Friend of mine emailed me an article about the best pick-up lines being something as simple as "Hello" or "Excuse me, is this seat taken?" and I wondered
"Why doesn't anyone make a list of the Worst opening/first/pickup lines you've ever used or heard?"
There really isn't a decent one out there, so I turn to you, my TER brothers and lovers, for your reaction. I'll go first.
The worst one used On Me was by a provider (late 1990s, pre-TER days) who must've thought I looked like a LEO: "Excuse me Officer, would you mind showing me your badge?" to which I replied "Show me yours and I'll show you mine." She later claimed I was more handsome than other clients and her first thought I was too good to be true. I figured it was my demeanor, my close cropped hair, and that she was full of it and too embarrassed to admit her mistake.
worst line used By Me: "Well Helllloooo, Nurse!" I know, hardly original, but to my credit she was wearing a skintight nursing outfit at a DragonCon - so I gave into temptation.
My worst: "Excuse me, would you like a fish sammich?" said in my best Leon Phelps impersonation. It does not work when the lady has not seen The Ladies Man.. so she doesn't get the reference/joke. Since it isn't taken as a joke, it must be a pickup line - right?
Her worst: "I'll give you a blowjob if you buy me a drink" said by the most shitfaced college coed/ young woman I'd ever met. A quick glance at the bartender re-assured me that she had already been cut off and just needed a cab to get home.
"Bet you're wondering: Is that a dildo in his pocket or is he just happy to meet me?"
Missed: One lady said "It's a bit small to be a dildo, I'm hoping it's an egg vibrator b/c I love those." (shrinkage ensued) Another "Oh, there's actually something in your pocket?"
Hit: "Would you call me a slut if I said I hope the answer is "both"?" Nope, I'd call you a Winner!
As I was standing in a very crowded nightclub (known for cougars on Roswell Rd =) ) I told this 40 yr old blonde who was complaining she didn't have a place to sit....As long as I have a face, you have the best seat in the house. She laughed and was in her new favorite seat a half hour later....
got laid more than any human I've known and we had lots of great times partnering in the hunt. Believe it or not, this was a sort of instant filter line - a smile and you were off to the races.
and it turned out that we had fucked only 24 hours before. Did I mention I was shitfaced???
At first I didn't believe her, but she knew my name, room number and how big my dick was. Hard to argue with facts like those. So we went upstairs and fucked again. So I guess it wasn't such a bad line afterall, once she got over being pissed that I didn't remember her at least. lol
Truth be told, I spent so many drunken weekends in CR that it was rather common for me to forget just which chicas I had or had not had sex with, but I usually managed to remember them for more than 24 hours.
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