Or - How to get the ladies to start taking my date requests seriously

There seems to be a good bit of confusion in the hobby on the definition of an "Upscale Gentleman" - yet, they are apparently in great demand.  In fact, almost all ladies want upscale gentlemen clients exclusively these days.  This is causing much anxiety, consternation, constipation, and possibly night terrors for folks not in the know about how to become (or how to identify) a true Upscale Gentleman.  So I've put together an easy to understand (although a bit lengthy) guide on how to enter the prestigious world of the Upscale Gentleman.

As a gift to my Atlanta friends I'm generously giving you this valuable information for free.  You're welcome.  Plus I couldn't get anybody to pay me for it...  Or make an app.  Or a youtube video.  So here you go.  But with great power comes great responsibility - so use this knowledge wisely.

Follow this guide and in no time providers will be throwing their emails, cell numbers, and pm's (not to mention their panties) at you, just begging you to schedule a date with them.  You will know at that point you have finally arrived my friend.  You will be the cream of the crop.  You will be a genuine Upscale Gentleman!

Read each rule and swear as a true Upscale Gentleman you will abide by these very solemn vows.  Actually, Upscale Gentlemen don't swear, but you know what I mean...

As an Upscale Gentleman I vow to ALWAYS:

Take showers and/or baths.  Frequently.  And frequently means more than monthly.  And do it preferably right before seeing the lady of your choice.  Upscale Gentlemen are always fresh as a daisy.  Or a lily.  I can't remember which.

Have good oral hygiene.  Upscale Gentlemen have minty fresh breath and sparkling white teeth.  When you speak, if you wilt flowers at twenty paces then you aren't being upscale.  Or a gentleman.

Dress nicely.  An Upscale Gentleman doesn't show up to his date dressed in his pajamas, or swim trunks and flip flops, or that "Your Mom... Rated 'E' for everyone." t-shirt you've got.  This will not impress the ladies.  Look presentable, well groomed, clean, and fresh.  And stand up straight.  And comb your hair.  And spit out that gum!  Didn't your mother teach you any of these things?

Always have the proper donation and place it in an obvious location immediately upon your arrival.  And three hundred roses does not literally mean three hundred ROSES.  I mean WTF?  Are you stupid?!  Jesus!  Did you not get enough love as a child?  Sorry, I got carried away...  Uh, I was just showing you an example of UNgentlemanly behavior.  As something to avoid of course...

Always arrive and leave promptly at the scheduled time.  An upscale gent is on time.  Even when his date is a bit late.  Which is pretty much always.  Girls... Am I right fellas?  Oh - also, an upscale gent never overstays his welcome.  Don't turn your lady into a clock watcher.  Always be respectful of her busy schedule.

Compliment your lady.  But be classy about it.  Say something like "You look lovely tonight my dear, I highly anticipate retiring to the boudoir so I may partake of your sensual bounty".  No, seriously - the ladies love that kind of stuff.  But don't say anything like  "Please tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes."  That's crass.  Funny, but crass.

Be polite.  This is at the heart of every gentleman.  Say please and thank you.  Be interested in her conversation.  Try not to stare at her boobs constantly as she is talking.  Hold her hand.  Get the door for her.  And don't smack her on the ass as she is walking through it (see things gents don't do - below) - tempting though it is.  Don't say anything like "I think it's time I told you what people have been saying behind your back...  'That's a nice ass!!!'".  Again - funny, but not what we are striving for here as true gents.

Honor the ladies rules and boundaries.  Always.  Pushing past limits - personal, physical, mental, or emotional will get you blacklisted, excommunicated, shunned, spanked (not in a good way), and possibly even tarred and feathered.  And worst of all - you will have to forfeit your "Upscale Gentleman" membership card immediately.  We don't screw around here.  Actually we do - but not about that kind of stuff.

Exemplify decorum, poise, and grace at all times.  
Unlike my angry outburst a few rules ago.  Again, sorry about that.

Be a shining example for hobbyists and for all people in general.  Be the first to lend a hand, give a kind word, and create a smile on someone's face.  Our highest achievement is to make the ladies blush when they think about us and to make the other guys want to be like us.  Or at least not make fun of us so much.

As an Upscale Gentleman I vow to NEVER:

Wear cheap cologne.  Or Axe body spray.  Or Axe body wash.  Or Axe products of any kind.  Or anything out of the bargain bin at Target.  Ok, I admit the whole Axe thing is a bit of a personal vendetta, but I still recommend staying far, far away from the stuff (it kills small animals within a twenty foot radius).  Ok, I'll stop now.  

