I like playing with sexual dynamics and control.  Usually during a session I'm fairly dominant, but I like switching it up now and then and play a cooperative (if not downright submissive) role just to keep things interesting.  It's another reason I like role play - you can put your partner in a more submissive (or dominant) role just to see how you both like it.  You never know.  I've sometimes been pleasantly suprised to put submissive girls in a dominant role, and dominant girls in a submissive one.  

So on the topic of meeting expectations, I have a couple of questions...

Guys - do you consider yourself dominant or submissive?,  Do you look for the opposite quality in a lady (dom guy seeks sub girl)?, do you pick up cues from her ad, pm, email, reviews, etc. that tell you she is more dom or sub?  How do you feel (heh) her out before meeting?  And how do you make your expectations clear for what you want during your session?

Gals - do you consider yourself sexually dominant or submissive?  Or do you like both (switch) depending on your mood and the particular gentleman?  Do you like a guy being clear on what he expects during a session?  Do you prefer your opposite sexual type or do you just say "the clent is always right"?  Provided he's not too rough, of course.  Unless you are into that.  

So give me your thoughts.
For the subs - Do it now!  Don't make me tell you again.
For the dom/mes - Please?  But only if it's something you really want to do...

:-

How intimidated I am by the women. lol. Im sure that sounds crazy but sometimes I'm very confident and ready to have my way with someone and then sometime I meet them and I'm intimidated or my confidence goes to hell. I guess a lot of it depends on their personality.

.....I am both to some degree, sometimes I am dominant, as I feel the need or desire from my partner and on occasion I suppose a little more so upon the request of my partner.  Mostly I am submissive at least in the regard that I love to be USED and USED WELL though I am not a Trampoline and I really do not enjoy that however, I do enjoy it HARD with the right SKILLED partner.   I do not have a Type of sexual partner that I prefer, I tend to want to provide the most I can and receive the most I can with what I have on hand, everyone is different.  I am extremely sensitive and MULTI-MULTI Orgasmic so I am fortunate that I typically receive a great deal of pleasure, though on occasion so much pleasure can become somewhat painful. The Client is never "always right" and I do not have a problem with voicing a little "whoa up there" when necessary the vast majority have been very sensitive to this and I have been extremely fortunate that I have not had a Bad Partner that stands out in my mind.   Just use it like YOU OWN IT or do it for you..  
"i aime à avaler tout"............suzee

Understood.  And it's not crazy at all, it's one of the reasons I was asking.  Sexual dynamics (and sexual chemistry) is a very complex and magical thing.  I guess that's where the term "dynamic" comes in.  

The counterbalance to being intimidated is having confidence in yourself.  Which requires experience...  with women.  Which requires confidence in yourself.  Which comes from experience with women.  Hmmm...  Do you see a circular argument forming here?

I would say I have a high confidence in myself and (relatively) high experience level in the bedroom arts.  I have always been able to easily carry on a conversation with women - even very beautiful ones.  It's called being naturally chatty.  And even with all that going for me I still sometimes find myself with a girl and think "what in the world have I gotten myself into?"  LOL.  Some girls have something I would classify as "sexual charisma" - which is extremely attractive by definition, but can be overpowering in certain circumstances.  It may be where the term "maneater" came from.

Ok, one way to handle all of this hobby stress (and stress in general) is managing expectations.  Let me give you an example.

Many years ago when I was young and barhopping my friends were interested in how I was fairly successful in getting girls' numbers.  I said I have no idea, I just go up to a girl, talk to her like she's a real human being and voila - she gives me her number.  Well, my friends were so focused on getting a girl's number that any other outcome was considered failure.  And that stress exhibits itself as having no confidence in yourself.  Which girls detect like blood in the water for a shark.  

When I told my friends to just introduce themselves to a girl and have a conversation and not focus on getting her number things went much, much better.  They began thinking of the goal as having a nice conversation with a pretty girl.  Getting her phone number was a very nice extra, but not the primary goal.  My friends thought I was frickin' genius.  Lol.

Most guys (including myself) are so competitive and goal oriented we set ourselves up for failure and disappointment.  We do it to ourselves.  But guys - my gift to you - just set reasonable goals.  You'll live a happier life.

And what all that means in a hobby context is this...

Fastforward to... you are in bed with your provider of choice.  She is sexy, lovely, skilled, and very, very, very willing.  That's what we guys call "a sure thing".  It's the Holy Grail of sexual conquests.  So relax and enjoy.  And think about your goals and what's going to happen.  Don't worry about sexual gymastics or impressing her in bed or not being able to perform well.  Be yourself.  And just set this goal - "We are going to have a great time."  Oh, and "I'm going to get off big time."  Lol.

