-- Modified on 11/14/2012 3:52:10 PM
I hope you can forgive my use of an alias, I think you will understand once you read my story.
Yesterday I went to see my ATF. I have been seeing her for 3 years. We have a great friendship as well as great sex but I know nothing about her private life except some vague stories she has told me over the years with just enough of the details left out so that I don't know too much about her. That is fine with me, I do the same with my stories.
Yesterday we are having our usual post-coital conversation lying naked with her snuggled up to me and the subject of what we would do if someone in our life found out about our participation in this hobby came up. I said something like I'd probably be relieved since I could stop pretending with my wife and get it over with. She told me that someone she went to high school with contacted her about her ads on Facebook. She was really upset about it and looked like she was about to cry when she told me about it. I was heart sick that this kind of thing would happen to someone I felt was one of the nicest ladies that I know. But then she said something that was really hard to hear. She feels that she is stuck providing. She can't stop because she needs the money and she can't do something else because she has no job history for the past 3 years. She has no college or any other educational certificates, just a GED.
I told her that there was always a way out but I was at a loss to give her any concrete ideas. She seems to be stuck more because of a lack of imagination then because she really can't get a mainstream job. However, while in a good economy I think she could easily get a good job, the economy that we have now, is not looking very good on the job front.
So now I am torn. I have two questions running around in my head:
1. Should I try to help her somehow?
2. Should I continue to see her as a provider?
On the first question, I know she is not my responsibility but I have grown fond of her. No illusions of romance or anything stupid like that. I am quite certain we would not get along in that sort of arrangement anyway. I just think of her as a friend and I help my friends. However I am afraid, if I get too close, I could end up exposing myself activities to my family.
On the second question, I am afraid I would be taking advantage of her. For the past 2 years I have been giving her 20% extra for our sessions as a token of my appreciation for the way she treats me. I have known that she was not always happy with what she was doing but I still thought she was willing. Now I that I know she feels trapped in the profession, I just can't shake the idea that seeing her is wrong. On the other hand, she does need the money or she would not be doing it. By me not seeing her I am not helping her and since she is not taking on new clients right now, I could be actually hurting her bottom line.
Opinions and ridicule are equally welcome.
I will start with this premise.
It is impossible to be a good provider if she does not like doing it.
That said everybody has a bad day at the office now and then.
Also when you get told how beautiful, sexy, smart, etc all the time its hard to
Stay grounded. If you cut ties with her you will avoid being caught in a trap
With no happy ending, for you anyway. Do not succomb to tears. Let her
Handle her own shit and you will be better off for it.
Good luck!
BTW who is she? Lol
She will let you know what she feels confortable with once she reads it.
I know for a fact that she does not participate here.
1. You can't possibly know that for a "fact".
2. "heart wrenching" encounters are not what this thing is about.
WALK AWAY!!! It will blow over....
-- Modified on 11/14/2012 3:52:10 PM
1. Should I try to help her somehow?
2. Should I continue to see her as a provider?
1. If she calls and "ask" for your help , yes you should help her.
2. Yes you should continue to see her as a provider.
I think it's best if guys stayed out of the personal and private life's of providers. I don't think there's anything wrong with clients wanting to help providers , but you have to make sure that's what she wants so you don't send mixed signals.
She has not asked for my help and I think you are right. I guess that is where the dilema comes in. Any "normal" friend in a situation like this, I would be offering to help. But there is a line in this hobby and I do not want to cross it. But that line can be different depending on the people involved.
One of your last lines states she chooses not to see new clients. What I see in that is a love for the same position she is in and considers being a provider a career. She is obviously comfortable. I completely agree with her lack of imangination to do something else. I have a real estate License, own a mobile spray tan business and am getting an online degree in nutrition to be a weight loss/ nutrition coach. I have a High School Diploma and 3 yrs of college but all of the things I have listed are acheivable with a GED. I think your position with her as far as helping should not be money but with support for new goals. She obviously just needs motivation. If I didn't have arthritis I would pursue massage therapy ( another great career). Get her going on her passions besides escorting. She just needs motivation, not more money. Just my thoughts... CC
More money is always needed. Tipping 20% on top of her rate? Awesome. Thank you for that 
So well said, sweet girl!!!
That does not need to change at all-If you enjoy the sex and her company there is no reason to stop seeing her.
Your two questions:
1. Should you try to help her?
** Yes....but not how you might be thinking.
If you want to help her....*really* help her....educate her, if you're able.
Teach her about money management (if it is your strong suit). Teach her about living below her means and saving, saving, saving. Tell her to only keep in the bank what she needs to cover her 'real' life facade. Keep cash, and assets you can buy with cash. Get gold and silver (the real stuff you hold in your hand...not that certificate bullshit). Teach her to think long term. Open her eyes to the fact that the only wall in front of her is the one she puts there and allows to stay. There's online classes for college. There's information online about web development, sales techniques, investment advice, decorating, party planning......everything. Anything she may have an interest in, she can pursue. There is nothing stopping her from improving her situation...but her.