Make a lady cry.  Ever.  And that includes making her cry by wearing Axe body products (refer to previous rule).  Ok, I guess I had one more in me.  I'm done, no more Axe talk.  For real this time.

Hit a lady.  Ever.  Well, unless you're giving her a smack on the ass in the heat of the moment.  And she's into that.  Oh, and make sure you check she IS into that first before giving it a smack.  Else you will see Fists of Fury.  And I'm not talking about that old Bruce Lee flick.

Choke a lady.  I'm embarassed to even be writing this one.  It is something only pornstars do.  I have no idea why.  But it seems to be all the rage based on porn.  Not that Upscale Gentlemen ever watch porn.  Definitely not.  Not at all.  Well, maybe once in a while.  Just to look for things we shouldn't be doing.  Like choking.  Don't ever do it.  Leave it to the pornstars.  It's not for us Upscale Gentlemen.  And don't ever spit on a lady either.  Seriously, porn - WTF?

Don't ever say to your lady... Call me "the Fireman" cause I turn the hoes on.

Or...  You should sell hotdogs because you sure can make a weiner stand.

Or... Are you a racehorse?  Because when I ride, you'll always finish first.

Upscale Gentlemen don't ever say things like that.  We just don't.  Trust me on that.

Don't ever argue with a lady.  You won't win.  Ever.  Plus, you'll look like a giant douchebag.  And you might even get kicked in the balls.  Ok, probably not - but why risk it?

Don't ever be "that guy".  Don't be a douchebag, creep, asshole, stalker, lunatic, bully, nutjob, wacko, out to lunch (unless you're literally having a quickie during lunch - that's totally fine), nutty as a fruitcake, have a few screws loose, clingy, incompetent, demented, deranged, be in la la land, cuckoo, have bats in the belfry, or be a few fries short of a Happy Meal.  Upscale Gentlemen are never any of those things.  However, we might sometimes be slightly eccentric.  Eccentric is quirky, charming, and endearing.  Usually.  Unless it's really annoying that is.

In summary, if you abide by all of the rules, regulations, laws, bylaws, and cruel and petty whims of the Upscale Gentlemen's Code of Conduct - by the power vested in me (by the State of Confusion) I hearby do pronounce you a proud member of the Upscale Gentlemen's Society (also known as the Order of the Protruding Kilt).

Congratulations!  Now go out and make those ladies swoon!

Swoon.  Yes it's a word.  It's something Upscale Gentlemen make the ladies do.  No, really.  Go look it up.

Gents, please work on your vocabularies before our next meeting

..... um... been saving this question....  but since we seem to be on a related subject... or at least an adjacent space/time continum... been kind of meaning to broach the subject... any thoughts on appropriate "Dutch Oven" ettiquette?

Good question - let me clarify.

An Upscale Gentleman never gives his lady a dutch oven.  Farting under the sheet then holding your partner's head under there is crude and crass.  Again, it can be funny under the right circumstances but a true Gentleman would never do such a thing.  More importantly a good dutch oven requires one person imposing his will on another by forcefully holding his or her head under the cover so they can "savor the flavor" as it were.  

An upscale gentleman NEVER does anything without his partner's consent.  That would break the "honoring boundaries" rule gents must strictly abide by.

And while we're on the topic.  If a gentleman were to break wind he should say "Pardon my unexpected flatulence madam.  I meant no offense to thine olfactory senses.  My deepest apologies." and not "What - did somebody step on a duck?"

Speaking of - an excellent learning tool is to watch the movie "Caddyshack" and to never do anything Rodney Dangerfield's character does in that movie.  He is the perfect example of UNgentlemanly behavior.  Outrageous, hilarious, lovable ungentlemanly behavior.

So watch "Caddyshack" for extra credit.  Well, just watch it anyway - it's a classic.  And don't ever do anything in it and you should probably be ok

Food:
2 chili dogs and a Frosted Orange from the Varsity doesn't count as Fine Dining - unless you're on Concourse C at the ATL airport. I've yet to meet an escort there, at least intentionally.  
Neither does anything involving a burger - even if it's from Flip or Vortex and voted on a 'Best Of' list. Not saying that some ladies don't like this kind of fare, but it's Casual Dining at best.
Research some 'Best of' lists. Any place requiring a jacket (ties are becoming way too optional for me) and have actual salad forks/soup spoons will likely qualify. You too should realize these differences when you are with the lady, lest you look awkward. Gentlemen have manners and know etiquette.

