What do you do when you meet someone outside of the Biz? Do you or don't you tell? What is your opinion? Sometimes I find it easier to date clients since they already know the Hobby. This also brings a whole another set of issues to the relationship. It takes a strong mentally, emotionally and secure man to date a Provider. I know alot of women dealing with the same issues???
I have had that problem in the past and have told someone what I do for a living and bottom line his most guys can't handle it emotionally and end the relationship.. It is better to date a client because they can better understand what is going on versus someone who doesn't.
T
Usually I just date past clients who I am attracted to as they already know what you do and there is no need to hide. In the rare event I do meet someone outside the hobby, I don't tell in the beginning, but wait a little later. However, I don't like to knowingly deceive anyone so it normally doesn't last. My question to the ladies is this: If you meet the man of your dreams (who is also a past client) would you stop working for him? Would you be able to trust that he will never engage in the hobby again?
Well thats the risk u have to take...You hope that he would not engage in the hobby but u also have to realize this is how he met u......
Depends on the relationship and how secure you are in it. You also have to realize, that's how he met you. Many factors. Was he married when he met you or in a somewhat committed relationship> If he left someone for you, he might easily leave you for someone else.
FemmeUSA
www.FemmeUSA.com
-- Modified on 10/29/2003 3:16:39 PM
Also, would he be able to trust you would not partake in a little action for some quick cash? Yes, I've dated providers I've seen. Usually I find a girl I like and become a regular and then 'friends'.
The only time I ever attempted to have a relationship with a provider that I had seen as her client was about 15 years ago.
We had a very wonderful client-provider friendship and we were incredibly compatible sexually.
It started with dinner dates as a client and then over night sessions.
Eventually she said she felt bad about charging me and was I interested in taking our friendship to another level. We spent several nights, over dinner in our favorite restaurant, discussing all of the angles we could think of to see if it might work.
We decided that 2 things minimum had to happen, pretty much like any other relationship. First, we had to be able to talk about what both of us did for a living. It would not be fair to her to not be able to talk about her day. The catch was it would not include explicit detail about her sessions and I would not ask quetions I could not handle the answers to. This took time to really find the balance.
Secondly, we both promised to be honest about any desire or choice to be sexually active outside of the relationship or any desires to try ANYTHING within the relationship.
The next 2 years were incredible, we grew to love each other very much and experienced a level of freedom that neither of us had ever had before.
That freedom is why we ended up parting. She no longer wanted to stay in Atlanta and I had no desire to move. We spent a week in the mountains, came back, I helped her pack her house up, made sure the loaders had her set and then spent 2 incredible hours having one last love session in the middle of her empty living room with no curtains, blinds or anything else to block the voyeuristic neighbors.
We wrote and called for several years and met occasionally for weekends at the beach or in the mountains.
One day I got an invitation in the mail to her wedding.It blew my socks off. I was a bit heart broken but also very glad she was happy. I went to the wedding in a small country church in Virginia. I partied with her and her new husband at the reception and had a great time.
Afterwards she gave me a note saying she loved me dearly but could not see me again as her life was starting over and she really wanted a fresh start.
I called her one last time to wish her well and I have not heard from her in 10 years.
I will always love our time together as it was an extremely unusual relationship involving 2 people who really loved each other enough to give each other up.
Sorry this is so long.
Good Hunting,
Pheonix
other skills a "10" ... One reason I like you soo much 
Hope to see ya again soon....carriage ride? I would love to.
Raven/Deb
I look at it from a different perspective! If you are in a relationship with a provider and she tells you she loves you and wants to stop working, how can you be sure she is being honest?
In some ways the Hobby seems like it can be an addiction on both sides! After working in the biz, it seems it would be difficult to go back to being with only one man? Some guys like variety, some guys like monogamy. I think the same goes for women.
I have been friends with and dated a provider I began to see five years ago as a client. It was my first real time with a provider. I saw her as a client for a couple of years and we beacme good friends. At that point I stopped seeing her as a client and we didn't have sex for over two years. We have a mutual love for music, so we went to see shows together and it was after almost two years that we beacme intimate again.
