Is there something you can do when someone writes a review about you and says things that just aren't true?

I have been in the business for two years, but this is my first experience with ever being part of an online community, and right now, I have to say it's been incredibly hurtful to me, and I don't know if I will continue to visit.

I request that people I spend time with don't write "reviews", either positive,negative,or indifferent. I feel it is indiscrete, and lacking in a certain sort of delicacy to publicise things that are meant to be private. I understand, from a business aspect, how they might be necessary. I also understand how a review from someone who didn't respect your wishes, wasn't happy with you, or just didn't connect with you can unfairly influence other people who may have been interested in seeing you. It is one thing to read things that someone has to say about you which are hurtful. It's another to read things that are,at the very least, indelicate, or just completely untrue, and to not be able to respond. It is very reminiscent of all those high school rumours and locker room conversations that go around about everyone.

I work in the performing arts, and am not unaccustomed to being "reviewed". I am not unable to deal with the fact that maybe someone out there just didn't enjoy my appearance,personality,or spending time with me. What I can't deal with is reading certain things about myself that are exceptionally hurtful and I am not even supposed to respond to. What I can't deal with is when people who may have been friends of mine in the future call to cancel appointments based on one person's subjective opinion, or things that are not true at all.

I really wasn't expecting this as part of my online experience, and I am simply very hurt by it. I am really a very gentle and sensitive woman, and wasn't necessarily prepared to recognise that being a part of a community like this one means that not everyone will respect your wishes and your privacy, and some people may have things to say about you that are not positive, that you and other people are going to have to read and pay attention to.

So,thank you to everyone who has been so helpful,positive,and supportive,and to all the new friends I've met, both online and in person...but I don't think I will be back here. I just wasn't prepared to have someone make me cry as a result of being here.

*Hugs*,
*~ Angelique

That would be my suggestion.  Sometimes, people can be real A-holes, but a lot of the guys here are not.  (BTW, who is your mentor and what does she/he say about this?)  Its hard to get the reviews changed (I have nothing to do with it), its been to my experience that a good provider will generate many more good reviews, which in a way, dis-proves the one or two that might be lies or intended to hurt that provider (hiding behind a computer and trying to hurt someone is classic computer community stuff in or out of this hobby).  

On the other hand, if a new provider comes on runs an ad-charges near top dollar-gets one bad review then leaves-well, I don't have to spell it out for you.  Let me just say, we have a list of providers like this (thanks to my man Ivory).  Bottomline, in my opinion, $$.5 is a bit of change especially these days.  

Personally, it does not escape me how hard some providers work to build up their business by computer: running ads, participating in chats and discussions, creating real websites and running ads on eros.  This is not a hobby for fools nor is this community.  I hope you hang in there.  Have the guys who see you write reviews.  Its that easy.  The truth will set you free.  I've seen far to many providers (good providers) overcome one or two hurtful reviews to establish themselves, but--if you decide to leave, I hope things get better for you.  Take care!

-- Modified on 4/14/2003 5:38:09 AM

-- Modified on 4/14/2003 5:41:12 AM

-- Modified on 4/14/2003 2:47:18 PM

-- Modified on 4/15/2003 5:09:30 AM

I am sorry your first review did not go well, but that is what we do here, although reviews  should be fair and accurate and not unnessarly mean Also in the long run you are still better off staying on the board. Not only does the board provide free exposure but it gives us a change to get to know you on  a little more personal level. Many of us like to see the providers that frequent the boards since we know they at least care what we think. But you have to take the bad with the good. Good reviews can greatly increase biz while bad reviews can hurt. But as a performer you know reviews are not personal there just one person's opinion. ( just think simon on american idol).

On the other hand even if they seem hurtful, it is probably in your best interest to consider the things the review mentioned. I read the review and did not find it to be mean spirted. But bottom line is if you are a good provider the reviews should even out.





-- Modified on 4/14/2003 12:01:03 PM

I read it too and while I don't think it was mean spirted by intent, the effect was the same.  My opinion, and it is my opinion, is that there are better ways to say, the chemistry wasn't there.  Also if the lady asked him not to write a review, he should have honored that request.  Let's face it regardless of the fact that this is a business transaction, there are personalities, feelings, and emotions involved.  I think all the reponses here are good and honest ones and hopefully they will make this young lady feel we are worth while.  Maybe some of the other ladies should step up with a comment or two before this get's dropped.

Hi, Angelique:

TER is a review site, so if you connect with this community, you should expect to get reviewed.  Good providers I have been with encourage reviews, as it is good promotion for them.

I like what you had to say on your web site.  It is creative, intelligent, and sensitive, qualities that are not too common in "the hobby".  However, your pictures don't show too much so it's hard to judge whether the recent review that upset you was accurate or not.  I did not consider that review to be deliberately hurtful to you, but of course the review was not directed at me so I really have no right to tell you how you should feel.

More revealing pics on your web site might contradict the view of the reviewer in question.  Also, encouraging positive reviews and having them posted would provide additional information for potential clients.

Hope this is useful.

The best way to overcome a "bad" review is with a good one.  No provider is going to be for every hobbyist.  We all have our own niches that we fit into.  You just have to find yours.  Bowing out simply because someone posted a not-so-good review of your services would seem a bit suspicious to me.  

When I first came to this board, I encouraged hobbyists to post reviews so that I could become established.  Reviews bring attention to a provider from people who know what the hobby is about and, for the most part, are accustomed to the procedures followed.  

Also speaking from a provider stand-point, reviews are very important to me for both personal satisfaction and business purposes.  IMHO, reviews are like the "Consumer's Digest" of the hobby.  When I receive a review, it lets me know what areas I excel in and what areas require improvement.  Not only that, but it also helps hobbyists to know what services I offer without me having to discuss it with them, which in turn makes me feel more comfortable seeing them.  

In closing Lady Angelique, my advice to you is to be tenacious.  The truth will eventually come out.  The review that you received wasn't horrible, but perhaps it was a little on the harsh side.  Learn what you can from it.  Find ways to improve from it.... Use it as a tool to drive you to be better.  But, the most important thing is to HAVE FUN!!!

Jaclyn

-- Modified on 4/14/2003 3:15:50 PM

If my first review would have read like that...I would have cried too. If there are blatant lies you might get somewhere by emailing the TER staff.  Please read the board called TER Mailbag before you compose an email to the staff.  There are tales of woe from those who flew off the handle and decided to bite the hand that feeds.

I am making no claims at being an expert nor am I offering advice. I have been paying attention and can tell you how it has been for me. I still consider myself new to this community, joined at the end of January this year. A few years ago, I was an agency girl. Moved to Atlanta and had a regular 9-5 for the last few years. Then circumstances prompted me to get back in the biz. After finding this board and a few other places I cannot publicly tell you the incredibly good difference in the calibre of the gentlemen, the ladies and the experiences. Being an open forum with readily available information seems to raise the bar for the men and women.  The truth always reigns. Like Jaclyn says this is like a Consumer Reports.  It seems unrealistic to hope that you can pick and choose what parts of TER you want to be a part of.  In other words you can't use it to generate interest and not expect reviews to be written.  If you conduct yourself as if each person you see will walk right out the door and write about you, you should be fine. Really - isn't your house always cleaner when you know company is coming? Hang in there, from one newbie to another this really is a good place to be.