Wine:
 Subscribe to WINE SPECTATOR magazine. There are some very good, cheaper wines, but a Gentleman can speak on the pros and cons of a variety of wines. Having basic food/wine pairing skills helps as well. If reading time is limited, consider one of several 'schools' offering wine tasting/pairing classes all over the area. Also works as a fun date if you have an SO but Hobby on the side.

Lots of humans find Intelligence 'sexy', so a little prep work goes a long way. Never forget that most escorts have a BS-Meter better than the best of cops. Don't underestimate nor under appreciate them.

Otherwise, good list Electron.

ga_kosh


-- Modified on 8/4/2015 1:34:03 AM

for the morning chuckle electronstream. I love your honest sense of humor. Plus, it's nice to know you've mastered how to be an UG and helping your fellow brothers.

Excellent points Kosh.  You are a true Upscale Gentleman.

I'm not a food or wine snob but gents should know good food and drink when they see it.  And eat and drink it of course.

But I'm from the Justin Wilson (Cajun Chef from many years ago) school of wine appreciation.  He used to say "Do you know what's the best kind of wine?...  Why, the kind you like of course!".

That man was a genius.

Thank you Miss Daniels for the kind words.  If I made even one person spit coffee on their monitor then it was worth the effort.  

The idea began when I saw some threads asking what it meant to be an Upscale Gentleman, so of course I had to pick it up and run with it.  Poking fun at myself (and others of my ilk) seems to be something I do exceptionally well.  But good humor has some kernel of truth in it, doesn't it?  Anyway, hopefully it will be funny and helpful to a few folks.

I found out last night what the maximum character limit is on a TER post - 8000 characters.  I was just getting warmed up by then.  8000 characters?  Amateurs.  LOL

But if I had a few more characters to spare I would have added...

I would like to thank all of the lovely, wonderful, and patient ladies of Atlanta for keeping the eye rolling to a minimum as I was working my way to official "Upscale Gentleman" status.  I made a lot of mistakes and missteps but your kindness was (and is) greatly appreciated.

Believe it or not, I haven't always been the debonair, charismatic, juggernaut of manhood you see before you today.

Oh, that reminds me - a true Upscale Gentleman is always humble.

I'm still working on that one.
 

...as mandatory reading!  

This little guide will set expectations for those entering the hobby, expedite their maturity, help them avoid tyro mistakes/stumbles, mitigate negative impact on the hobby due to ignorance, and save the ladies a lot of grief.

For those interested in extending their UG beyond the hobby, Uncle Ben gave us something to aspire to...see attached.

Thanks, E, for making us all a little better.

TONY

... Ditto and Mucho Thankso, Tron!
 
  Having you set us all STRAIT on the finer points of UG has set me on my own personal "UGH" Spirit Quest...  

(purty shure I are goin-ta be wun sumdey!)

-- buz

I meant to mention this in my previous post.  FULL DISCLOSURE: I don't own, receive funds from, nor have any connection to Atlanta Wine School - other than being a repeat client.
 
I have participated in a few wine and/or pairing courses from the nice folks at AWS.  Very Laid Back atmosphere as they share a strip mall, but inside is nice, Likewise, the atmosphere is enjoyable as you generally have a small group of 8-12 in a class. The group usually consists of couples of various relationships as I've met friends, lovers, siblings, and first dates - but I've seen a few nice younger single men and women who simply were there to learn, not hook up. Basically, everyone there is there to learn and have fun, so it's very pleasant after a glass or two.  

Almost all classes are under $100 a piece, with the Beginner's Course being just $50.  I know wine tastings are cheaper, but so are textbooks and the Internet. What you really want to pay for the Prof. The guys at AWS are motivated by repeat and referral business - not tenure - so I can assure you that you'll get a good value.  

I know there are other places to learn, and some offered by restaurants and wineries, but AWS does not appear to be motivated by pushing product on you - though you can make purchases if you wish.  

In fact, there's a Beginner's class this Wednesday night.  Below is a link to the  "All Classes" Page.

Enjoy!
ga_kosh

P.S. Electron, never forget "Put a lil sher in da pot, anna lil sher in da class... maybe a lil mo in da glass."
Justin Wilson was one of a kind.

