For many years and to many people, "real" BDSM "had nothing to do with sex!". I think as the torch has been passed through upcoming generations of folks, many things have evolved and changed in ways that no one expected. Some changes less appealing than others, depending on who you are.

So for those of you who frequent this watering hole on the internet,

Do you see BDSM and sex as exclusive?

Do you look for providers who also offer kink or Dominatrices that also offer additional services? Which direction do you start from when you think about which is a priority to you?

And when you think of erotic bdsm or sensual femdoms, what does that entail in YOUR imagination?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Some like a more erotic hardcore BDSM style provider with latex and floggers and then some like a more laid back sensual experience with a Domme who just likes to be serviced in other ways ( foot fetishes etc) The community offers both which I love. Since I am sensual Mistress I have many clients who just enjoy being restrained, plugged and used when I see fit. I might even collar them and make them my toilet for the day and afterwards cuddle with them and listen to some slow jazz. The do not seek to be flogged, bruised or in the presence of latex and when they do they seek that out in the community.  

Varity is everything and I love both sensual femdoms and hardcore BDSM providers. Some do not see sex and a part of BDSM because that is a traditional way of thinking but plenty see that is something they need so it depends on the person.

I think the answer is different for everyone.  For me, the more immersive the relationship the better, as in the moment I prefer a deep connection that feels like something that would occur if it were occurring in a real, ongoing mistress/sub relationship.  One of my greatest experiences was with a well known lifestyle  mistress whose interactions were a combination of Dom/gfe, if your girlfriend was a mistress who enjoyed humiliating you and pleasing herself.  It was incredibly exciting, and made me feel she was enjoying as much as I was

It sounds like you had a great connection there.  

I don't know what all the anti-sex nonsense is with BDSM folks but those lines are softening a lot. The OG was a lot more rigid about these things than the newcomers. It is still evolving and I think a lot of the problem came from many folks (almost entirely male) entering the scene who were really just looking for easy exploitative sex with submissive women and causing a lot of damage in their wake. Predators and scavengers tend to do that. So the obvious response is to try and make some kind of line of demarcation between "kinky sex" and actual, full blown, take it seriously or leave BDSM desires. It can be hard to tell the difference sometimes but it is the only velvet rope they had to work with to try and keep the undesirables out of the circles.

Personally, I have evolved enough over time that I am not interested in being ugly, mean or hateful to anyone in a scene. I want folks to feel loved, transcendent and liberated. I like to think it is possible without having to roleplay a giant asshole in the process. LO

I can recall bitter polemics against fusion by jazz purists back in the 1970s, and as I age, I always feel crotchety every time my favorite thing is gone, replaced by the newest trend.

But, such is life.

Sex is like bacon to me:  There's nothing that it doesn't go well with

But here's the thing. Their favorite "thing" isn't gone. The OG is still strong, operative and present. It is just now accompanied by some variations it didn't expect and discovered that with becoming "mainstream" and socially acceptable, it also attracted problems and bottom feeders that it never saw coming.

The blame, of course, is on sex and how the inclusion or tolerance of it as an integral component opened the door to all this. There may be some truth in that but ultimately, the greatest contributions to the problems in the scene hasn't been related to sex but to the puritanical view of it we maintain as Americans (vs Europeans).

And admit, you are just crotchety. The new trends are just a stage for you to trot that side of yourself out and show it off.

Yes, this has been a thing.  
The best visual examples are women tied up completely helpless -- legs together, or latex covered -- completely inaccessible for fucking, even for finger-fucking.  

That's quite hot, I suppose.
To somebody other than me.  

I do enjoy tying up a woman for sex, but not instead of sex.  
Sexless BDSM is one of those many things that are somebody else's OK kink but leave me cold.  

So when I think of "erotic bdsm or sensual femdoms", I think of a restrained, straining, begging, aroused-out-of-her-mind woman, helplessly exposed to her captor (me), being sexually teased beyond her imagination; or of myself being so teased and aroused.  The restraints are there to allow heightening the arousal, prolonging the tease, and intensifying the sexual tension and release.  For me it's all ultimately about sex.  But sex is not simple.  

Just one man's answer to the original question, hope it helps

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Many, if not most, BDSM fantasies don't involve "normal" sex and I indulged in the "non-sensual" side of BDSM catering to fulfilling those kinds of fantasies for a long time.

Doesn't work for me any more. A lot of providers are genuinely into BDSM and don't have the "no sex of any kind" stipulation so I really can't see the point of engaging the services of a "pure" BDSM dominatrix any more.  
 