I don't see providers anymore, honestly I have no interest! Maybe some of the ladies can shed some light on the subject of fidelity as a provider? Are ladies in the biz more or less likely to be honest about their desires to be with more than one man? Obviously, the same question can be asked of men!!!
Thanks for taking the time to read!
I was married to a Hobbyist 10 years ago. I retired from the Biz and was ready to settle down to share my life with this man. Being a previous Provider, yes, I was faithful in our 5 years of marriage! I am a True Bi-sexual. My husband accepted my bisexuality and was open to new experiences only WITHIN our marriage. Yes, Providers can be faithful!
you think they can deal then they nut up ....
Most men not in the hobby will think you are nuts to be working this type job. They won't stay around for long. Most of them will not want you to meet their friends and family.
A relationship with a client can work because he is less judgemental. So if he is single and not married to begin with ..duh...and you both like each other why not?!
Just make sure it is not all about sex. If all you do is have sex with him when you see him, he does not take you anywhere, he doesn't introduce you to family and friends. Then drop him fast because he is useing you for what he use to pay for. If he treats you like a gf and you meet his friends and family (this is the real key to being a true gf/bf) then I think his intentions are of being a bf are true.
Raven
He should have his own career and money! Otherwise he is useing you and trying to be a pimp.
Thank you Raven, your words hit home and it is just what I needed to hear! I blocked his email and dumped his ass!
And good for you for dumping him !
Lady Raven,
How did you get to be so wise? I am always seeing you post great bits of yourself on here. We are all fortunate to know or at least benefit from you.
I still owe you dinner and a carriage ride.
Good Hunting!
Pheonix
I think it depends on what you're looking for. If it's just a casual relationship or freindship, I'd only provide the information that I'm comfortable with.
If you're looking for a long term and intimate relationship than honesty is the best policy and the guy deserves to know. Often casual relationships blossom into more as increasing amounts of time are invested but before intimacy you need to let the guy know. If he can't handle it than it wouldn't have lasted anyway and you've avoided pain for both parties.
How much of an issue this biz can be with a man. When I met my SO, he didn't know...thanks to another provider w/a triple chin, she gladly showed him my site one night. I had to come clean, and he has been there still for me. He has put up with it, seen me when I've had bad experiences with hobbyists, and is ready for me to retire; or else....
I love the biz, but I love him more...After all, he has been very strong for awhile...I think it's high time I returned a little of how he has been there for me. I know it would not work if I stayed in the biz...he's had enough, and we can't get serious until I get out...So, I'm getting out...
It's been tough, though...but I've definitely learned alot...
Sexy Sofia
In order for it to work, a provider and client dating I mean, it'll take two very special and understanding people to make it work. Due to the nature of this business and the tendency of some women saying anything, and I mean anything, to get a guy to come back for "more", it's a dicey situation at best. The probability of someone getting hurt is pretty strong. I could go on and on, but I'll refrain at this point suffice it to say that this subject is very personal for me at this time.
I mean, really, if you think about it, this "job" kind of spills over into every other aspect of your life. Either you hide it or you don't with EVERYONE. And with the ones you hide it from, inevitably it is going to come out. Or else you always have that possibility in the back of your mind, lurking, looming. And with the ones who know, they either "support" you anyway, while under their breath they are murmering about how its wrong and you should stop, or they support you wholeheartedly (rare) in which case you are left wondering if they are sincere or even care, or if they are true friends.
As far as men go, most of them will either secretly resent you for selling what you won't give them, try to get freebies (why not- you do it all the time for money) or if they are romantic interests, try constantly to get you to stop. As if their love were enough reason even if they can't pay your bills.