-- Modified on 8/4/2015 3:01:58 AM

Thanks Tony.  I appreciate your vote of confidence.

Also the link to BF's virtuous life tips.  

Also your post the other day on friendship was excellent.  We should put that as an addendum to the UG Code of Conduct.  Well done!
 

You are very welcome.  Keep watching, learning, asking questions, and practicing and I have no doubt you will join the ranks soon.  Remember, being an upscale gentleman is more a state of mind than anything else.

Yes, flatulence etiquette could be a whole chapter in the Upscale Gentleman's Guide.

It is a normal bodily function but addressing it amongst mixed company can be awkward.  It is the elephant in the room no one wants to talk about.

And sometimes it smells like an elephant's in the room too.  Phew!!!
 

I appreciate the list(s) you compiled...however some gals seem to think that without evidence in writing that some of the guys simply didn't attend the necessary classes to achieve the CUG credential.

Also...a gentleman never tells electron...hide those reviews  

ob,

Welcome.  I have been expecting you.  As it was your post that inspired this one after all.  Although, I have been thinking for a while it would be quite humorous (and possibly even helpful) to put together a "So you want to be an Upscale Gentleman?..." tutorial.  So here we are.

I'm sure there are many schools of thought on which is the one true path to Upscale Gentlemanship.  But this is the one - you have my word on it.  Don't listen to charlatans, hucksters, and ne'er do wells that would sell you the path the Gentlemanhood.  This advice is offered willingly, openly, and with a warm heart.  This advice is free (and worth about as much).

Believe the true path the UG walks, he must walk alone.  With virtue, integrity, and honor his vigilant companions.  Sure, he is driven by lust, sexual craving, and wanton desire.  He's a pussy hound, no doubt about it.  But an honorable pussy hound.  Therein lies the difference.

So, the certificate you seek, Bob - lives in your heart.  A piece of paper would mean nothing to a gent of true integrity.  As the only the symbol of living the life of an Upscale Gentleman is walking the one true path.

But if you require the false security of a worldly document, I will be happy to provide you one.  Just send $29.95 via paypal to:
[email protected]

And the certificate is suitable for framing...

Yes - I didn't touch on the topic of reviews as that will have to be covered in an advanced class.  It is true that many are of the opinion that gentlemen don't kiss and tell.

This is a religious debate that we can discuss at the next Upscale Gentleman's Society meeting.  But for the moment my counterargument is this...

Sometimes that pussy is just so good you have to tell the world about it.

In the most respectful way possible, of course.

Dammit big E, We're all supposed to be quiet of our sessions and not let you read our reviews? Sorry, had to make that joke.

Seriously though, I like your answer and the BS-meter thing Kosh mentioned.  

The only piece of paper I've ever had to show an escort was my Driver's License. I've never been asked to display my "Real Gentleman" merit badge (I would say I lost it, but I never got one to begin with is more honest).  

I think Bob will be ok if he simply shows proof of his CUG skills through his actions. Papers can be forged. If he doesn't want to pay you $29.95 plus S&H, he can make up his own CUG and show it off.  

Hell, he could also make his own "Bob.Sugar Certified Grade A" for her if he wants, but he has to be careful of treating women like pieces of meat - which I think was the point of your thread.

Remember: "Actions which speak louder than Words"... except those moments when she's screaming my name and the neighbors scream back and pound on the walls that we should STFU because we're waking them up.  But that's a different thread.

trying to put the Man back in Gentleman,
Harry

some years ago there was a post about an experience from a gentleman who while performing DATY the young lady dropped a "silent killer" and his post asked what would you do in the same situation. There was not 1 single reply. I was in tears laughing at his description. So all you UG's, what would you do?

I started that OP due to the gals posting of this "requirement" on their sites.  I'm afraid that simply telling a gal that we're UG simply doesn't seem to fly anymore.  I am in desperate search of an accredited organization that will fulfill the obligations and course structure that the preponderance of ladies actively seek out.

It has also come to my attention that the gals that seem to need this certification are also gals that are deemed classy and world travelers.  

I'm thinking that it may be time for the Sugar Foundation to create a new foundation that mongers alike can attend...successfully complete the necessary courses so that there are no future issues in seeing those classy women.

I am sure that the classy women would never call us tricks.  Remember...trix are for kids  

Oddly enough those really classy women have lots of reviews as well.  I trust that most were not written by them to suggest they are worldly and especially classy.  But since UG don't kiss and tell...I have to assume that those reviews are written by unqualified mongers?

