I want to explore submissive play with the lady being the submissive. I am not into pain but more of the passion to be focused on pleasing me but the control being with me. I've been reading stories on Literotica like this one, http://www.literotica.com/s/emily-ch-01-4.

I know there needs to be significant trust for this to happen with a hobbyist so here're my questions:
1.  When can I expect to discuss this in detail with a lady when most, if not all ads, state no explicit talk?
2.  Is it reasonable to expect this type of play on the first date?  
3.  I understand this is a YMMV situation but what does it take to establish the trust for this type of play, which could include restraints.

I am not a newbie and have seen more ladies than the number of my reviews show but this is uncharted territory and want to be sensitive to doing the best and right thing with our ladies.  You are welcome to respond here or PM and THANKS in advance.

Z.