Dad jokes ❤️

"What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!"

"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."

If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?

I'm a Dad
I fix things
I know things
That's how it is!

An impasta 😂😂😂

Eric the Red took his family for a sail.  He and his son Rudolph argued heatedly about a distant cloud - Eric saying it was fog and Rudolph insisting it was rain.  Ms. Red intervened, telling Eric that Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.

I can't use those post-mounted ball washers.  My legs are too short.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.  
I told him, I don’t think they have what you’re looking for.

I saw this the other day

If you’re Russian going into the bathroom and you’re Finnish coming out, what are you while you are in there?

European

Scientists @ UGa spent 34 years studying bird poop to try to determine what the white stuff was in it, without success.
Tech scientist took over an issued a full report the next day. Their findings ‘it’s bird poop too’.

Why does a duck have feathers? To cover its butt quacks.

A young gentleman finally gets a date with a beautiful girl but is worried what they will talk about so he asks her friends about her interests. The night of the date comes and he starts the conversation with "Do you know a slice of banana cream pie costs only 1 dollar in the Bahamas but a 1.50 in the Cayman Islands?" and "did you know that apple pie costs 2 dollars in the Florida Keys but 5 dollars in St. Thomas?" She said "that's very interesting but why are you telling me this?" The gentleman replied "I was told you were a big fan of the pie rates of the Caribbean."