Why would you do that?  Sheesh...you should contact my offices immediately to be one of the first to sign up for the certification program that I've decided to invest in.  If you hurry...the first 500 mongers who pre-pay (the low low introductory price of $ 10,000) will also get up to $ 300 off the Masters certification of UG.  And you'll also get a nice toaster oven as a thank you.

I'm sorry about electrons misnomer about the value of this certification.  Don't be fooled by imitators...but $ 29.95 simply won't get you the certificate that the really classy gals are now demanding.  And we'll also use your fake name in 24k gold on the certificate so you won't need to display your drivers license.  No classy woman can refuse this beautifully adorned certificate from the world renowned Bob.Sugar Certification Program for Upscale Gentleman.

There is a separate seminar on the not so classy women that really do like to be treated as sluts.  Heck...I think some of them are also classy women...but shhhh...certified UG don't kiss and tell  

Hurry Harry...be the first in your neighborhood to display this proud certificate.  You'll be the envy of all.

It's a free market economy, and you being the entrepreneur you are I understand your position.  If there are saps...  uh, I mean hard working gents that want to spend big bucks on a certification program, by all means levy the Sugar Foundation's impressive prestige and power to make it so.

What I was trying to do was have a homespun, grass roots campaign for educating the masses.  If you continue on your current path I will be forced to think of you as "Big Gent".  Much as we loathe big things nowadays (like Big Pharma) you also might incur the wrath or derision of the common man.  As you will become "The Man".  Are you ok with being "The Man", Bob?

And I hope you will sleep soundly at night on top of those huge piles of cash you will be making.

We'll just stand over here with our dignities intact.

Right guys?

Guys?...

Well maybe folks do want some institutionalized UG certification as well as ID to show their UG status.  Hmmm...  

Does Luke Skywalker need a card to prove he has the Force?  Does the Terminator need a card prove he's a badass?  Does Gandalf need a card to prove...  he can do whatever it is he does (haven't quite figured it out)?

No, I think we'll agree to disagree on this one.  I think a true Upscale Gentlelady will be able to sense a true Upscale Gentleman.  Much like the Force.  That's the world I want to live in.  A world where people trust one another.

Oh, and where there are cool mystical forces and stuff like that...

As far as the other comment about reviews, you state it as if it is a forgone conclusion that gentlemen don't write reviews.  Don't be so hasty in your judgement.  Let me sum up my opinion...

On the don't review side we have...
Gentlemen don't kiss and tell.

On the do review side we have...
Gentlemen contribute to their community.  Arguably one of the most important ways we contribute is to write reviews.

Gentlemen are honest.  Gents should be able to be trusted to provide (to the best of their ability) an honest account (of fictional events of course.   ).

Gentlemen should not be afraid to show that they are behaving like true gents.  Hence, review writing becomes an important feedback mechanism for keeping Upscale Gents at the highest possible caliber.

So, I argue that to write (or not write) reviews should be up to each individual Upscale Gent.  It is a personal decision each should make and it should not factor into his Gentleman status

Sounds like you miss the free love in the 60's....and that's OK.  That generation did indeed shape the world we now live in.

But as they grew up...the reality hit that smoking dope and dancing naked just wasn't going to be a career path...for most anyhow  LOL

As well, most people are inherently dishonest. Particularly in this game we play.  I don't make the rules...just try my best to understand them.  You can ask the gals how they actually feel about most reviews...and dishonesty and narcissism is pervasive there.  Nothing wrong with any of that...people love to read BS (heck..those are my initials)...especially if there's something about sex...or scandal.

I'm fine with being Bob (The Man) Sugar.  It pays for lots of fun stuff...like the gal below.

An interesting question.  I have not had this happen (fortunately), but it is a valid situation to pose to true gents everywhere.

On the one hand we must have the lady's feelings in mind.  Being gentlemen and all.  So if we can, we shouldn't hurt her feelings.

But on the other hand we have our own health, well being, and self preservation to consider.  SBD attacks have been known to knock a victim unconscious or even to paralyze.  Like nerve gas.

Scenario 1
Once my mom made tuna casserole and it was bad.  I mean really awful.  As in our dog wouldn't eat it.  But I knew it would hurt her feelings if I didn't eat it.  So I did.  And it was awful.

But you know something - hurting her feelings would have been much worse.

So - power on through.  As Big Joe wisely recently quoted Nietzsche - "What does not kill us makes us stronger."  And as bad as it is it won't kill you.  