If you've done your homework I would put your odds better than 90% of achieving exactly that goal.  You will leave with a spring in your step and a smile on your face.  So be happy in that.  And enjoy yourself.  :-

You top from the bottom, and bottom from the top?  Interesting....

SAM as in Smart Assed Masochist.... aka Someone who claims she's a sub that doesn't wanna act like it.
Agreed that there's a spectrum between full Dom and full sub, but still - "Know your role, Jabroni!"

I'm most certainly a Dom type in personality, but I haven't done any true BDSM stuff in years and even then it was with a long term civvie partner. So the whole real Dom/sub?  "It's Not my bag, baby."

My encounters tend to be GFE with playful stuff, with nothing more hinckey than a little light character role play.  
I try to read her body language and let the appt flow organically but "...Anal play? No. Prostate? No.." during the get to know part of the session is about all the lead I require.

"The opinions expressed in the preceding program are the opinions of the host and not the opinions of the sponsors nor the opinions of this station"
ga_kos

Well, being versatile is part of being a good switch.
So, I suppose so.  

Yes....you are a switch...cool....    It's fun,  isn't it

"Use it like you own it" - now that's brilliant!
I once had a girl in the heat of the moment say "Fuck me like you hate me!".  Which made us both break out laughing.  Those wonderfully bizarre, random moments are the best.

Yes,  I suppose girls that are submissive have to be careful who their dominant is.  There has to be trust - which you won't have on a hobby first date.  Or any first date.  A good dom knows his sub better than she knows herself.  I understand girls who are sub (and/or market themselves that way) need to be very selective in their doms.  Which I'm not sure how they do.  As trust is earned over time.

Yes it is.

If I had to label myself I would say I'm a dom.  But more in a control sense than the true bdsm meaning of the word.  And I'm by no means into hardcore bdsm play.  When I say dominant or submissive I am more referring to the social dynamic.  Does the guy or girl take the lead in what happens during a session?  Whichever person that leads (sets the agenda and pace) I would call "dominant" in that sense of the word.

But since I am so into role play, I can fairly easily get myself into a sub space state of mind (with the right partner).  And yes it is fun.  Sometimes taking yourself out of your comfort zone can lead you to interesting realizations.  Like "ok, I never want to do that again" or ""why did I wait so long to try that?!!!"

Yeah, sorry I really should have been a bit more careful with my terms.  I meant dom vs. sub more in the "who controls the session" kind of thing.  Not in the "I'm going to whip you with my cat-o-nine-tails!" kind of thing.  Unless you are into that.  

Oh, and it sounds like that sub just needs a good spanking.

:-

although I love a women that challenges me in that regard. A good interplay and power-sharing is the best.

In NO WAY do I find myself submissive, in particular in a BDSM sense... I've had a very bad life experience being bound and in pain (not sexually related). Not something I'll talk about, just a very, very bad idea for me to be in that situation.

....if she's into that, and there's a few like that - and that's fine.  
Most women I know would rather you whip them with your tongue than a riding crop.  
The rest want both!

As far as who 'controls' the session, I will admit that I follow the provider. I don't argue or act combative with other lady professionals like my lawyer, my nurse, or my auto mechanic, so why would I with someone who wants to get me laid? Makes no sense to me.

If she defers to my desires, then she's still been "in charge" for at least once.  

Just as we love Mish and CG alike, we can change who's "in charge" repeatedly during a session.

ga_kosh

In my defense, I never suggested any gent be argumentative or combative with a lady.  Ever.  Under any circumstances.  I hope we're clear on that point.  

You can be "in control" without being overbearing, or a douchebag.  For example - some women may appreciate a guy that is straightforward and says "let's try this..." or "what I'd really like you to do is...".  He is clear with his intentions of what he wants and she knows he is getting the specific experience he desires as a client.  Win/win.  Some guys and girls want the situation reversed - for a guy to just chill/go with the flow and let a lady work her magic.

One of the reasons I brought up the question was I read a post from a provider not too long ago and she stated that since she was submissive she preferred more dominant clients.  Since when she had submissive client it seemed to take a while to figure out who was "in control" of the session.

I wasn't making a value judgement about who should be dominant and who shouldn't.  I was just interested in the dynamics of attraction and what folks look for in a partner and why.  And thought it would make a good topic of conversation

I agree MasterZen, power exchange can be a lot of fun.

I recently had an extremely hot experience just like that.
As soon as we got into bed she announced "Oh, I need to inform you that I'm dominant in bed" and (me being me) I said "And I need to inform you that no you're not".  

What ensued was a lively and sexy power exchange between two people - each thinking they were the one in charge (but really taking turns being dominant on the other).  Just to see who did it better.  See, friendly competition can be a lot of fun.

It was a very memorable night and now it's our running joke - who is actually the dominant one in bed (and who is going to be the one to submit).

END OF MESSAGE

OMG than sounds super HOT!!

