Whats the best prank or joke you have played on a client or provider?

I recently had my first repeat with a provider that seemed to really enjoy the first encounter. When I went to schedule the repeat I asked the scheduler to help me mess with her and she thought it was an awesome idea. The scheduler waited till shortly before the appointment to inform the provider that I was into some freaky butt stuff fetishes, this provider isnt into any butt stuff. Needless to say she was stressing a little until I showed up and I got a great greeting kiss. She thought the fetish guy canceled and I showed up till I broke the news to her and she immediately called the scheduler to jokingly yell at her.  She couldnt believe we did that to her but a good laugh was had by all and the rest of the visit was awesome.  

So what have you done to add a little extra random fun?

sense of humor.  When they opened to door to the secluded house they found me dressed in full yellow foul weather gear, including the rubber boots and wide-brimmed lobsterman's hat.  (Figured it was gonna get wet so I'd need it - LOL)  The really funny part was that they called just before I arrived saying that each thought the other was going to buy some nuru, and asking me to go the nearby "adult" store and pick some up.  The clerk had a priceless look on her face when I came clomping in.  Still have a pic somewhere of me in the outfit with a naked lady on each side and a boob in each hand.  Good times!

So - would you say those two ladies blew up a storm?

Blew...  

Oh my goodness...

Where's my coffee?

were extraordinary warm fronts throughout.  And with three of us rinsing off there were definitely scattered showers!

How was the coffee?

Now I'm a pretty big guy at 6'6" around 275lbs and I'm muscular from the gym so I'm considered pretty big! Most girls go "Wow you're big!"

But anyway I like to use this one on petite girls as it works the best! But while we are having our get to know each other chat and these little petite girls are still trying to get comfortable with my size I look them in the eye and say...... "You do know I'm getting ready to show you the biggest dick you ever seen!" The look on 90% of their faces is priceless as they are thinking Oh hell! Then I say yes but it's just a pic I have on my phone as my dick is quite normal! They just bust out laughing and say OMG you scared the hell out of me! LOL...... But those other 10-% get excited and the joke backfires on me! LOL.... It's a good ice breaker to get things started! Always good to laugh a little!

Great!  Your pun that is, not my coffee.  But my coffee was pretty good - thanks for asking.  I find posting before coffee is always a risky venture.

My highly scientific studies have concluded that:
coffee = clarity (but not necessarily creativity)
while:
beer/wine/alcohol = creativity (but not necessarily clarity).  In fact - definitely not clarity in relation to the amount imbided.

But I may have happened across the perfect beverage the other night while having dinner at Chops.  I introduce to you Ladies and Gentlemen - Wake-n-Bake.

No, not that wake and bake - you stoners.  This is Wake-n-Bake Coffee Oatmeal Imperial Stout by Terrapin Brewery.  It's wonderful.  And the combo of coffee and beer - sheer genius!  Especially for the lush, creative types out there (hey, aren't we all?).

The only thing was I didn't get to test out my working theory that coffee + beer = creative clarity as I fell straight to sleep being so full.  I was a bit disappointed to awake the next morning and not find a magnum opus to add to my ouevre.  So - other than the minor 0% productivity drawback, I say it's a win/win.  Give it a try.

Ah sobriety...  it is a loathesome state, is it not?

Okay-- I'll fess up and tell.  I tried one of Sunny's surprise sessions; kept looking at who was available and liked them all, so decided to let Sunny choose for me.  As time to leave for the appointment approached, my mind was darting from one lady to the other wondering who would be behind the door-- a level of anxiety that surprised me.  So I put on a novelty shirt I had bought at Junk Man's Daughter-- a workman's shirt with the business name imprinted-- Male Escort Service; and the individual's name imprinted over the pocket-- Dick.

When I walked in the door the lovely Andi awaited me.  I wasn't sure how things would unfold, so was prepared to roll with the punches.  Would she demand Down on your Knees?  Give me a back rub? Get those cloths off?  Just so many possibilities raced through my mind.  What did this lovely young lady do?  She broke out laughing!  Between laughs she asked me where I got the shirt.  Her laughter set my laughing off-- we laughed for at least five minutes-- like grade school children!  After we settled down it was a wonderful appointment as all her wonderful reviews will attest to.

