To tag on Traveling Salesman's post that "he's trying to quit" ... Is this an addiction?

Is it similar to drugs in that I'll always want something more intense, something better, the next level?  (I hope not. Topping a recent Double might be darn near impossible ...)

Do you guys feel an urge to experiment a bit, trying "new things" for an added bit of pleasure?

Do you ladies have similar feelings/concerns about sex? Do you come across guys who want to push the limits and try "something different"?

And I know. The key is to ask yourself as in any other addiction whether it has control of you or you it. And even then it's a roll of the dice. The mitigating factor is emotion. How could you not love a woman who fucks your brains out; shows you desires that you wished you had at home. How could pass up a woman that rarely if ever gives you an excuse; one who has her "on" button sychronized with her cell phone (all 5 of them). The key to any addiction is knowing that there is a spark that is followed by fire. It's the fire that will burn you. Ladies, your fire is mostly the money. You are seduced by it whether you admit that or not. Added to that, you also have your own 'jones' for other odds and ends. You know what they are, but like all of why we are all in this, the mirror often lies. So be not fooled. Sex and money are not mutually exclusive. They can be equally addictive, equally harsh on our spirits, and both can destroy you. So if you are in this game for reasons beyond that, I suspect you are too far gone and it will take something a lot more compelling than guilt to walk away.

-- Modified on 12/19/2004 5:58:51 AM

-- Modified on 12/19/2004 8:24:20 AM

-- Modified on 12/19/2004 9:50:53 AM

You are so far on point with what I was thinking its scary. I've yet to meet a guy in the "hobby" (self included), who got into it as a fantasy / experiment and at times the reality of pay for play got very  blurred. It gets really hard when you find someone you "click" with on more levels than just the physical and then you wonder and question yourself "are these feelings real or is she just doing her job of knowing how to push the buttons of a client to make him a regular".

Then you have the other guys who realize that if you ask, you shall receive, and then every itch you ever wanted to scratch you want to try. Suddlenly the average session from your ATF doesn't excite you anymore (sort of like the same situation a lot of the married guys in the hobby run into). The problem comes when the fantasy doesn't live up to the reality and then you escalate. Sort of like a junkie who doesn't get the same high on coke and the next thing you know they are shooting herion.

You also have the guys who like the person in the thread below, has the guilt with living two lives. The ladies do too. For some guys, they love the attention and sex they don't get at home BUT they also understand on one level they are betraying the trust their spouse has in them regardless if they aren't living up to their husbands expectations of the sex lfe. Some guys feel that if they pay for it, it doesn't count as cheating because there isn't an emotional commitment. I always tell those guys, if you were to tell that to your wife, I'm sure she would see it another way "while she kicks you in the nuts in divorce court". These are also the same guys who if you told them their wife just paid for a roll in the hay with the pizza delivery boy he would have a fit like his world just crashed especially when he realizes his wife hasn't booped him in three weeks. Sort of the two sets of rules but life is like that.

For the ladies I think there is an excitement from the stand point the this guy wants me and thinks I'm desireable. There is a thrill there but the reason 99% stay in it is for the money. Trust me we all know the $$$$$ make the panties wet. Now if you also like the attention and time with the gents, thats a plus. Everyone would love to get paid for what they love to do BUT nobody would do what they love as a job for free.

The problems with the ladies is that this career does not have built in retirement or long term financial stability. I have met so many ladies who spend it as quickly as they make it. Too few make plans for the future after "the life" either through a next business venture or education. There has to be a plan B for regardless of how much you may enjoy it now, I would say that this world is not a long term option both emotionally and physically for most ladies. So then some find themselves without a next step plan for the future but feel stuck in the "life" to pay for a lifestyle that is hard to maintain if they don't work as providers. Sort of a catch 22 with the addiction being money.

Some ladies do feel the guilt too. They know in order to be successful they have to manipulate their clients on some level. Sometimes sex is not enough to get a regular, so some will say what their clients what to hear, and then realize that the guy is actually falling for this stuff and now the line of professionalism is very close to getting blurred. That is not good for business for the lady, yet now she is caught because she may actually feel something for the guy. It may not have all been BS but emotions don't mix to well with this business. Still other ladies start to feel the guilt that all the lines she told to client X she is telling to client Y two hours later and bottom line is that lying is not something anyone can do comfortably over a long period of time without it messing with your mind because you never learn to trust others because you never allow others to be able to full trust in you.

Okay, I'm off the couch now. LOL



-- Modified on 12/19/2004 12:47:14 PM

Thanks Panther, I won't make this thread about you or me though I did also enjoy your point of view. In case anyone wants to know about my handle, I have worked in some of the worst facilities for addiction that anyone can imagine. And yes, it's not just about drugs and alcohol friends. It's far worse than anything I could explain. Being there with different ladies over the years has been a treat for me and I know that when I have to borrow money or miss other obligations, or do something that makes my personal life difficult then, the "hobby" as we call it ceases. The young lady who introduced me to this hobby was my friend long before I knew (though I suspected the frequent trips were not "work" related) what she did. She taught me some valuable lessons about this life and I shared with her a formula for success. I asked her to put aside 22 1/2% of every dollar she earned. I showed her how to parlay that into real estate and some investments. She still "plays" today from time to time and I know for her its about the itch she has to scratch; the travel, the deals she's found on her own. I am glad to say she's very healthy has very few addictions after 6 years) and looks very good at 37.
She's used this to build a life and I know at times she suffered from various issues. But what I do know is that she did not become possesed by the lifestyle. She is still a very simple and girlie girl with an innocence rarely found in 90% of the women I have met. So this is not an endorsement for the life, it is a testament to what one can give and get from it if they listen and follow through on the things that $$$ and hour can obtain. I am not talking about security either.

"The key is to ask yourself as in any other addiction whether it has control of you or you it."

Well, lucky for me that (1) I have to save a bit to get the discretionary funds to be able to play and (2) I am in control enough to limit it to that. Otherwise, if money were no object, I may find myself more out of control.

as it is "someone new".

The biggest rush I get is from the first touch, first hug, first kiss from someone I've never seen before, or haven't seen in a long time.  When I find a lady I really like, I usually end up seeing her several times close together, and then I won't see her again for 3 or 4 months.  After that much time, it's like meeting someone "new" again, but with the memories of previous encounters to make it even better.

psycho analysis going on.

Without ruffling feathers here, it is a cultural and societal thing.

In the west society, sex is considered a sin, eventhough everyone does it.

In eastern culture's, it is looked as a part and parcel of natural enlightenment. So having affairs is considered normal and doesn't mean, one has to ignore, neglect or shed all other responsibilities.

Kamasutra is well known in the west but there are many other ancient literature dealing with the subject. Most people misunderstand and trivialize what is contained in Kamasutra, it is not about different positions, it is more than that. If one reads it just understand and learn positions, one would be disappointed and bored. On the other hand, if one wants to learn more about fullfillment, then one might learn somethings and start to look at at in differently.

Phoenix and Dragon has some good translations.

Modern psychology is rooted one's child hood experience and leads one to believe there is no escape or to believe it someone else's fault. Thus, never gives a chance to get out of the wheel of up, down, sin, hell and heaven.

All of it can be changed with understanding of the self, and what makes one tick.

So true but that doesn't help you out when you walk into a Western divorce court LOL.

The problem here is too much togetherness, I mean, one does everything together until it drives one of them crazy.

It is like, when you first start dating, you can't live without them a single second. Then, you can't stand them even for a second. No space, nothing you of your own.

Same thing happens in marriage.