To quote the late, great Douglas Adams I think my review would be short and sweet.  It would read...

"Mostly harmless."

The score would probably relate more to the attitude of the provider and
her approach to her job.  That is most things being equal the hobbyists would
probably score well with most providers that look upon clients as patrons rather
then customers or johns.

I could be wrong though.

Remember! Biggie and Foggie started this.

Ok so here's how I think a lady might review me.

Appearance: 4- Ok If You're Drunk
Performance: 3 - Barely Worth the Effort
Attitude: "thought" he was horny
Atmosphere: Perfect (my incall)

General: Last week I was in the mood for a much more sleazy kind of client than my usual Millionaire/Billionaire... so I decided I'd return one of Harry's daily emails. I've received about one PM a day asking for an appointment for the past 6 weeks so I knew this guy had to be ready. I checked out his p411. He didn't have an references there but I knew of him from TER so I thought What Could Go Wrong? I soon learned the real reason he had not posted a pic of himself online. Non VIPS: bring your beer goggles, wear your tequila contacts and put on your best stage performance. VIPs read on....

Juicy Details: Emails exchanged and gave him my incall address. On the day of his appointment, Harry called about traffic and was about 10 mins late. No big deal to me. Soon I buzzed him up and left the door slightly ajar as I waited anxiously behind it in my favorite LBD. I remember reading some of his Board posts, so I was imagining a distinguished middle aged man of medium height and build with thick cock and a thicker wallet to arrive. What came through my door was Not what I had in mind. He had the presence of a bear cub, He was short for a man, even a woman for that matter.  He had an extremely hairy face, with a long nose and stubby ears. His back and chest hair stood higher than the pooped up collar his faded blue IZOD. Even his knees had hair! I know because they showed through the rips in his acid washed Levis, and that was only held up by a pair of suspenders. He walked in, laid a big bank envelope and a brown bag on my kitchen counter and asked if he could freshen up. I said sure. The envelope had the right fare in it and I thanked God when I saw the bottle of wine he had brought in the bag. As he came out of the bathroom wearing a towel, I realized how desperately I needed a drink if I was gonna perform with this guy. Definitely a bear. I started to make a joke about him taking his sweater off and making himself comfortable, but thought better of it. We opened and enjoyed the bottle, well I did since he had a glass and I finished the rest. Buzz Achievement Unlocked! Time for Mama to go to work.
His breath was ok, his kissing skills were pretty good then we went down on each other. His tongue felt good on my labia and my clit and he took the implied No to anything anal. I, OTOH, had to find his pencil dick in a sea of thick aromatic, ok stinky, pubic hair. Needle. Hay Stack. No Metal Detector. Eventually I found the right one because he made those moans and groans I enjoy hearing as I worked it. He said he didn't want to finish this way so I grabbed a trusty female condom and quickly inserted it. I knew this guy was not gonna be able to use any other kind of rubber. We started Doggie but I wasn't feeling any chemistry (or anything else) but I put on a good show for him. Suddenly, he wants Mish where he claimed he finished, but I couldn't tell. He said he was close, but as I looked at the clock it had been what? 2 mins of intercourse? I've had longer voice mail messages than that. Then we talked for a bit, but he was basically boring me to the point that I asked if he was Up for Round 2. Of course he was! Round 2 went pretty much like round 1 except he "couldn't finish" after he thrusting his hips like Mick Jagger for a whole 4 mins! Ladies, YMMV. Harry is a nice enough guy overall but unless you're hard up for cash... look elsewhere. I will likely not repeat.    

What you have just read is a piece of Fan Fiction. I'm really quite a Stud in every conceivable way any one could imagine.
Harry

A hobbyist is only eligible to earn up to a 6, unless he is willing to deliver one or some of the following during a session:  Good Hygiene,  Satisfies the Lady,  Books More Than Enough Time,  Brings a Gift,  and Leaves a Tip.  For each of these enjoyments that are offered, his potential max score is raised by one point, with 10 as an absolute maximum.

RATING  -  PERFORMANCE  
10   Best Session I've Had All Year
9     Reminded Me Why I Love My Job!
8     Satisfied Me
7     Fun Time
6     Nice
5     Neutral
4     Somewhat Annoying
3     Unpleasant
2     Intolerable
1     Dangerous or Violent

-- Modified on 6/2/2015 7:24:24 PM

My Review...

Simply "tolerable".

I would LOVE to be a YMMV kind of guy!

One review I would show up exactly on time, with an expensive gift; the next I would be late, with no gift; the next would be NCNS!

I would eat out one girl for the whole session and not even fuck and slurp up all her squirt, then the next girl I would go straight to the ass with no lube!

I would fuck one for 60 min with no breaks and the next I would be a flaccid tool that needed constant oral fluffing!

I would DFK one girl and refuse to kiss the next!

One day I would be as fresh as a daisy and the next I would smell like a soldier after a week in the bush!

AHHHH, what fun I would have FUCKING with their minds!  I would create such anxiety and confusion, and frustration.

AHHHHH, YOUR (just YOUR) milage may vary!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

 
I would even consider putting into my P411 profile that I am a PSE, and then I would do straight missionary, no kissing and no oral!  BWAHAHAHHAHAHHH!

I would also describe myself as exotic!  Because it's just possible YOU (and only YOU) have never been with a fat middle aged white guy with brown hair and brown eyes! BWAHAHAHAHA!

I know what my scores would be

I wrote one yesterday and wound up deleting it. Let's try again.

Appearance: 1 - I was terrified!
Performance: 1 - Fell asleep as soon as he hit the bed.

Gory details: He walked into my incall location out of breath and flatulent, and his breath would have stopped a locomotive. His first words were, "I need to poop and pee!" When he came out of the bathroom, he had his clothes wadded up in his arms and asked me, "Now what am I here for?" He plopped down on the bed on his back and immediately began rattle the walls with his snoring. I tried to massage his stomach, but the fat moved around so much, it was like washing a car. After I coaxed a tiny orgasm out of his shriveled member, I washed him up and helped him put his clothes on. He belched, then asked me  to call him a cab, and to remind the cabbie that he had to be at the Home by 8:15. After steering him out, I immediately took a vow of poverty, and now live in a convent.