And for women, outside of other providers, you are a thing despised and to be avoided at all costs. A threat to their relationships, an evil thing that only seeks to find men and have sex with them and take their money ... only one step away from the MOST despised: the SLUT (who does it for free)
And lets not forget the fact that once a provider, always will our view of men be tainted. I mean, lets face it, we see men doing their worst! Kissing their wives goodbye in the morning, then driving to work on the cellphone, setting up their morning or lunch or late afternoon rendezvous with infidelity. We know men like most women don't want to know.... the cold hard fact that most cannot be faithful. Even if the stats are not supporting this theory, all we see is the infidels, and there are enough of them to make one think that is all there is.
Now after all this consideration, the two questions presented are tough enough. Date a hobbyist? Well, the thing is, most will never get past the fact that you met that way. I know this from experience. They always have that like a trump card to play, and probability of the hobbyist developing feelings of a long term commited partner is low.
Date a "non-hobbyist" and then, tell or don't tell? Tell, and he may freak and leave. Don't tell, best case feel like your relationship is based on lies, worst case scenario he finds out through other means and feels decieved.
My solution? I don't date. I work. If I meet someone I like, I will become friends with him, and tell him what I do, and if it becomes serious, I will quit. But haven't found a man yet who can handle it.
Rhiannon
Forgot to mention another fact of life for us providers....
I said before that women despise us, and gave one exception: other providers. BUT what I failed to point out is how other providers will often be our worse enemies. Let's face it, this "business" is VERY competitive. Most of us are somewhat insecure, and ALL of us have varying degrees of psychosis. We would love to think that we are intelligent business women, but really we are taking the easy way out. I say that because it is easy money if you only look at the $$$ and not the toll it takes on your life, your body, your mind and your spirit- much less your relationships, if any survive. But it is no the easy way. This is a seriously dangerous lifestyle to lead if you are not at peace with yourself and what you are doing. If you are not at peace--and many of us are not--then the most likely reaction is to attack others, shifting the focus from ourselves onto another. That other is quite frequently another provider. Why? A few reasons. One is that we tend to isolate ourselves from normal women because they don't understand us. We can't tell them our experiences because it will strike fear in their hearts and put them on guard for their relationships. Or otherwise they will simply judge us. So the only female contact we end up having is other providers. Now when we need to attack (to shift focus from ourselves) This is what usually happens. We hate some part of ourselves and where we see that part reflected in another we will lash out against it. So while we girls should be sticking together and helping each other ... that doesn't always happen. It's more like: if you fit into my routine, happen to bring me good luck or good favor, for the moment I will pretend to be good friends with you. After all we have so much in common! But the instant you start to threaten me, the moment I think the man I like is interested in you or the day I believe you have wronged me in some way, That is when I will declare ALL OUT WAR. And since I know all of your weaknesses, secrets and fears, (because mine are the same) I will expose you, I will throw your flaws in your face and scoff at the idea that we could have been friends.
Until I feel lonely and isolated, and safe, again.
Sound familiar girls?
This is probably the gullible side of me but I always assumed that providers didn't really have a lot of respect for us hobbyists. There are always exceptions to the rule but I figured in a lot of cases the provider wouldn't let herself get involved emotionally. That always seemed crazy to me. I have only seen a few women in this hobby, but it would be hard for me to get emotionally involved with anyone. I mean no offense to it but how would I as a hobbyist know that you as the provider are being honest with me about your feelings. I see this hobby as like a masquerade. The provider creates a fantasy atmosphere in which the hobbyist can enjoy. After the interlude concludes it is up to me to program myself back to reality. That is the draw to this business. It is a break from reality. Why mess that up?
I agree. Much of what this hobby is about is healing and creating a fantasy. I love doing that. I love the escape it provides for myself as well. You know, oddly enough I had a session with a guy today and we really clicked. The moment he walked in the door he took me back so to speak. To make a long story short, I acted like a silly girl from highschool. lol Controlling those feelings and appreciating one another for who we are is a given with me but I have to admit, I will think about him for a long long time.
As far as whether to tell someone or not, is a rather complicated issue. I am glad to have an SO who is not a hobbyiest. He is 100% supportive of my job. I have often thought of what I would do if faced with being single and in the dating scene. Keri, use your best judgement in the situation you are in. Go with your gut instincts and you will do what is right every time.
