A man and his wife were working in their garden one day when the man looked over at his wife and said, "Your butt's getting huge. I bet it's bigger than the barbecue." With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill. Then he went over to where his wife was working and measured her butt. "I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!" The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband felt a little frisky, and he started to make some advances toward her. She pushes his hand away. The husband asked "whats wrong", "nothing" she said. He tried again and got the same reaction. He said "something has to be wrong, why are you giving me the cold shoulder". She replied, "What do expect me to do? fire up this big-ass grill for one little weene?
Pierre (P) and Suzette (S) are beginning their lovemaking when S asks P:
S: What do you plan to do to me today? P: First, I will kiss you deeply S: But Pierre, zis you always do! P: Zen I will suck both nipples until zey are like pebbles S: Ah Pierre, zis you always do also P: Next I will lick your belly button S: But Pierre, you always do that to me P: From zee inside?
Two country Boy's walking down the road, Saw a Goat in a pasture. One of the Guy's grabbed the goat stuck it's Head in the fence an screwed it. Looked at the other Guy an ask if he wanted some, He said sure your not putting my Head in the fence.
When on a sales call a man was sitting talking to a woman who had a dish of peanuts on the table. As he made his sales pitch he helped himself to peanut after peanut and finally at the end of the meeting he realized he had eaten them all and said, "I'm sorry, I've eaten all your peanuts!" she said, "That's ok, I just like to suck the chocolate off of them anyway"
Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?" His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" said Dad. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
A mother is giving her three year old son a bath. As kids that age will do he is splashing, pulling things, and pushing things. He reached down and grabbed his pecker and said mommy is this my brain. She said "Not yet son"
Two elderly people living in a senior citizen home got to be pretty good friends and finally decided they were going to rub peepees. They go to his room and start to get undressed. She starts to worry about her heart conditions, so she says "I have acute angina." And he says "That's good cause you got the two ugliest tits I've ever seen"
Unfortunately it looks like your attempt to purchase VIP membership has failed due to your card being declined. Good news is that we have several other payment options that you could try.
VIP MEMBER
, you are now a VIP member!
We thank you for your purchase!
VIP MEMBER
, Thank you for becoming VIP member!
Membership should be activated shortly. You'll receive notification!
