Just had to post this one:
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The Perfect Divorce Letter
Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit
your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't
even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a
brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me
anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever! The
case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband,
P.S. don't try!! To find me, Your SISTER & I are moving away to West
Virginia together!
Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you &
I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from
what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me
not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99
price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my
sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning After all of this, I
still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for
10 million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica,
but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I
guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer
said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free at last!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
-- Modified on 10/17/2013 11:03:26 AM