... remember when there was an air shuttle between NYC and Boston you could just hop on without any reservation?  (Wayyyy before any airport security was around).  I made my return flight to Boston via NYC so I could stop over for an hour of fun at one of the many apartments that were around at that time.  I had my luggage with me (the doorman gave me a weird look with the luggage when I told him which apartment I wanted.)  When I walked in the door with my suit on, business overcoat and luggage, I found a living room with about 6-8 beauties sitting there - so I said "Honey, I'm home!"  Not all that original, but it must have been a slow day there because it got quite a laugh.  I had a very nice time with a gorgeous young lady I remember to this day - and caught the shuttle up to Boston later that evening.

PS - it was so long ago that I found the apartment via an ad in Screw Magazine that you could buy at any news stand in NYC and used a pay-phone to make the appointment.  No references required back then

Nuru fantasy you can't do any better.  I think I'm fully recovered!!

I was with a provider I'd seen a few times before, so I figured a prank was safe.  

I was getting cleaned up at the counter in  the bathroom, and she was standing by the door. I took a pair of Groucho glasses with the fake nose and mustache from my briefcase, put them on, then turned to her.

She said, "what's with that?"

I said, "I wore these in the lobby so nobody would recognize me."

She got a laugh out of it.  

Another time a provider I'd seen was going to come to my hotel room. I'd always asked her to wear short, tight dresses, as she looked great in them.

A couple days before our meet, I went to Goodwill and bought a matronly-looking dress. When she walked through the door of my hotel room, I was standing on the other side wearing the dress. I hiked the hem up a bit to show some of my ugly legs, then did a little bump and grind.

When she stopped laughing, I said that she always wore sexy dresses when I went to see her, so I thought it was proper for me to do the same.

When the economy was better, I had a lady I saw regularly. For April Fool's Day one year, I decided to pull the Cheap Skate Trick, with a twist.

I wrapped the donation of her Benjamins with play toy money, mixing a few in the stack. I added 3 Grants as a tip - for both the session and the joke.  

Problem: I'm a very trustworthy guy. After a few visits, she had decided she didn't have look at the bank envelope, not even once, during my visit. Had she done her usual glance through while I freshened up in the bathroom, she would have seen my larger than usual shit eating grin - the same one that has cost me a bit of dough at the poker tables. I'm horrible at the bluff.  But alas, she didn't look.  

You might be able to imagine the phone call I received less than 10 mins age I left. I had waited in the parking lot knowing TheCall was coming. She was pissed.  I was called every variation of cursed words you can think of.  When she finally caught her breath,  I calmly asked her to revisit the stack, examine it more closely, and count it aloud for me.  

Once she realized the prank, she told me that she was really worked up and I should do something about it. I offered to walk back up and she accepted. My penance? Well, ya gotta love makeup sex...but I learned my lesson.  Never mess with a gal and her Benjamins (or Grants, Jacksons, Hamiltons, Lincolns, or Washingtons either).

ga_kosh  

 

Was doing an outcall with one of my regulars. We were going to go to dinner at a really upscale restaurant, so I was dressed to the nines. When I got to the hallway outside his hotel room, I tucked my hair into this rainbow afro wig I had picked up from the halloween store. After I knock, I hear a "what the fuck?!" from the other side of the door. He lets me in, and his mouth is open. So, naturally I stick my fingers in his mouth and asked him what he thought of my hair. He realized it was a joke and we both start cracking up.

Whenever I do overnights, if my client begins to yawn before we hit the sack, I like to ruin it by sticking my finger in his mouth. Not just with regulars either. Sorry, that's kinda mean, but it's funny.

Another time, I was seeing a gent for the 3rd time, and I answered the door with those giant neon striped sunglasses that were twice and big as my head, like the kind you see at the Dollar Tree. He chuckled.

Another time, I had tucked the pillows under the covers to make it look like someone was under there. When my client entered the bedroom, I shut the door right behind us and he saw the mound on the bed and whispers and points. I go, "Oh, it's ok, my roommate is a heavy sleeper." and I jump on the bed landing on the pillows. Oh my god, the look on his face, I will never forget it. We had a good laugh.