I am looking forward to a date with a well-reviewed sub next week while I am traveling.  We have exchanged several emails, in which she has come across as very sweet, accommodating, and wiling to teach me as a novice.

I let her know that I wanted her to share what she would crave and enjoy.  "Breath play" and "wax play" was in her response.  I did a little google research, which helped with the basics, but was hoping for some advice here.

Any suggestions or ideas would be appreciated.  Thanks in advance.

-- Modified on 6/24/2011 11:32:59 PM

My advice: DON'T.  Breath play is edge play, and if you are a novice, this is not for you.

Maybe ask her for clarification about what she means.  If she just wants you to hold your hand over her mouth and cover her nose for a few seconds, then that might be something you can consider, but only if the situation is one where her arms/hands are able to pull away your hand.  In other words, not in connection with bondage.

A good scenario might be to do some hair pulling (grasp from the back of the neck), tug her head back, whisper deviant things, and then (with pre-negotiation) do what I described above.  But, again, NOT if the provider is tied up or otherwise unable to remove your hand if she really needs to do so.

Some providers also like gagging on cock, which can be fun.  Again, she has to be free to remove her mouth from your penis if she genuinely needs to.

First off, wax play is exceptionally messy.  Do you have a plan for double-tarping down the area (plastic tarps held down with duct tape) where you are going to play?  You are probably going to just throw the tarp away when you are done with it.  You don't want to put the used wax down the sink, toilet or shower, or you will seriously fuck up your plumbing.

Second, see this link for some info on the types of candles.  DO NOT PLAY WITH BEESWAX CANDLES!!!!  (The ones with a honeycomb-shaped pattern.  Avoid like the plague!)  The burning temperature of that type of candle is too high for all but the most intense masochists.  That will end your scene right there and probably send your sub to the hospital.

While I'm going to attempt to give you the basics, I'd also highly suggest subscribing to The Kink Academy.  They have some on-line wax play tutorials that will help a lot and make you look like a pro if you study them beforehand.

If your session is at your place and you have a Crock-Pot, fill it with water and let 2 or 3 of those cheapo religious-type candles (in a glass column) you buy at the discount stores sit in the water so that you have plenty of wax to play with.  (Leave the candles in their holders; don't pour the wax into your Crock-Pot.)  This might take an hour or more, but you'll have a LOT of melted wax to play with.  Have some coffee stirrers handy, because they'll still chunk up as the components (like the dye) start to separate from the paraffin.  You also have to be extremely careful, as there might be a metal piece at the bottom, used to weigh down the wick, and that cannot be allowed to fall on your submissive.  Have a wet towel at the ready, too, in case something is burning her.  You are, essentially, going to be creating first-degree burns.

Your submissive might want to wear a hair net and/or safety goggles.  I'm going to advise that you NOT drip anywhere near the face anyway, since you are a novice, but, technically, it can be done.  I'll leave it up to you and your submissive, but you might want to apply baby oil to her body before you start pouring the wax.  If you do, the wax will come off much easier when you are done, but it will impact the temperature play a little.  If you don't use baby oil, you might be able to pull off a body mold, which is always kind of cool (if you did enough layers).

Okay, so your submissive lays down on the tarped area, and your wax is melted and ready to go.  What's next?  Start by warming her up with the touch of your hands.  (No wax yet.)  Then, before you drip any wax on her, you're going to have to buck up and do it on yourself first, to test the temperature.  (Because you're an ethical Dom.)  Suggest you drip a tiny bit on the BACK of your hand (not your palm, which is more sensitive).  If that feels bearable, then you're ready to go.  Control the temperature by starting your pour as high as possible over her body.  Ask her to give you a number on the "10" scale ("1" being "I can barely feel it" and "10" being "intolerable pain!!!") from time to time, to see how she's doing.  If she's enjoying it, you can pour the candle gradually lower and closer to her body.

Wax play is really an extension of temperature play.  For a REALLY fun time, have a bucket or glass of ice cubes handy, and periodically switch between dripping wax and dripping ice.  She's have a hard time telling which is which!!!  Especially if you want to add blindfold play to the scene.  (Sadistic giggle.)

Don't rush when you play.  Little baby drips.  Drip, drip, drip.  NOT "slosh"!

