No nursing home for me.  I'll be checking into a Holiday  Inn!  
   
 With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and too feeble.  
   
 I've already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.  
 For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it’s $59.23 per night.  Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.  
 That leaves $128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies.  
 Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc.  
 Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.  
 $5 worth of tips a day you'll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.  
 They treat you like a customer, not a patient.  
 There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.  
 The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).  
 To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays..  
   
 For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.  While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere.  Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.  
         
 It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take  your reservation today.  
   
  And you’re not stuck in one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.  
   
 Want to see Hawaii?  They have Holiday Inn there  too.  
   
 TV broken?  Light bulbs need changing?  Need a mattress  replaced?  No problem... They fix everything,  and  apologize for the inconvenience.  
     
 The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid  checks to see if you are ok.  If not, they'll call an ambulance  . . . or the undertaker.  
     
 If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.    
       
 And no worries about visits from family.. They will always be glad to find  you, and probably check in for a few days  mini-vacation.  
   
 The grandkids can use the pool.  What more could I ask for?  
       
 So, when I reach that golden age, I'll face it with a grin.  
   
 AIDS  WARNING!  
       
 To all  of  you approaching 50 or have REACHED 50 and past,  this message  is especially for  you...  
  SENIOR   CITIZENS ARE THE NATION’S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!  
   
 HEARING   AIDS  
 BAND  AIDS    
 ROLL   AIDS    
 WALKING  AIDS    
 MEDICAL  AIDS    
 GOVERNMENT   AIDS    
 MOST OF  ALL,    
 MONETARY  AID TO THEIR  KIDS!  
   
 Not   forgetting HIV  
 (Hair  is Vanishing)  
   
   
 I'm   only sending this to my 'old' friends.    
 I love to see you smile.  
   
 SEE YOU ALL AT THE HOLIDAY INN…he…he…he  
   
   
   
 

-- Modified on 1/8/2014 1:37:27 AM

 
   
 No nursing home for me.  I'll be checking into a Holiday  Inn!  
   
 With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and too feeble.  
   
 I've already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.  
 For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it’s $59.23 per night.  Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.  
 That leaves $128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies.  
 Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc.  
 Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.  
 $5 worth of tips a day you'll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.  
 They treat you like a customer, not a patient.  
 There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.  
 The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).  
 To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays..  
   
 For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.  While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere.  Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.  
         
 It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take  your reservation today.  
   
  And you’re not stuck in one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.  
   
 Want to see Hawaii?  They have Holiday Inn there  too.  
   
 TV broken?  Light bulbs need changing?  Need a mattress  replaced?  No problem... They fix everything,  and  apologize for the inconvenience.  
     
 The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid  checks to see if you are ok.  If not, they'll call an ambulance  . . . or the undertaker.  
     
 If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.    
       
 And no worries about visits from family.. They will always be glad to find  you, and probably check in for a few days  mini-vacation.  
   
 The grandkids can use the pool.  What more could I ask for?  
       
 So, when I reach that golden age, I'll face it with a grin.  
   
 AIDS  WARNING!  
       
 To all  of  you approaching 50 or have REACHED 50 and past,  this message  is especially for  you...  
  SENIOR   CITIZENS ARE THE NATION’S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!  
   
 HEARING   AIDS  
 BAND  AIDS    
 ROLL   AIDS    
 WALKING  AIDS    
 MEDICAL  AIDS    
 GOVERNMENT   AIDS    
 MOST OF  ALL,    
 MONETARY  AID TO THEIR  KIDS!  
   
 Not   forgetting HIV  
 (Hair  is Vanishing)  
   
   
 I'm   only sending this to my 'old' friends.    
 I love to see you smile.  
   
 SEE YOU ALL AT THE HOLIDAY INN…he…he…he  
   
   
   
 

-- Modified on 1/8/2014 1:37:27 AM

 
   
 No nursing home for me.  I'll be checking into a Holiday  Inn!  
   
 With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and too feeble.  
   
 I've already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.  
 For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it’s $59.23 per night.  Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.  
 That leaves $128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies.  
 Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc.  
 Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.  
 $5 worth of tips a day you'll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.  
 They treat you like a customer, not a patient.  
 There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.  
 The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).  
 To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays..  
   
 For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.  While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere.  Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.  
         
 It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take  your reservation today.  
   
  And you’re not stuck in one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.  
   
 Want to see Hawaii?  They have Holiday Inn there  too.  
   
 TV broken?  Light bulbs need changing?  Need a mattress  replaced?  No problem... They fix everything,  and  apologize for the inconvenience.  
     
 The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid  checks to see if you are ok.  If not, they'll call an ambulance  . . . or the undertaker.  
     
 If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.    
       
 And no worries about visits from family.. They will always be glad to find  you, and probably check in for a few days  mini-vacation.  
   
 The grandkids can use the pool.  What more could I ask for?  
       
 So, when I reach that golden age, I'll face it with a grin.  
   
 AIDS  WARNING!  
       
 To all  of  you approaching 50 or have REACHED 50 and past,  this message  is especially for  you...  
  SENIOR   CITIZENS ARE THE NATION’S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!  
   
 HEARING   AIDS  
 BAND  AIDS    
 ROLL   AIDS    
 WALKING  AIDS    
 MEDICAL  AIDS    
 GOVERNMENT   AIDS    
 MOST OF  ALL,    
 MONETARY  AID TO THEIR  KIDS!  
   
 Not   forgetting HIV  
 (Hair  is Vanishing)  
   
   
 I'm   only sending this to my 'old' friends.    
 I love to see you smile.  
   
 SEE YOU ALL AT THE HOLIDAY INN…he…he…he  
   
   
   
 

-- Modified on 1/8/2014 1:37:27 AM