Probably.

Scenario 2
Say you have a leg cramp and excuse yourself to the bathroom.  Find something nice smelling and smear it under your nose.  You know like they do in all those CSI shows.  Then get back to work.  Like a boss.

Scenario 3
Feign a heart attack.  Just play dead.  It might upset her but after a few minutes hopefully she will start mouth to mouth.  Which will of course turn into a nice dfk session (like in the movies).  You can thank her for saving your life, ask to get some cold water from the fridge (to evacuate the premises).  She's a hero, you're a hero, everyone's a hero.

So try one of those to see what happens.  Or invent your own scenario and post about it here.  It will be a great learning experience.  Not to mention hilarious.
 

A true gentleman would tell her that she cut a fart...bring her in for a whiff as well.  YOU know she knows that she let one loose as well.

I guess she is still a classy lady?  LOL

I prefer honesty here...starting with names.  I do believe that there's only been one gal who used her real name here.  All the others are lying from the get go.

It's a conundrum  

Yes, I would like to meet her.  She looks hot.

What was the question?...  

Oh yeah - everyone is dishonest.

I don't think so.  I think people are basically decent if you give them half a chance.  And I certainly haven't been wildly disappointed in this hobby world.  In fact I've found the folks - boys and girls -to be pretty darn cool around here.

Either I've been lucky, or done my homework well, or gone out of my way to treat others fairly (or all of the above) but I haven't found much dishonesty.  In fact, I would say I've been treated very well overall.

I don't deny there are folks in the world that have a "I'm going to screw them first before they screw me" mentality.  But I haven't had the bad fortune to run across that many of them.

   

Ok, ok - hold your high horses there.  No need to throw the "D" word around (Dishonesty).  Let's play it your way as a thought experiment...

Scenario 4 - Brutal Honesty or Don't (Bob) Sugar coat things

Tell her that her farts smell.  And rub her nose in it like a dog.  Problem solved.

Until she runs into the bathroom crying and locks the door.

Do you have an exit strategy?  
Or did you bring a good book?
Oh, and you might also be on a blacklist now as she's probably on her phone right now telling all her friends what an enormous douchebag you are.

You sure that's really the strategy you recommend?

Certainly not...as I said most people are dishonest.  That is not to suggest they are disingenuous.  A brief peek at your reviews confirms that every hooker you've seen is dishonest (none of them have used their real names).  However...you enjoyed your time with them.  I also doubt your real name is electron.  And trust me...I am not really Bob.Sugar   LOL

I'm sure you also were told stories from gals you've seen.  Are they true?  Not likely...but they are entertaining and meant to be for the purpose of killing time and making that "connection".  Nothing wrong with that, but it is not true either.

Hell...even in LTR most lie to each other.  All you need do is peruse the boards and read about the guys going to extreme lengths to hide their activities here from their wife/SO/GF.  Doesn't make that monger a bad guy...just that he's a liar.

I've been playing P4P for decades now.  Rarely have I met someone I really didn't enjoy spending time with.  Were they, or are they liars?  Absolutely.  Especially when I've gotten to know them better.  But that can be said for anyone that I just meet.  Heck...people at black tie affairs will talk your ear off...all the while making up shit for entertainment only.

I'm pissed I missed that fuckfest known as the 60's.  I was too young to actually have played in that world.  But the late 70's and 80's weren't so bad either.  Plenty of gals would fuck just for fucks sake.

Most people prefer to avoid confrontation.  I get that.

However, if some woman is going to let loose a fucking fart that smells like dead people...you better believe that she's going to own it.  Either that or I've got to fess that it was me...or are you suggesting that there's more than just the two of us in the room?

If playing around and just "laughing" about a fart is a problem...sounds like it's much more of a YOUR problem.  Honestly...owning my shit (or fart in this case) has never been a problem for me.  I expect others to be mature and own theirs as well.

Have I offended people with my blunt approach?  You betcha.  

Last I also checked is I pay someone to have fun with.  If she gets offended because SHE let loose the deadly fart bomb...oh well.  If you honestly, damn...there's that little word again...think that I'd pay someone to hide in the bathroom because she was embarrassed about letting loose...think again.  If it's a chronic problem...no sweat.  We can get together another time...when she takes the Bob.Sugar recommended "Fart Emulsifier".  

I'm guessing you've never lived with women.  

...an OG. There's a totally different code of ethics with the two

xoxo
Caylee