Unlike many folks, I do think a committed relationship with a provider is possible, but it requires specific types of personalities to work.  And it does require work, like any rewarding relationship worth pursuing and maintaining.

In your case, if jealousy runs wild when she goes to work, you are not emotionally ready for a relationship with a service provider.

The underlying basis behind jealousy is insecurity and lack of trust.  Nothing will kill a relationship faster, and it's an ugly death.

Give it up, and move on.

Well, you entered the relationship knowing about her participation in this hobby ...

If she's not given any indication of her quitting the hobby (any time soon), you will just have to accept that and find a way to really enjoy the times you  ARE  together ... make those times special to her and you ...

Dwelling on the time she spends with others can only help the negative feelings grow.

How can you do it? I'd find it very hard myself. (I never did like to share things ...)


-- Modified on 10/17/2005 11:29:40 PM

Jealousy of your woman is natural, but...providers, especially those that are intelligent as well as beautiful are extremely independent.  Show her your jealousy and she will show you the door!

You have to ask yourself whether you are the only one in the relationship that is committed.
Committed to what?  Passionate paid for sex, with some time together on the side with a sexy, beautiful woman.

I am not saying its impossible, but its real hard and you will have to swallow your pride more so than you normally would.

If I were you I would not take or make another phone call or email to her.  It will hurt a lot less than it would when its time for you to go.

Good luck.  You will need it.

i was in the same situation.i dated her for one year she got out of the hobby and moved in with me.we were together for 5 years.i was able to support her and give her a very good life.so it is possible if you can get her out of the hobby

Nearly all the replies so far consistently hit the nail on the head and probably all represent a view you did not want to hear.  Even the most optimistic of posts, one that outlines a “conversion” relationship from professional to civilian implies a temporary, relatively limited life cycle.

If you are burning from the inside out when she is in session with another guy, as Atl Mgn points out you are not equipped to have and maintain this unique and very different type of relationship.

Unfortunately it sounds like you are too far into it to heed Mookie’s well founded advice to withdraw.  It will probably be too hard for you turn your back on something that brings such an elevated joy despite the rational darkness, angst, and jealousy that comes with it.

Realistically, it is a no win situation.  Your post was probably an exercise to assuage the hurt.  But there is no way to keep the pleasure without the hurt.  My prediction is you will stick with it for a while pursuing the pleasure until you can’t take the pain.

Without belittling the special feelings you have developed, please realize this probably happens every 23.5 seconds somewhere in the country’s hobbyist community. Despite frequent attention from men, provider’s lives can be lonely lacking the feelings of a special personal relationship.   There is a natural tendency for a provider to seek or fall into fulfillment from a client of those emotional needs.  There is a reciprocal tendency for clients.  It may work for both parties as a type of simulation of need fulfillment and only on a temporary basis.

No one is getting played and no one is out to hurt anyone, it’s just an occupational hazard  It probably happens with greater frequency than ever posted about.  

Everyone has made a good point.  I particulary agree with AtlMgr & Pheonix. If you are jealous, it will not work out, and woman are not owned or possessed.

Try looking at it from this perspective.  Love and sex are two different things.  Sex is a biological and physiological act much like eating, sleeping and using the bathroom.  I guess your problem is the insecurity of having met her in a professional situation that you feel she might meet someone else in the same situtation and dump you for him.  You need to look at why the two of you are together.  What are the qualities that you have that attracted her to you.  If it is for who you are as a human being then that is cool, but if it is because you have big bucks or a big unit then your relationship is doomed to failure as there is always going to be somebody with more $$$$, a bigger unit, better looking and more charming.

Look at it like this she is in a profession where she is her own boss, sets her own hours, does business with only those client's that she wishes to see and has an hourly rate which compares favorably with attorneys, accountants and other professionals.

Finally, I think it is cool that she is providing a fabulous service to her clientel.  I have not done a survey but I would guess the majority of hobbyists are married men that are either neglected and unappreciated by their wives, have wives that think of sex as a duty or their wives have become so unappealing to them. For the time that these men are spending with you SO, they are being treated like royalty.  

In any event I wish you and your SO happiness whether you stay together or go separate ways.

I appreciate everyone's advice and time.  It's hard, but Deanna had a good point:  because she loves me, it's hard for her as well.  Good luck to everyone

The hardest thing is to keep it in proper perspective. With me, I fell for her after she fell for me (it was her phone call that resurrected things after a couple of very fun, intense visits.)

It's taken a year, but we're finally where we should be: she in her world much of the time, me in mine, and then together when the time works for us both. And we talk far more often than we do anything else.

To echo others, if you're jealous, end it today. After 18 months, I can read a new review and not feel anything, other than hoping she really had a good time,rather than just faking it.

How long will it last? Who knows...and who cares? Enjoy the moment with only a glance to the future.

Lot of adjectives i.e., "passionate, committed... What does the words mean to you.

By the way, I am not talking about meanings found in Websters, I mean personally to you. Once you figure it out, you have the answer, Everything else is "cliche"