BDSM and sex can definitely be exclusive of each other (such as a flogging or bondage), and back in the day (in the present as well) many Pro Dommes held to the mantra "Domination is not prostitution." There are as many differences in style as there are providers- some will remain clothed, some will allow you to give yourself a HE, some allow body worship, and some will go further...

Who I look for depends on what I am looking for. For example, if I want a Golden Shower, that's something only most Dommes provide. Or if I want fetish-y clothing worn such as rubber or latex, or an elaborate piece of BDSM equipment, many general providers don't have the extensive wardrobe or equipment. And then there's the experience needed for things like CBT, rope bondage, and Strap-On play...

There does seem to be a growing number of providers who combine a Mistress/GFE experience. A nice choice to have available when looking for both sex and BDSM.

In the 90's, there was an overlap between sex and BDSM, but in the early 2000's, the lifestyle BDSMers and the NY commercial dungeons that attracted a college educated group of providers--Mistress Psyche had two PhD's, and two mistresses I had multiple sessions with learned the art of BDSM in Berlin while going to German universities on Marshall Fellow Scholarships--began to set up hard and fast rules separating sex from BDSM. While there may well be a lessening of the divide, the biggest danger--and I see it on this site and among certain providers--is that providers of sex who want to offer BDSM as a way of getting more clients will simply not learn the art of BDSM. Pitta-pat spanking, a twist of the nipple, and that's enough, fella. It isn't. The most fantastic sex I've had has been in combination with the most thorough and intricate BDSM knowledge that the provider had learned. So--the risk is not the blurring--it is that the providers of sex simply won't learn the skills of BDSM and the recipients--the hobbyists--will never learn what a skilled practitioner of BDSM can do.

I totally see what you are saying and agree with you.

But I would also point out (having worked in commercial dungeons and been involved in the lifestyle social scene) - the integrity in BDSM skills/knowledge you are looking for is an individual thing and not something that can (or should) be expected just because the femdom is NOT a  provider. There are a whole lot of folks (male and female) that think BDSM is about peacocking around a room and treating being a dominant like a competition sport or worse, a big joke at the expense of the sub.

As a general rule of thumb, if a hobbyist is looking for a session with an experienced provider, go see someone with a well-done website who has invested money in a lot of equipment and fetish fulfillment activities. Escorts are not going to do this...some on BackPage might try to buy 1 flogger and say they are a Domme, but an experienced Domme is likely to have more than a few floggers, paddles, dildos, and other pieces of equipment. I've seen a pro Domme's ad where she says she owns more dildos than pairs of shoes...and she has tons of both. That's someone with experience who has invested in what she's doing and loves her job...a lifestyle and pro Domme. The money she earns is put back into her business and own fetishes.

Now, this isn't to say a good Domme who knows what she's doing needs to have a huge dungeon...she might be at a different point in her life, downsizing, etc.  

Lastly, in my experience, the line drawn between BDSM and sex was there well before the 2000's. Find any BDSM paper or magazine from the late 80s and 90s, the pre-internet days of advertising, and you will see it there too.

For me, sex and kink have never been exclusive. I think deep down most people participate in kink to get their rocks off. It is part of the reason why I could not imagine not doing full service session (unless he is into cucking, but that is a different game ).  

I often find my clients to be unsure of whether or not I am willing to go all the way because of so many "BDSM only" providers. I know there are merits to seeing each kind of provider though, especially because so many Escorts who take kinky clients are necessarily trained in the art of kink and will do it only to appease the client. If you look really hard though, there are those of us who are both.  

There are so many ways to play with erotic bdsm. My favorite fandom fantasy is the tie and tease though. I have perfected the art of strapping a man down to the bed and erotically torturing him until he can't take it anymore. My victim alternates between begging for me to stop and wishing I would never untie them. Tehe

Erotic pertains to things that appeal to the erogenous zones...so it's more titillating in nature
Sensual pertains to the five senses (sight, smell, touch, taste, hearing) so it's more about a sensory experience

Many sensual dommes do NOT offer gfe/escort/fs and would strongly declare that there IS a difference. However, sex, and sexual things ARE one form of a sensual experience.

Think of it this way, all sexual behavior is sensual but not all sensual behavior is necessarily sexual.

A lot of the "sensual dommes" focus more on the bondassage, softer side of bdsm and it's a market that's thriving. There are kinky activities like sensory deprivation, tie and tease, wax play, tickling, blindfolding and the like that are sensual but not sexual in nature.

People who market themselves as "erotic femdoms" (like ME) are generally more open to "girlfriend" type activities.

Hope that helps.