I see a cock that needs sexual healing and usually on a daily basis. It is unfortunate for guys that either have a wife or not that do not get that necessary relief for them. Testosterone can do some pretty evil things is what I think for a few guys that have little control. Most have control, but become irritable and live a bit on the negative side until they can slide into a pu$$y, mouth, or better yet the a$$. I have much respect for that portion of manhood. I am glad I am not with high levels of testosterone as men are. And I bet guys are probably glad they are not with high levels of estrogen (hormones that may bring evil out of females that have little control). One good thing about testosterone is it keeps majority of males from getting osteoporosis. The other good thing (in my opinion) about testosterone is I get a lot of sex due to it and therefore a lot of orgasms for me.
But, they must have relief and I do not look down upon or see it as being a negative thing for a man to do what is best for him and for those in his personal/professional life (that will not have to deal with him being an a$$hole without the relief).
I do not date a guy and will not. One of the reasons is that how is dating fair to the many guys that pay your bills? If a guy knows you are in the hobby (especially if that is how he met you), then he should never stop giving the provider funds for what he was giving her funds for before. Usually a boyfriend is high maintenance and demands more than what you are willing to do. If he expects the same GFE that other "boyfriends" are paying for, then he should pay as well. That is if he has respect for your profession. I met a guy at a bank I used to work at. We liked each other a lot, went to dinner, had sexual relations too (the first time I had orgasm from penentration at 24 with an attorney almost twice my age). We do not have these relations since back when I was started out in this line of work. We still communicate, but we respect each others professions. I do not call him for legal advice and he does not call me for sexual healing either. We may chat about the pleasures of our work, but that is it. If I needed him for his profession, then I would pay him as much and probably more than what his rate is. It is because I really care about him. Outside of him, respect is what makes me pay for services provided to me no matter if they are a friend or someone I have just met. I never want to make another person feel cheap. No matter how much fun they have providing you services or if it was hard work for them either way, they should be paid their normal rate and more if applicable (I usually tip, makes me feel good inside).
So, I say if you date someone and go to dinner is a good thing If you can find that time without neglectings those that are paying your bills. But, if that person wants that GFE stuff (that Keri is famous for), then he should pay like others wanting her GFE. Otherwise, no matter how many times her pu$$y was pleased, she will (in my opinion) feel cheap afterwards if she is not paid for her talents (and she has many talents). What makes the one guy any more special than the guys paying her bills? I say everyone is equal and we all bleed the same (some do not stop bleeding easily, but for the most part all the same). I say one guy should pay for it, then every guy doing it should pay for it so that nobody feels used afterwards. Some take payment in different ways (not me) such as bartering, maybe this boyfriends is a builder that can do things around her house for her and she pays him with sexual healing. I hope my point is taken nicely here and nobody is offended. It is my honest feelings about dating. Keri already knows this. I do not know whether or not she agrees with my philosophy as most seem not to. She does respect my ideas and that is all I desire in that regard. I desire many things of her physically but respect her time and would never ask her to let me eat her outside of a paid session. That would be disrepectful of me and using her time that she should be paid for. I should then pay her, then that would be maybe awkward for us. Hmmm. My mind is now wondering.
Jolie (Keri, can I be your boyfriend for a day, what human would not want to be that?)
-- Modified on 10/30/2003 9:59:18 AM
I respect your opinion and agree with in some ways. I think that the only way a boyfriend is different is that he helps carry the emotional baggage that comes in ANY relationship. We hobbyists buy ourselves out of that side of the business. I agree that sex is not free. But I don't think that the only way to pay for sex is to give up the green. That is where the boyfriend or girlfriend comes in. He or she may lend a helping hand after a bad day, be your shoulder to cry on, even lending some of their expertise from past experiances. Jolie, you are right in the fact that sex is not free. I think you are the exception to the rule in this business. You do not see clients as cocks. I think after reading your reviews that all of those guys feel as though for the time you two were together that he was your boyfriend. That is the true definition of a true gfe. I hope to see you soon.
joe
This profession can also be healing for the providers. Not taking any negative toll on her body, mind, spirit or there was something else mentioned too (forgot). But, certain readers get the idea. It can be a positive toll on your body and all that. It depends on how you look at it. I do not know any two people that see everything in life the same as the other. This is just my view on it, not meaning it is the accurate one. I see my work as being a positive thing for my body and all the other things mentioned in FoxThatRocks post.