I mean, c'mon...let's be real, she doesn't have the time constraints that many of us do. She's not locked into being at a place for 8 to 10 hours of a 24 hour day...and only then has to take care of life stuff like shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Her time, her money, her life....is hers to manage.
Whether or not she has the fortitude to do this and improve is up to her.
Otherwise she will indeed be "stuck" doing this until the phone doesn't ring any more..then she's what...45 50 55 60? and wondering what to do now with a GED and no plan.
Educating her, if you have the ability, is how you "help" her. Need any more clarification or suggestions, just PM me.
2. Should you continue to see her?
** Well hell yes. Why not?
Because you feel a connection or some feelings? Think for a second. You've been seeing her for 3 years. That's a long damn time....and by your own admission you know nothing of her personal life or who she is. Sorry to break this to you...but whatever feelings there are...are just from your side. If she wanted you to know...you would.
And honestly, don't kid yourself. She's there for a reason. You are there for a reason. You said you have a family. Does that mean wife too? If so, then you are breaking vows you made to another person and in front of God (if you believe) every time you boink this woman for the last three years. Justifying it is easy though, huh?
Point is...don't make it out to be something it isn't.
The only reason you would consider not seeing her...is that you got slapped with a velvet glove that had a brick engraved with 'reality' inside it.
If you want to help her...keep seeing her...keep adding to her income...and teach her if you are able.
Simple.
Just sayin'
DD
My daughter and I have been in that boat.. what sucks worse if if in the course of providing you get an arrest record.. now that really sux.. you cant even join the military with prostitution or solicitation on your record.. but i didnt have any schooling other than my ged.. that i got back in 91( i was like 21-22) I stopped going to school when i was 16 and got married.. i never even had algebra.. I am now in my second year of community college and planning on carrying on to a 4 year college when I get my minor degree. If I can do it anyone can I would love to talk to her and give her an ear to listen to ..
I was actually about to say something similar - but Deanna said it better than I could. I would only add that there are quite a number of good jobs for people with specific two-year technical degrees in fields like health-care and information management to name two - for people without the time, money or inclination to go after a four-year degree. Yes - these jobs do not have 6-figure salaries, but they can be good jobs that pay the bills and provide some financial security. The economy is tough right now for a very large segment of the country right now - but these things always run in cycles and you need to get prepared now for when things turn around on employment. Waiting until things are better is a good way to get left behind again. (Just be careful about the for-profit education outfits - some are fine, but many are just a good way to separate you from what little money you might have and leave you with a piece of paper no employer will trust.)
I had a long time provider (2+ years) that I really enjoyed seeing. A little over a year ago, she started talking about some of her life problems - roommate, car problems, housing, etc. She asked if I would see here more often because she needed the money and was not advertising. I agreed and actually gave her some extra money to help her out. I didn't mind seeing her more because we really got along and I loved seeing her. But once that door opened, she began to feel more comfortable telling me about other problems - her kid having medical issues, her mother passing away, her sister needing to borrow money, etc. I honestly tried to help her out, but the more I helped, the more she wanted. I eventually had to end things about 4 months ago as it just became to much and I started to feel like it was a one way relationship.
I'm not saying that things will progress this way with your ATF, I'm just saying you need to be careful. It sounds like your relationship and comfort level has already changed and once that happens, you can never go back. It's great to help out someone you care about, but you need to be prepared for her to keep pushing the envelope.
Personally, I could not have stopped seeing her when this first started. I was just too into her. It really took her constant talk of money and wanting more and me feeling like things were no longer working out for me to finally throw in the towel.
Good luck with your situation - I hope you have a better ending. BTW - I'm still looking for her replacement.
The feedback on this this thread has been stellar!!
I just wanted to contribute in the way of my own life experience and what I have learned (oftentimes the hard way) about helping people out..
MOST people do not to well with the benefit of a hand up. Appreciation of things acquired comes with working your ass off for it.
Lessons cant be learned when people are bailing you out- and the truth is, that's what we are all here for. Learning how to take care of yourself is the most fundamental lesson of them all. Its what builds character in us, makes us better people, its what teaches us to love and respect ourselves.
U will be doing more harm in the long run to offer her anything other that your support.
She will not know that she isn't trapped until she digs her own way out. My heart goes out to her. I know how she feels. I also know that voice inside her her telling her she cant is a lie.
You are a sweet man for caring for her. Please don't stop seeing her. She needs your friendship and trusts you.
