.  I enjoy the inteview part, getting to know your client/sub needs and expectations gives Me more power to guide My subs futher into headspace!  I am addicted to that stupified expression on a sub face when he /she is floating in subspace! This makes the surge of energy I feel as a Domme soar.
 the head trip is the sweetest! And it goes both way

I enjoy being a Domme. But I have learned in the past year that my job is to fulfill the fantasy of the sub. I build a relationship with my subs so thought I dominate the situation I give them what they want and a little extra. I never go beyond their boundaries unless we have previously discussed me simply fulfilling my desires. Some men are really open and allow you to do what you want with a few request, some are very specific. Men are paying to have these needs met. I value long term relationships so I make sure when my sub and I depart its with well wishes and "when can we meet again".  

A lot of my guys have fantasies about a bigger woman controlling them. This is why they choose me as to someone smaller. Its depends on what you want. I am also very sensual with my subs so  I make it all hurt so good

Never Met Ashley...I do think that to let go in submission is a huge responsibility.  I believe in stripping the soul and rebuilding it...depends on what you are searching for.  Some want a sort of role play experience for a defined amount of time...while others want a lifestyle.  The kink and the drive to the kink are the essence to capture...