-- Modified on 10/30/2003 10:10:52 AM
And got to play a bit on my own. Then it wouldn't be awkward at all, would it?
Bill
Can't say I quite unserstand what this all means. Absolutely a new twist to the original question.
One issue could, lack of self confident men. Well some me think they are selfconfident because they have a strong opinion or indepth understanding about somethings. In reality, neither of this translates to self confidence in man or woman.
On the other hand knowing oneself, being felexible, not being self-possed,and the ability to adpat, ability to handle oneself with grace and keeping ones mind, eyes and brain open gives one self confidence. Everything else is elementary my dear Watson!
Intersting discussion. Don't see anything different from any other discussion. Some of the problems discussed here is prevalent in all relationship.
IMHO, the issue is always been, someone trying to change someone else, belief, right and and wrong, how to act, not to act and list goes on forever.
One person's truth is another person's lie.
There are no clear answers to any situation involving two human beings, there never will be, the more rules one makes for onself, the more inflexible we become and the more confused and stressed out we get.
Like Brooke eloquently puts it "Go with your Gut".
For me, it comes down to the belief that there's only one person you live with 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You have to be honest with yourself, first, as to what makes you happy. If you try to be someone other than who you really are, then you grow resentful of your S.O. Once you figure all this out for you, obviously the next step is to have open, honest communication with that other person. At that point, it becomes their choice as to whether they want the person that you really are or not. Trying to be what you think your S.O. wants you to be when in your heart, you know it's not really you, only leads to heartache for both of you....
Not sure any human being can pull this one off without getting each others nerves.
I guess, as humans we all like to over do everything we do then, we can't stand it any more. Then we get frustrated, depressed, talk bad about the other person, try to justify that we did everything humanly possible and everything is the other persons fault. One could look at it as : "this is is point where fantasy and reality intersect". well, every one knows the answer to this one.
Unreasonable expectations leads to unreasonable results. Personally, I would not have any problem dating a provider as long it is based on honesty. I don't expect anyone to change, or I believe, I can change anyone. There are some providers I have met, I would like to go out with socailly, and I have never brought up the subject because, most providers think that, your are trying to get something for nothing. This is where the honesty part comes in. Also beleive there is fine line both has to walk, that is neither one should feel, being taken for granted or taken advantage of.
Like any two mature adults, emphasis being on mature, then there should not be any problem provided, neither brings "the well known right and wrong Puritanical Baggage with them".
Just some thoughts leading up to 02C.
A manipulator charmer!
This is a subect is the same subject I have faced in my life, with every single relationship I have had. I've never been married once in my 39 years, because those I haved dated didn't tell me the truth. This includes a former provider. We dated for a year and a half, before I found out, (that not only was she a provider, but married). If she would have just been straight from the start, it would have saved us both a great deal of pain. No, her being a provider didn't matter to me, nor did her being married, its the fact that she lied, about the issues. I for one would gladly date a provider, dancer, or any lady that would, just do one thing...TELL THE TRUTH!!!(probably why I haven't even been out on a date in over 4 years) Maybe its easy for me to be straight forward, (its been said I have all the tact of a nuclear device), I think that more that it is my life experiences, that have brought me to this point. No man or woman is perfect, and nobody can change another person. In all truthfulness, the only way anyone can find love is accepting people for who they are, and for your prospective partener, to accept you for yourself. (read the Serenity Prayer, it has helped me in life, not just my getting clean and sober) If you really care about this guy, be straight with him. If he really cares about you, he will love you, for telling the truth even more...