However, this is your session too and u don't deserved to be bogged down with someones emotional drama. That's why you guys come to us. Best of Luck to you, doll.
Speaking from the experience of a friend, it is not an easy task but if your friend wants to truly get away from it, she has got to have a strong desire and work her butt off to succeed. A friend contemplated it a year before trying. The biggest issue was the decrease in income (she also liked the attention and compliments she received). However, the issues of family and not being able to date properly gave her the incentive. Even with a college degree, it was hard to find work with a "4 yr void" in her resume. She found work but it didn't pay much. She struggled but didn't accept much from others (unless truly critical). She felt accepting help only enabling and kept her from becoming independent in the vanilla world. It was very tough & a couple of times she felt like giving up but her drive to succeed won out. After a year, she found a better job (with insurance benefits) and is much happier. She learned that life isn't always about money and things but family and inner happiness. She also learned that there is always a positive way out of every situation in life. As for everyones' comments about "don't get personally involved" they shouldn't make that decision for you. Getting involved is a normal response because humans are relational-ship by nature. Sometimes we need the help of others and I commend those that step up for others in the time of need. There's a difference between helping and enabling. Best to your friend in the direction she chooses and rest assured she can accomplish it if she stays focused. (I am not a psychologist but I did stay in a Holiday Inn once).
1. Should I try to help her somehow?
I thought that one of the "rules" is "don't get too personal". By your own account, she's managed to keep
you on the VERY outer fringe of her life, so DON'T take it upon yourself to get closer and "save" her. (Being supportive is one thing, saving her is something very different!) I'm SURE that you're not the only client that she's seeing and you're DEFINITELY not her significant other. It's fine to care but don't be a schmuck and try to impose yourself into her personal affairs.
2. Should I continue to see her as a provider?
Eliminating your "contribution" as a source of income is not going to help, but if after 3 years of seeing a provider you're prone to travel outside the boundaries of your "arrangement", you may want to consider finding another provider or two, for your OWN good!
above it all remember: Facebook is EVIL!!!
I have seen this sort of thing many times, someone stuck in a rut thinking they are trapped in their current situation, and the current economy doesn't help. But she's not really trapped, she just doesn't know how to make a change. If she really feels that hopeless then there's not a lot to be done short of encouraging her and trying to change her mindset. I'd keep seeing her and try to focus on that. Good luck!
I would steer away from the personal talk if you continue to see her. Have her contact Deanna or one of the other providers.
I for one, thought your post was going to turn into a typical Atlanta venomous trainwreck. For the most part, I freely admit to being both surprised and happily wrong.
I am assuming that you had a regular visitation with this lady vs being one of those guys that visited a lady once every six months for three years and called her your ATF. If you fall into the latter, than you might want to check yourself into the reality clinic. But giving you the benefit of doubt -
Like so many have said, unless you have limitless funds, what helps her more - financial assistance (sugar daddy) vs helping her realize she does have options? They may not be that of a media mogul, corporate tycoon, or Broadway Diva, but that is a reality over 99% of us face.
It read like her situation is as much about a positive outlook for the future and her perception of her own self outlook as it does about being financially trapped. I based that on her reaction to a comment from someone with whom she went to high school. You might want to remind her that age and experience teach us that life has a way of changing our perceptions on individuals whose input we once valued in high school. Somehow I don't think most people value the opinion of someone that used to stand on his/her head and chug a beer to the same degree like they did when they were actually in high school. IDK, maybe I'm wrong or went to the wrong HS - I only know that my old classmates just don't seem to listen to me like they did back in the day.
But does any of this mean that you should stop seeing her or lending your moral support to her (just as you have stated you would to a civvie friend) - absolutely not! To stop seeing her because of comments made at a time when she presumably let her guard down a bit would only serve to reinforce those negative thoughts she shared with you. Pretty damn shallow and callous of you if you did, imho.
Thanks again for the thread and to the other posters in it.
if she has been seeing u for 3 yrs u may be one her highlights of the hobby
I don't presume to know your situation and circumstances, or hers, well enough to offer any meaningful advice or opinion. But what I do know from age and experience is that all that we do in life, when taken down to the lowest common denominator, comes to a matter of choice. Everything we do is a choice, and from the choices we make are derived consequences. Those consequences can be good or bad, but we make a choice. One can "choose" not to get out of bed in the morning; and there are consequences that will follow. In the scenario you have described, she certainly has many choices she might choose to make. Some choices may yield good consequences, and others not so good. Some are hard to make, but she has choices nonetheless. And you, sir, have your own choices to make, and with the choices you make you have to live with the consequences. When I read your story, 2 words stood out boldly: "wife" and "family." If you choose to go down the road of deeper involvement in the life of your proclaimed "ATF" you should ask yourself if you are willing to risk the potential consequences that may likely follow.
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