In both my personal and p4p life, I prefer that my partner (male or female) take the lead and gently dominate the encounter. Feeling like the dominant one gives me stage fright... I don't know what to do or what's expected of me and I  will literally freeze, it's just so outside of my norm. Being able to indulge as a submissive supporting partner allows me to relax, orgasm, give and receive pleasure and enjoy the moment without worry.

A few months ago, I had an encounter with a guy that was a submissive, and I don't think either of us had a very good time. After a bit of dfk, initiated by me, we sat for practically 15 minutes with neither of us knowing what to do.. so I suggested that we move to the bed? He complied, undressed himself, laid down, and waited for stuff to happen. I laid down as well and tried to figure out what to do, so I asked what he liked and he told me that he liked anything I was in to, and that he liked to please. It was such an awkward encounter for me, I felt drained mentally and completely incompetent.  

My most passionate and memorable (for me) p4p encounters have been with gentle, sensual men who enjoyed leading the session. They were dominant, but not aggressive, tender and expressive. They enjoyed experiencing my reaction to their dominance... my shallowed breathing, widened eyes, soft moans, swollen nipples and clit, and my obvious desire to please them, too.

So I'm a sub... but not a spank me with a riding crop until I'm welted and crying sub. I'm a spank me with a firm hand until my bottoms a little red, turn me over, hold me and kiss me, sit me on the bed, enjoy my body and allow me to enjoy yours... sub

-- Modified on 2/4/2016 7:25:08 PM

Miss Morgan,

This is a perfect example of why I am interested in the sexual dynamics of relationships.  And a lovely peek into your sweet psyche.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts.  As always, your opinion is well worded and meaningful.  And - spank you?  Why, the thought never even crossed my mind.  

Again, my intent wasn't to suggest anyone be anything they aren't or try to act in a certain way that isn't natural for them.  My interest is in the pairings of folks - their preferences and how they make their selections of their perfect partners.

So, just as a thought experiment let's look at the combinations and some advantages/disadvantages...

Dominant and submissive
Advantages -  Seems like a match made in heaven.  Both know their roles.  Whether it is female or male dominant there is a clear "leader" and a clear "follower".  What else could you want?
Disadvantages - Is there one?  Perhaps if every encounter dynamically is the same it might it lead to predictability and then boredom?  If so, then it is the dominant's responsibility to keep things fresh and exciting for his or her sub.

Dominant and dominant
Advantages - Well, things won't be boring.  That's an understatement.  And if the sexual chemistry is there, this can make an explosive and awesome combination.
Disadvantages - You just might kill one another.  Lol

Submissive and submissive
Advantages - If time is not a constraint, I see that this could make for a very romantic combination.  I mean, you have two pleasers in bed.  What could be wrong with that?  Again, given enough time I imagine one will play switch and take the lead.
Disadvantages - Since there is no clear "leader" it could be awkward until they each figure out their roles.

Relationship dynamics are a very interesting and complex thing...

It really depends on what my lover brings out of me ... Its always fun not knowing what that is until you're there face to face and the magic begins to happen in that room.  

I will say... if a guy can pull off true dominance in a subtle but believable way, my panties (if I'm wearing any that is lol) will drop to the floor lol. But......its gotta be a natural fit for him (part of his makeup as a man) or this chica ain't buyin into it lol. Nor are my panties lol

END OF MESSAGE

At least that's the way I perceive myself.  I enjoy leading an exploration of responses, erogenous points, rhythms, etc.  Doesn't seem to matter much whether the lady is a bit dom or a bit sub, as long as she is a partner in the exploration.  I've had wonderful sessions like that with one of the more assertive ladies in town - we sorta took turns doing "Wouldn't it be really hot if we ......"  If you have the connection, then it just seems to flow.

I always appreciate when a lady says what drops her panties - thank you for that.

You hit upon an important point Gia - it has to be genuine.  Trying to be something you aren't usually doesn't work.  Unless you are very good at role play.  

And I think understanding a bit about what you are and what you like helps your partner too.  I once had a girl tell me - in no uncertain terms - that she was very submissive.  As soon as we were in bed she was telling me what to do like she was a porn director (lick me here, nibble me there, get in this position, go harder, go faster, etc.).  At one point I said "what in the world makes you think you are submissive?.  And she said "I like to be fucked hard, that means I'm submissive right?".

Talk about topping from the bottom.  We worked it out and had a great time, but I told her she was a domme in sub's clothing.  Or no clothing to be more accurate.  Lol.

END OF MESSAGE

That's exactly the right attitude, two people working together for the pleasure and benefit of both.  Who cares who is on top?  There is a sex podcaster that always says "Go Team Fun!".  I couldn't agree more.  And as with everything, a little communication, patience, and understanding goes a long way.

So - Go Team Fun!