Don't rush the aftercare.  Remove the wax slowly and sensually.  As I said before, this is going to be a huge mess.  That's part of the reason players have to tell dungeons beforehand that they are contemplating doing a wax scene.

This is not meant to replace formal instruction, so, again, I'd highly advise checking out the tutorials on The Kink Academy related to wax play before your session.

Good luck, and let us know how it went!

Both posts were extremely constructive and helpful.  Think I will heed your advice and back off the breath play, except for nose pinching etc., and pursue the wax play.  Have asked her for her reaction too, with a link to your posts.

Have a great weekend.

One thing that I really like to do (with those I like kissing, that is ) is buddy breathing. While kissing, the bottom's nose is pinched shut and the Top and the bottom share the Top's breath. The Top inhales, shares with the bottom, breathes normally while continuing the kiss for one or two breaths, inhales and lets the bottom exhale, then repeats the process. Extremely erotic, and puts both partners into their appropriate headspaces quite quickly !!

I agree with LeChiffre, make sure your bottom is able to move her hands, breaking contact should she need to, since saying a safe word won't be possible. Let your bottom guide you a bit, as well, as far as her comfort level and what she feels safe doing with you.

Play safe and have fun!!

Buy paraffin blocks at your local craft store (in the candle making supplies). You can melt the paraffin, and add a couple of kids crayons, to get different colors. Although you are probably not wanting to invest a lot, the foot spas they sell for home pedicures and foot massage, etc..work great for melting and holding wax at the perfect temperature for play.

Don't use scented candles or candles with sparkly bits in them, and I prefer to not play with soy candles...the soy wax is a pain in the ass to clean up, whereas the parafin comes off fairly easily. I like to take a row of votives, line them up on my vict...er...subject, then line up a row of ice cubes along each side. As the votives melt down, the wax flows onto the ice and the sensation is really cool !!

Then, of course, for some of us, knife play gets the wax right off !!

Wax On !!!

END OF MESSAGE

Great additional suggestion with the paraffin blocks, Mistress Kiley!  Only downside is that you'll be holding your lighter to it the whole time and it burns a bit hotter than a candle, but not so much so that your submissive is likely to mind.

If you do the knife removal thing, seek out those knives that look scary but are actually dull.  In other words, you can run them over your arm without getting cut.

The reason not to use the candles with sparkly bits is because that's actually tiny pieces of metal -- that shit will BURN!

I'm not sure how much time you have booked with your provider, but a wax play session alone could easily go 40 minutes to 1 hour (or longer) if you do it right (i.e., slow and sensually).  Have fun!

When i have done wax play in sessions, we didn't use buckets of wax or need to have the Jesus candles all pre-melted in crock pots of boiling water.  i know, i've seen it done that way in dungeons, with tarps laid out and the scene is massive drips of wax for a long time.

In sessions, i've just had four Jesus candles (they are only $1 - 3 each) that have been burning for 20 minutes while we did other things, then the melted wax from the candle was dripped on me.  You want to use the Jesus candles because the wax is a low temperature burning wax in order to be in the glass holder.  The glass holders remain a cool temperature down at the bottom where the wax is unmelted, so you can hold them and not drop them.

Breath play in sessions with novices, i've had my partner hold his breath while he held his hand over my nose and mouth, so that he knew how i felt.  If he wants air, i want air.

When you are starting out, you don't need to do wax play or breathe play to the extreme - just a dip in the experience pool is good, then build on that.

Have fun, Be safe.

Great advice, and really pragmatic.  I appreciate it.  I am looking forward to the dip in the pool.

i thought i'd share what i dip can look like....

Thanks everyone for the advice.  We ended up doing a little wax play, breath play (pinching nose only) and some other fun.

Review forthcoming, but just wanted to say thanks again to all.

I don't like playing breath play so I can't offer you any advice on that subject.  As for wax play it is one of the most enjoyable sensations play ever, it does make you more sensative to touch and afterwards is perfect time for sex.

Things you need to remember is bring an old sheet or maybe a painters drop cloth, select some candles thats made for wax play (I prefer Erotic Sensations) and just dribble them on her, start with your hand high up and slowly lowering it until you reach the right temperature / sensation. Or bring a few paint brushes and you two can sit facing each other and paint pictures on each other.... this is wonderful foreplay!  Then peal them off or use a dull knife to scrap the wax off.

Most importantly is just have fun with wax play thats what its all about with me.